Venting I wish I'd just go through with it

[sivvie]

I'm genuinely so tired. It feels like something in the universe lined up a bunch of unlucky things in my life to make me have to keep on delaying my death. I'm being pressured to start my degree, my dad is coming to visit soon which is honestly enough of a reason for me to want to die, I also got really sick (((:

I fast every day for long periods of time, hoping that I get past my overthinking and just take that damn fucking SN; I still make it to the next day, full of regrets. Maybe I'm asking for too much perfection. I don't want to get caught, but maybe I should learn to be okay with not everything being okay, or going according to plan.

I recently finished a Visual Novel I'd been reading and I can see now how much I've been using it as an escape. I feel so empty now that it's finished, it was my ideal world. I also got attached to one of the characters which is pretty pathetic ngl.

I just feel like one big, pathetic, cowardly, weak mess. I really really just want this to be over with. Every day, I regret staying another day. Every single day hurts so much. I want it to be over so bad. This world isn't for me. I wish I could just die in my sleep. I hope I either get over my anxiety and fears, or fucking do it scared.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

Same. I hate what my life has become, but I'm a coward.

 

[sivvie]

Same. I hate what my life has become, but I'm a coward.

I hope you find the peace and comfort you're looking for ): sending love your way <3

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

Same. I hate what my life has become, but I'm a coward.

Could I borrow the concept of whats written beneath your posts?

 

[Mr2005]

If people aren't willing to give up SS they're certainly not willing to give up their lives

 

[WhiteRabbit]

Could I borrow the concept of whats written beneath your posts?

Of course.

 

[sivvie]

If people aren't willing to give up SS they're certainly not willing to give up their lives

I said I was going to log on less. Fuck off if you're just going to invalidate my feelings. You really thought you did something lmao, asshole

 

[Mr2005]

I said I was going to log on less. Fuck off if you're just going to invalidate my feelings. You really thought you did something lmao, asshole

I have no idea what you're talking about

 

[sivvie]

I have no idea what you're talking about

ok

 

[VoidDesirer22]

I'm genuinely so tired. It feels like something in the universe lined up a bunch of unlucky things in my life to make me have to keep on delaying my death. I'm being pressured to start my degree, my dad is coming to visit soon which is honestly enough of a reason for me to want to die, I also got really sick (((:

I fast every day for long periods of time, hoping that I get past my overthinking and just take that damn fucking SN; I still make it to the next day, full of regrets. Maybe I'm asking for too much perfection. I don't want to get caught, but maybe I should learn to be okay with not everything being okay, or going according to plan.

I recently finished a Visual Novel I'd been reading and I can see now how much I've been using it as an escape. I feel so empty now that it's finished, it was my ideal world. I also got attached to one of the characters which is pretty pathetic ngl.

I just feel like one big, pathetic, cowardly, weak mess. I really really just want this to be over with. Every day, I regret staying another day. Every single day hurts so much. I want it to be over so bad. This world isn't for me. I wish I could just die in my sleep. I hope I either get over my anxiety and fears, or fucking do it scared.

What's the VN ?

If people aren't willing to give up SS they're certainly not willing to give up their lives

Based on what?

It isn't as simplistic as that. The fear of ctb and SI bring people back here in a cycle, where if they're uncertain they are ready to die right away, then this forum is a comfort while they continue living.

WeirdChamp.

 

[ColorlessTrees]

It's a hard thing to do, that's for sure. I don't intend to detract or invalidate, but you mentioned attachment to the visual novel. Is it something that brought you comfort, even if just a bit? I don't think it's pathetic to form an attachment. Albeit it may seem strange to others, fantasizing about characters or settings you like can take that edge off for a while, or even provide a creative outlet.

If you're truly set on this, I hope you are able to find a way through it. And I hope you are able to alleviate the suffering someday. You deserve peace.

Best wishes. I am here to listen until then.

 

[Mr2005]

What's the VN ?

Based on what?

It isn't as simplistic as that. The fear of ctb and SI bring people back here in a cycle, where if they're uncertain they are ready to die right away, then this forum is a comfort while they continue living.

WeirdChamp.

Is it? I mean what do you think I'm doing and what has it done to brighten my day?

 

[VoidDesirer22]

Is it? I mean what do you think I'm doing and what has it done to brighten my day?

Idk man, that's for you to introspect about. I personally know it doesn't bring me happiness, like any other social media site does (I view them as time dumps), but this site has the 2 advantages of allowing open communication about inner darkness, and an exchange of information to assist ctb plans. That is some comfort.

 

[Mr2005]

Idk man, that's for you to introspect about. I personally know it doesn't bring me happiness, like any other social media site does (I view them as time dumps), but this site has the 2 advantages of allowing open communication about inner darkness, and an exchange of information to assist ctb plans. That is some comfort.

I guess. I make the mistake of actually trying to get to know people. I'll talk about the weather

 

[VoidDesirer22]

I guess. I make the mistake of actually trying to get to know people. I'll talk about the weather

In this forum or irl?

 

[Mr2005]

In this forum or irl?

Here. I know a few things about op now. I already knew I was an asshole. I didn't know they were.

 

[Dot]

I'm genuinely so tired. It feels like something in the universe lined up a bunch of unlucky things in my life to make me have to keep on delaying my death. I'm being pressured to start my degree, my dad is coming to visit soon which is honestly enough of a reason for me to want to die, I also got really sick (((:

I fast every day for long periods of time, hoping that I get past my overthinking and just take that damn fucking SN; I still make it to the next day, full of regrets. Maybe I'm asking for too much perfection. I don't want to get caught, but maybe I should learn to be okay with not everything being okay, or going according to plan.

I recently finished a Visual Novel I'd been reading and I can see now how much I've been using it as an escape. I feel so empty now that it's finished, it was my ideal world. I also got attached to one of the characters which is pretty pathetic ngl.

I just feel like one big, pathetic, cowardly, weak mess. I really really just want this to be over with. Every day, I regret staying another day. Every single day hurts so much. I want it to be over so bad. This world isn't for me. I wish I could just die in my sleep. I hope I either get over my anxiety and fears, or fucking do it scared.

Cn empthse as am stck in sme cycl. Hpe thngs imprve fr us in 1 wy or anthr sn

 

[Onthe29th]

I feel the same way, I've had 2family members come visit and along with the holidays, it's hard to find the perfect opportunity. I tried to create an opportunity yesterday but then I heard we were having a third guest so I'm delaying again so that I don't ruin their vacation. I hope this is the last time because I'm starting to get frustrated with trying to avoid holidays/birthdays and ruining vacations.

 

[sivvie]

What's the VN ?

Based on what?

It isn't as simplistic as that. The fear of ctb and SI bring people back here in a cycle, where if they're uncertain they are ready to die right away, then this forum is a comfort while they continue living.

WeirdChamp.

It's called The Arcana :) It's a mobile app, I'd recommend if you're into fantasy/magic! And thank you for standing up for for everyone who feels that way <3

Cn empthse as am stck in sme cycl. Hpe thngs imprve fr us in 1 wy or anthr sn

For you too Dot, I'm wishing you all the best, always. It feels like a prison being stuck in this limbo of wanting to die but being unable to bring yourself to do it, I wish you didn't have to experience it. I really really hope we find the peace we're looking for soon. Take care in the meantime and don't be too hard on yourself <3

I feel the same way, I've had 2family members come visit and along with the holidays, it's hard to find the perfect opportunity. I tried to create an opportunity yesterday but then I heard we were having a third guest so I'm delaying again so that I don't ruin their vacation. I hope this is the last time because I'm starting to get frustrated with trying to avoid holidays/birthdays and ruining vacations.

It's nice of you to be so considerate, I can only imagine how much of a toll that takes on you though :( I may not fully understand what it's like to be in your shoes, but I sympathize and I really hope things turn out well for you no matter what the circumstances are. Always wishing you luck!

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand that it is hard to carry on when you are tired of everything. I am also not meant for this world, I should have never been born in the first place and I also hope for eternal sleep. It sounds so peaceful to never have to experience anything ever again. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[Somber]

I recently finished a Visual Novel I'd been reading and I can see now how much I've been using it as an escape. I feel so empty now that it's finished, it was my ideal world. I also got attached to one of the characters which is pretty pathetic ngl.

Our imagination certainly is an asset to have when we want to retreat from the real world into one that is more manageable to live in. I hate finishing books or games when I get attached to the characters or the world too. Always makes me feel sad, as if I've lost something by finishing it. Silly, huh.

I just feel like one big, pathetic, cowardly, weak mess. I really really just want this to be over with. Every day, I regret staying another day. Every single day hurts so much. I want it to be over so bad. This world isn't for me. I wish I could just die in my sleep. I hope I either get over my anxiety and fears, or fucking do it scared.

I don't know why you want to leave, but judging by your statement you need/want to get a degree I guess you are too young to realistically expect to die in your sleep. You'll make your choice eventually. Everyone does, sooner later. So far I haven't died in my sleep yet either. If only wishes could become reality.

 

[sivvie]

Our imagination certainly is an asset to have when we want to retreat from the real world into one that is more manageable to live in. I hate finishing books or games when I get attached to the characters or the world too. Always makes me feel sad, as if I've lost something by finishing it. Silly, huh.



I don't know why you want to leave, but judging by your statement you need/want to get a degree I guess you are too young to realistically expect to die in your sleep. You'll make your choice eventually. Everyone does, sooner later. So far I haven't died in my sleep yet either. If only wishes could become reality.

Funny that when you say it feels silly, I feel like defending you and saying that it's alright to have a coping mechanism like that. It really only feels silly to ourselves most of the time. People that understand won't think it's that weird.

And education isn't the only reason I want to leave; my parents are abusive (I'm also trapped with them and unable to leave, trust me I've tried), I hate the body I'm in, I hate the world I'm in, I'm too sensitive to/aware of the state of the world and the bad things in it. To summarize, I don't think our world as it is is worth living in and I don't think the good is good enough to be worth dealing with the terrible.

 

[Interloper]

I feel you. Procrastinating, day after day. Stupid brain. Do you also feel this site is an 'anchor' so to speak?

 

[Somber]

And education isn't the only reason I want to leave; my parents are abusive (I'm also trapped with them and unable to leave, trust me I've tried), I hate the body I'm in, I hate the world I'm in, I'm too sensitive to/aware of the state of the world and the bad things in it. To summarize, I don't think our world as it is is worth living in and I don't think the good is good enough to be worth dealing with the terrible.

Sounds like a complicated position to practically perform a CTB from. I hope you have at least some privacy at home.

Maybe getting a degree isn't that bad. After all it might lead to solutions to most of your problems. If you aren't studying from home you'll have some more privacy on weekdays. If you get your degree it'll be easier to get a job and live away from your parents and certain body image issues can also be solved with money.

Course to change the entire world you'll need to be very rich.