I wish I wasn't suicidal

[VikingWinger]

It's just gotten totally out of my control. As if my head turns to suicide no matter what I do or how I try to think. It's began to scare me more than comfort me as it used to.

 

[_milo]

In the same boat, friend. What is it that scares you about them?

 

[thrwaway99]

You're not very suicidal as long as you don't literally commit suicide, and after that it won't matter anymore anyways, it's normal to think about suicide and still sort of normal to actually go through with it but killing yourself is never a necessity as thinking such thoughts is probably a common form of self therapy. Or so I like to think as I too enjoy the mental peace I get from thinking about suicide but not the anxiety part of it. Thoughts are just thoughts.

 

[throwaway777]

me too .. at first it was really comforting to think about suicide now i kinda feel like im forced to do it

 

[dandan]

i feel like its the best choice but
the the closer I come to understand I am considering to kill myself
it is actually scary, very very weak, sad, like: "you pussy, you couldnt handle it"
I fucked myself over, and I gotta live with the consequences, except, I rather not... yup, as a coward I want to Exit... damm

 

[Gina]

I think people who ctb, are strong people who tried to live but the world failed them.I give credit to people who live a long time without ctb because I'm only 21 and I've been thinking about this since I discovered it, which is 13.

 

[throwaway777]

I think people who ctb, are strong people who tried to live but the world failed them.I give credit to people who live a long time without ctb because I'm only 21 and I've been thinking about this since I discovered it, which is 13.

i realli think the same also same age

 

[Broken]

It's just gotten totally out of my control. As if my head turns to suicide no matter what I do or how I try to think. It's began to scare me more than comfort me as it used to.

So do I. This time last year I was at Disneyland Paris. Life was great. I thought I had a bright future ahead of me. I was happy, sane and not suicidal.

 

[dandan]

sure, people who ctb are sure strong, but its also week, its a double edge kind of strong and weak... I dunno...

I need to be strong to kill myself but also strong enough to decide to keep living.... or weak and not kill myself and not live and live a very poor kind of life...

 

[HellinHeaven]

There are situations in which it's brave to continue your life (a temporary bad disease with a chance to be cured) and situations in which it's brave to quit (like a beginning Alzheimer's disease). But it's hard to decide. Anyhow the contact with death gives your life a special deepness. I'm reading a biography about Hermann Hesse currently and he was suicidal and death-loving for some periods, and only this gave him the knowledge and the power to write his books.