I wish I was normal

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

My life has always been spiraling and it still is. I dont know what to do with myself. My therapist had told me I could visit an inpatient home to get away from home. But I would have to mention that to my dad first. I cant just up and leave. I don't know how he'd respond.

 

[goodbyebunny]

Has he been supportive of your mental health before? Hug.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Has he been supportive of your mental health before? Hug.

Sort of? I mean, we've talked about mental health but I never told him about my diagnosis

 

[goodbyebunny]

Is there a chance he could react badly and things might become more tense at home?

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Is there a chance he could react badly and things might become more tense at home?

If I tell him about my diagnosis? Probably not. He might not understand it per say, but I could probably mention it

As for leaving for an inpatient, that will probably cause tension. Most likely he'd feel like a failure as a father for not making home a happy place. On top of that he told me yesterday he'd be nothing without me.

 

[goodbyebunny]

Aww, sounds like you're very very important to him. I understand you don't want to hurt him, but in the long run, if this has a chance of helping you get better, he will be less hurt. He will understand one day, hopefully.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Aww, sounds like you're very very important to him. I understand you don't want to hurt him, but in the long run, if this has a chance of helping you get better, he will be less hurt. He will understand one day, hopefully.

Yeah. I just dont know how to bring it up. The reality is that being at home brings out the worst in me. From fantasizing about murder to finding ways to kill myself daily, my biggest triggers are my brother who I have talked about extensively. Being in an environment like this is really bad for my mental health and I am always trapped in a visiciou mental cycle of hating myself, hating everyone, hating myself, etc. yet, leaving home is also scary. A new place with new people. I wouldnt have the same things I have here at home. A place to cook my own meals and sleep in my own bed. A place where I can indulge in my games and anime, etc. I guess thats what makes it hard to leave. Knowing a new place could be better, but also not wanting ot give up certain things even if I know my mental health would be better off

 

[Deleted member 23009]

It's a tough situation, maybe trying out something new would be good? You could always go back home if it doesn't work.
I didnt tell my parents about my mental health or what i'm going through for a long time, i was basically alone. Until an accident happened and they found out, so it came as a big shock and they became very worried. It was a bit annoying at first since they asked me like every day how I felt without really underdstanding but of course i know it's out of love and care.

it might be worth mentioning a bit so he knows what you're going through maybe? Start a little slow. It can be a bit much at first but for me at least it's kind of nice to be more open about it, even if i don't really give many details to my parents. Hugs to you, i hope it gets better

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

It's a tough situation, maybe trying out something new would be good? You could always go back home if it doesn't work.
I didnt tell my parents about my mental health or what i'm going through for a long time, i was basically alone. Until an accident happened and they found out, so it came as a big shock and they became very worried. It was a bit annoying at first since they asked me like every day how I felt without really underdstanding but of course i know it's out of love and care.

it might be worth mentioning a bit so he knows what you're going through maybe? Start a little slow. It can be a bit much at first but for me at least it's kind of nice to be more open about it, even if i don't really give many details to my parents. Hugs to you, i hope it gets better ❤

yeah thats true. I think before I up and say "hey I am leaving cause home sucks ass" to probably open up about my mental health first. Im just always scared how he would react to that.

 

[k75]

Maybe you can leave out the parts about home being bad for you but say it's been recommended that you do inpatient so you're able to focus on intense therapy, which you need. Say you'd have access to resources there that you don't now. Basically, frame it positively and there's no reason he should feel hurt or like a failure. You obviously mean a lot to him, so I'm sure he'd want to do what's best to get you well.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Maybe you can leave out the parts about home being bad for you but say it's been recommended that you do inpatient so you're able to focus on intense therapy, which you need. Say you'd have access to resources there that you don't now. Basically, frame it positively and there's no reason he should feel hurt or like a failure. You obviously mean a lot to him, so I'm sure he'd want to do what's best to get you well.

Yeah. Therapy is so scary. Even basic therapy as im dong now is scary. Facing all my traumas, etc. But I know what you're saying is sound. Im just so afraid of speaking up. I always anticipate the worst car scenario

 

[Deleted member 23009]

yeah thats true. I think before I up and say "hey I am leaving cause home sucks ass" to probably open up about my mental health first. Im just always scared how he would react to that.

Yeah that's a good idea. Even if he doesn't understand i'm sure he will try to at least and be there for you, so might be worth mentioning and take it a bit slow.

 

[k75]

Yeah. Therapy is so scary. Even basic therapy as im dong now is scary. Facing all my traumas, etc. But I know what you're saying is sound. Im just so afraid of speaking up. I always anticipate the worst car scenario

It is scary. It's so hard to face yourself like that. But I think it's great that you're in a position to try to get help. I really hope it works out for you.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Yeah that's a good idea. Even if he doesn't understand i'm sure he will try to at least and be there for you, so might be worth mentioning and take it a bit slow.

Right. I guess it couldn't hurt to try and see how it goes. Ill make an update post if I do it

It is scary. It's so hard to face yourself like that. But I think it's great that you're in a position to try to get help. I really hope it works out for you.

Ugh totally. Things have been meh on top of being in a recovery due to a bad yeast infection that kept me backed up on one week of homework I havent touched yet

 

[Deleted member 23009]

Right. I guess it couldn't hurt to try and see how it goes. Ill make an update post if I do it

Ugh totally. Things have been meh on top of being in a recovery due to a bad yeast infection that kept me backed up on one week of homework I havent touched yet

Do that! And I recently started therapy myself, it is scary but I'm slowly getting used to it more but it's still very hard. If you ever want to talk about it, just send me a message!
Hope the infection goes away and you feel better soon, try not to stress yourself too much.

 

[Kat!]

I wish I had the option to get up and walk away but, my parents would kick me out, as they don't trust me anymore. I'm falling behind on everything, I feel you.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Honestly though I know it would be hard since you've mentioned many times how toxic your living situation can get for you I think getting away from it for a while could be very beneficial.

 

[Kat!]

Honestly though I know it would be hard since you've mentioned many times how toxic your living situation can get for you I think getting away from it for a while could be very beneficial.

Always nice to take a break, I hope he read this.

 

[AJ95]

I wish I was normal too :/

I'm over here stacking diagnoses like I'm trying to collect the alphabet, I wonder what my friends from school are up to now lol

 

[Kat!]

I wish I was normal too :/

I'm over here stacking diagnoses like I'm trying to collect the alphabet, I wonder what my friends from school are up to now lol

Jeez that's too true.

 

[AJ95]

Jeez that's too true.

It feels so bad. I went to a great school, I graduated 6 years ago and I'm 24 now.

I've googled some of the names I remember from school and they're successful people, some have PhDs, others are lawyers or finishing medical school.

Meanwhile I'm over here doing literally nothing with my life and planning my death.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

It feels so bad. I went to a great school, I graduated 6 years ago and I'm 24 now.

I've googled some of the names I remember from school and they're successful people, some have PhDs, others are lawyers or finishing medical school.

Meanwhile I'm over here doing literally nothing with my life and planning my death.

All those PHds ,doctors etc. will all be dead in 100 years from now also no matter what . Death is the great equalizer. all are equal in death. And time passes by much faster than humans realize.

 

[AJ95]

All those PHds ,doctors etc. will all be dead in 100 years from now also no matter what . Death is the great equalizer. all are equal in death. And time passes by much faster than humans realize.

I know, but they get to have a fruitful, enjoyable life where they actually do productive things instead of thinking about how they'd try and lie their way out of getting committed

 

[Kat!]

I know, but they get to have a fruitful, enjoyable life where they actually do productive things instead of thinking about how they'd try and lie their way out of getting committed

Yeah it's sucky when you have that feeling that you've got nothing to live for now. I agree. I wish I just had something I mean, I have skills and all that but when it comes to applying them to something I'm an utter failure.