wildflowers1996
Mage
- Oct 14, 2023
- 550
I feel like if I knew my life was due to bad karma, something I'd done wrong, I would be more able to accept it.
My problem is that if I am being punished, I genuinely don't know what I did wrong. Maybe that's part of the punishment?
I think the reason I find it so hard to accept my life is because I can't shake the feeling that the suffering is unjust.
If I could be given a clear explanation as to why I deserve the pain, then I'd probably say ok, that's fair. But I don't know what I did.
I feel the pain has to be as a result of the following possibilities:
- I did something bad I don't remember; I'm being punished.
- I'm here to make others feel better about themselves "at least I'm not her" - to make others look good by comparison.
- I'm here for others to enjoy mocking, to laugh at.
- I'm here for the people who enjoy the suffering of others.
- I'm paying the price so someone else doesn't have to suffer.
- I'm being "tested".
Or (imo most likely, and the most depressing) - it's undeserved, meaningless, purposeless suffering.
But I just wish I KNEW. I hate not knowing.
My problem is that if I am being punished, I genuinely don't know what I did wrong. Maybe that's part of the punishment?
I think the reason I find it so hard to accept my life is because I can't shake the feeling that the suffering is unjust.
If I could be given a clear explanation as to why I deserve the pain, then I'd probably say ok, that's fair. But I don't know what I did.
I feel the pain has to be as a result of the following possibilities:
- I did something bad I don't remember; I'm being punished.
- I'm here to make others feel better about themselves "at least I'm not her" - to make others look good by comparison.
- I'm here for others to enjoy mocking, to laugh at.
- I'm here for the people who enjoy the suffering of others.
- I'm paying the price so someone else doesn't have to suffer.
- I'm being "tested".
Or (imo most likely, and the most depressing) - it's undeserved, meaningless, purposeless suffering.
But I just wish I KNEW. I hate not knowing.