lucid
antinatalist specialist
- Jun 29, 2019
- 177
Hey hello, I'm back to pour my frustrations into the only community who understands what I'm going through like many others here, but on the topic of understanding I'll elaborate on the title.
A few days ago I woke up and just wanted death the moment I came to, it's not often I wake up that low, but I did. It lingered with me the whole day, and I figured I'd let out what was in my head to my closest friends. Now, I'm not saying they would ignore me on purpose because I know them and they're amazing, almost all of my friends are. But I poured my heart out at that very moment, explaining how I'm genuinely tired of trying to always distract myself from wanting to not exist and it was completely disregarded, compared to other times I'd vent and get a usual response like all of us do for each other.
I feel like when people really know what's going on inside your head, or almost, excluding the "already planning to end my life at some point anyway" part, then you're just always that person to them for good. But I don't care about it, I'm fine with that, all I'm asking is that just one person I know could be understanding of any of this.
It's not just "I hate life and I wanna die" for fuck sake, I have piles and piles of valid reasons that people should understand. No, it's not selfish, I know the consequences it could have but how am I supposed to handle it if I'm spending every waking moment wanting to stop existing?
Hypothetical conversations out of the way, that's about it. I feel like there might be someone I know who would understand, but they wouldn't be the kind of person(s) I would really want to talk about all of this with. Shit sucks, as is life. Fuck.
A few days ago I woke up and just wanted death the moment I came to, it's not often I wake up that low, but I did. It lingered with me the whole day, and I figured I'd let out what was in my head to my closest friends. Now, I'm not saying they would ignore me on purpose because I know them and they're amazing, almost all of my friends are. But I poured my heart out at that very moment, explaining how I'm genuinely tired of trying to always distract myself from wanting to not exist and it was completely disregarded, compared to other times I'd vent and get a usual response like all of us do for each other.
I feel like when people really know what's going on inside your head, or almost, excluding the "already planning to end my life at some point anyway" part, then you're just always that person to them for good. But I don't care about it, I'm fine with that, all I'm asking is that just one person I know could be understanding of any of this.
It's not just "I hate life and I wanna die" for fuck sake, I have piles and piles of valid reasons that people should understand. No, it's not selfish, I know the consequences it could have but how am I supposed to handle it if I'm spending every waking moment wanting to stop existing?
Hypothetical conversations out of the way, that's about it. I feel like there might be someone I know who would understand, but they wouldn't be the kind of person(s) I would really want to talk about all of this with. Shit sucks, as is life. Fuck.