Venting i wish i had a father figure

[xo_bunni]

i wish i had a dad or father figure. i constantly feel like a little girl that needs to held and comforted by someone who knows it's gonna be okay. i wish i had a dad growing up that would treat me like a princess, offer guidance, believe in me, and help me navigate through life. i crave the feeling of being able to depend on someone i trust that can take control when i feel like i don't have any.

i've only had two people that gave me that feeling. one being my old karate instructor and the other a worker at this mental hospital i went to. they both treated me like their daughter and it was the first time i felt seen and cared for by any older male. they believed in me and saw potential in me that i'd never see myself. they pushed me to do better and even when they were strict, i knew it came from a good place. my life would've gone so different if i had a dad like them. i wish they could've stayed in my life somehow.

 

[discuss1424]

yep so do I, although for me in a different way to your circumstances.

 

[astr4]

very relatable. this is why i love seeing some of our older members post, tbh, it's very soothing.

 

[Innereye]

I feel the sentiment. For me books/academic figures replaced any concept of a healthy father. Estranged my biological one early into childhood.

Sometimes nothing is better than something.

 

[mars_b4rz]

Me too man. Maybe I'd be less useless and pathetic too.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

I feel this deeply. But with a mother figure.

 

[F@#$]

I had a great dad and I still turned out like shit.

 

[divinemistress36]

I had a great dad and I still turned out like shit.

Me to

 

[lnlybnny]

I completely understand. I don't know if it's your case but I feel guilty for missing this sometimes. Mine has always been very absent, I feel he always pretended to care for me, he went away when I was a child and was always emotionally neglectful. Now as an adult I think ''a lot of people have no father or don't have a present father and thrive in life and stuff, they don't go around complaining about this'' and I think maybe I'm just a whiny pussy. I have no right to blame anyone for my path, I know. However it makes me feel really bad.

 

[_next.next213]

My father wasn't absent but he wasn't very active either. I always wished I had a different one. He never really taught me to do much. His main contribution to my life was probably arguing and starting fights.

 

[anaokino_]

oh yes i can relate to that very much. i always start to cry when a man about my father's age treats me nicely

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I had a great dad and I still turned out like shit.

Same

 

[ForeverLonely82]

A loving family would have done some of us a lot of good for sure. Be it mother or father and how it should be "both". Family that cares about who they bring in the world speaks volumes about what kind of life they'll live. I can't speak for everyone as we all had a different upbringing, but my parents did the bare mininum to raise me and my siblings (blood wise, they are my cousins). It's a parents responsibility to raise a child and make them successful so they don't repeat THEIR mistakes, but my parents didn't. They fed, clothed and kept a roof over my head, Grateful for that, but when I am not grateful for is helping me prepare for life. Once I turned 18 I was told "Good luck" like being thrown to the wolves.

Did I figure it out? Not really. I was homeless because I couldn't find a job and my mother threw me out even though I tried to find something. When I finally did get something, it sucked as I only got a total of 18 hours a week and tried to work other places but due to my fat ass I wasn't fast enough to meet the quota and not very smart in what they needed so I'd be let go. So I had to remain in that retail job for 8 years as it was hard to be fired from unless you were disrepectful and were a "no call, no show" employee.

I got married in 2011 and moved away from it all. Thought my life would improve. Boy was I wrong. Not only did my wife lie feeding me with BS of happiness, life and love. We lived with her mother for 3 years which caused me to get PTSD because she was like my own mother times 4. I worked jobs and just kept getting fired because I wasn't able to cope. Maintenance job, fired. Call center, Fired, finally Wal mart...Fired because I snapped and went mad..literally. Threw everything in the back, screamed and just saw red. I tried therapy for the billonth time and was told "You don't need to be working..especially with the public" They helped me file for disability and was approved. My mom was disappointed in me, my MIL said I was "Faking it" since I had panic attacks often, she didn't believe in them. that all happened in 2014... fast forward 10 years later. I am broken, my wife is a double amputee and sleeps all the time. I just sit here and wish I had a loving family, Someone to embrace me and make me feel more than I do daily. However, that's just a far fetched fantasy. I wish I wasn't a plague but apparently I am. avoided. I didn't ask to be here and obviously the ones who put me here failed and Hope when their day comes they suffer in hell (granted it exists). Like some of you, I am just waiting for the reaper to free me from this flesh prison. I wasn't meant to be here, I don't want to be here.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I am a man and I too wish I had a better father. Then again he had a lot of things going for him like his PhD in engineering and he was also physically in top shape as well. I think his awful parenting is no worse than other stereotypical Asian dads but I guess coming from him it makes it even more frustrating just how weak and pathetic I am. My father has horrible social skills though so maybe if he were better at those I could have been better with people and then I wouldn't be in this mess. I'm not sure if I really want a father figure now though because in my experience people I look up to have always let me down, usually by doing something terrible and getting publicly shamed or something like that.