I wish I could tell my family

[wildflowers1996]

I wish I could somehow get my family to understand I'm better off dead.
I wish it caused them no pain. I wish they could just be relieved I'm not in pain any more.

But if I tell my mum she'll be horrified and she always talks about how painful the loss of a child is

I think if she knew, really knew, how much pain I'm in, she wouldn't want to stop me. She wouldn't want me to suffer like this.

But I feel like I have to protect her. I heard her crying in the night once because of worrying about me and I couldn't bear it


I feel like I just have to pretend to be okay forever and I hate myself for wanting to just take the easy route out rather than doing that

I wish there was a way I could at least numb myself and run on autopilot for the rest of my life

It sounds awful but I wish my family and I would all just die at the same time. That way no one has to suffer the loss of anyone else.

 

[malevolentdiety]

I don't f****** get it. If I had a kid and he killed himself because he was suffering greatly. I would be sad but I would be understanding. What the f*** is it about parents that they're so God damn selfish that all they care about is themselves.

 

[Blueth]

I wish there was such a thing. I wish they would accept this end instead of being afraid and sad. And I wish they could help us in this process.
But this is not possible, even if this is possible at that moment, there is a high probability that they will blame themselves later.

Especially if they have religious beliefs.
I tried to explain to my mother in different ways that death is unimportant and that if dying will make a person happy, it should be respected. But all she did was get scared and sad.
She expressed that I had never been like this before.

I stated that I never said these things to her because she was sensitive.
My only fear is that they will be upset and I will make an unsuccessful attempt.

 

[SilverTiger]

Hello Wildflower.

Don't feel bad about wanting your family to die with you, it's just a desire to not be alone, don't punish yourself for thoughts and feelings that are out of control, it is not a dog, there is no leash for this... Your family will never understand, they will keep you here against your will, I am not sure of your situation, but they sound nice-enough. Don't hold it against them

We here on this forum are your friends, and we understand that you want to die, myself and people like myself also understand it is your right to die.

No matter what you choose champ, good luck and remember we are here with you!

 

[Coconut blue]

tbh i think the only reason ppl out there who say they "care about" you want to do everything to prevent you from ctbing is cuz in doing so, you transfer the pain and burden of your existence onto those living on around you. family members dont want to deal with the guilt of knowing their own actions are responsible for a loved one's death. its why relatives/friends of deceased members here hate this site so much and are doing everything to close it down (eg that idiotic tantacrul person who reversed advertised SS on yt). btw i do wonder whether ppl rlly "love" another person bc of that person, or bc they just love the lofty image of themselves loving someone else unconditionally