Venting I wish I could start over

[floofhook]

I'm sorry all I do here is rant about how much I hate my life. This is the only platform where I feel I could open up without people commenting the suicide hotline or some other meaningless encouragements.

I've made some choices that determined the path I'm currently living in, and it had been quite horrible. I chose stupidly and poorly and I'm not even sure if my choices are the reason for my misery or the broken system that we live in.

I just saw my peer get my dream job even though I'm better qualified. I wish I never chose this line of work. I feel humiliated and like there is no point in any effort I made.

This isn't the only reason I want to die. Not even the major one, just something that bothered me today.
Whenever I feel depressed like this I wish I was able to just go ahead and end it. I hate telling myself excuses and delaying. It makes me feel afraid that I will never be ready to attempt or that when I do I'll chicken out, which would be my worst nightmare. I've decided two years ago to end it either if my mom dies or is no longer dependant on me, which I don't think will happen but here's to hoping.
Are any of you around waiting for similar reasons?

 

[WornOutLife]

Rant as much as you want, my friend.
We're here to "listen" and support you.

I wish I could start over too but with all the things I know now. I could've done so many things different that I'd probably have a better.

However, unfortunately, I think I would still be suicidal because it's just part of me.

Anyway, hope you can feel better soon.

Hugs,

Matt

 

[Homecoming]

Hacking The Afterlife

Talking about the Flipside based on the interviews with folks off planet.

hackingtheafterlife.quora.com

I'm so drunk AF right now, but I (as Jean Stan) recently posted this question on Quora's Richard Martini space: https://hackingtheafterlife.quora.com/?ch=99&share=396067ef&srid=uQ8NYn

Hope this helps you.

 

[sm20]

I'm sorry all I do here is rant about how much I hate my life. This is the only platform where I feel I could open up without people commenting the suicide hotline or some other meaningless encouragements.

I've made some choices that determined the path I'm currently living in, and it had been quite horrible. I chose stupidly and poorly and I'm not even sure if my choices are the reason for my misery or the broken system that we live in.

I just saw my peer get my dream job even though I'm better qualified. I wish I never chose this line of work. I feel humiliated and like there is no point in any effort I made.

This isn't the only reason I want to die. Not even the major one, just something that bothered me today.
Whenever I feel depressed like this I wish I was able to just go ahead and end it. I hate telling myself excuses and delaying. It makes me feel afraid that I will never be ready to attempt or that when I do I'll chicken out, which would be my worst nightmare. I've decided two years ago to end it either if my mom dies or is no longer dependant on me, which I don't think will happen but here's to hoping.
Are any of you around waiting for similar reasons?

I consider myself a pretty caring person but one thing I'll never feel bad about is my families reaction to my suicide. Idk why but I just don't feel bad given the circumstances I'm in. I'm the same way where I know if I started my life over knowing what I know now it could be good. I semi-ruined my life I guess by damaging my hearing from always listening to music at max volume assuming I'd kill myself before I got hearing loss. I did get minor hearing loss but the main problem is my sensitivity to noise which will heal given some years but it feels like being temporarily deaf, I've grown used to my tinnitus thankfully and cures are being made for that too. Idk how to help so I won't give any empty advice, I just hope you do better because I know how hard it is to have your life damaged and wishing you could go back in time to fix it.

 

[FuneralCry]

Life can certainly be cruel to us and the worst part is there is no limit as to how bad things can get. I think the worst part is it is actually really hard to die, even know we want to leave this earth our survival instinct can hold us back. As for me, I have pretty much always been depressed and have had bad luck. I'm just holding on but it's tiring. I wish you the best.