Venting I wish I could pay someone to kill me. I know it's been said before!

[LittleJem]

I'm just venting. I don't know how to take another day of this depression. I'm maybe Day 17 of a new medication. I cannot bear another day. I haven't got out of bed for about 5 days, can barely eat, and all I do is obsess about suicide. Yesterday, I watched the hanging videos for the first time. Today so far I have eaten one yoghurt and now I feel sick.

I have to move house and sort my stuff out before CTB, but really I just want to do it NOW. I wish someone could just come and kill me asap.
Just as an update - I could pay 5K or 10K. Am in London.
It's just how to give someone the money and guarantee your own death at the same time!!

 

[StateOfMind]

Maybe you could find some one on the dark web from the underworld, maybe a hitman?

 

[ClownMe]

Maybe you could find some one on the dark web from the underworld, maybe a hitman?

I've always thought about doing this myself, however, i doubt many are genuine (most would probably just be scammers and undercover police officers) and the ones that would seriously do it are most likely insanely incompetent.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I don't know how to take another day of this depression. I'm maybe Day 17 of a new medication. I cannot bear another day. I haven't got out of bed for about 5 days...

I share your feelings. Years ago, an online buddy of mine suggested we head down to Brazil to hire someone. Turned out to be a scam. Now I'm terrified of paying someone. What if they do what the others tried--to prey on us for sport. There are a lot of very cruel humans who'd enjoy tormenting us even at our end. Plus, they might not even finish... Not trying to scare you. I wish I could find someone I could trust, too. But please be careful.

 

[Makko]

Where are the real heroes when you need them

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering, living is painful. It is hard to be trapped in a hopeless situation, I understand. For me personally, I want euthanasia/assisted dying option rather than having to do it myself because of worries about failing an attempt and things like that. To me the right to die is important.

 

[LittleJem]

I'm sorry you are suffering, living is painful. It is hard to be trapped in a hopeless situation, I understand. For me personally, I want euthanasia/assisted dying option rather than having to do it myself because of worries about failing an attempt and things like that. To me the right to die is important.

Me too - but Pegasos wouldn't have me.....so no assisted dying for me. I am 100% in favour of the right to die.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I'm sorry you are suffering, living is painful. It is hard to be trapped in a hopeless situation, I understand. For me personally, I want euthanasia/assisted dying option rather than having to do it myself because of worries about failing an attempt and things like that. To me the right to die is important.

I feel exactly the same way. I'd MUCH prefer euthanasia. I'd have had it done LOOOOOOOOONG ago if it had been legal. I stayed alive and took care of my one life responsibility until that person died. I recognize no other responsibilities and no one is responsible to or for me. People like me ought to have the state's blessing to die quickly, cleanly, and peacefully. What a hell-on-earth that so many survival requirements (health care, affordable housing, means to earn cash other than back-and-soul-breaking wage slavery...) we're not entitled to, yet when it's obvious our attempts to procure/keep them have failed, we're also not entitled to a peaceful death. It's like they enjoy watching us suffer because we didn't worship zealously enough at the altar of The Economy.

 

[Pluto]

What a hell-on-earth that so many survival requirements (health care, affordable housing, means to earn cash other than back-and-soul-breaking wage slavery...) we're not entitled to, yet when it's obvious our attempts to procure/keep them have failed, we're also not entitled to a peaceful death.

They don't want to admit that people like us exist and fall through the cracks of their so-called civilised society.

 

[mr parkinson]

its said freddie mills the boxer paid someone to shoot him but he didnt want to know when . he was killed with a .22 rifle made to look like suicide . story on youtube

 

[suisuiforum]

I know that the methods listed on SS are effective, but the small seed of doubt regarding whether I'll actually be successful when employing those methods will never go away, and it greatly contributes to the SI that prevents me from taking the plunge. If RTD was legalized, we would have access to the most peaceful methods and medically competent individuals who can administer them for you so that you don't have to worry about the prospect of failure.

 

[fastFWD]

i became a fan of doctor kevorkian's work early in life. my grandmother always used to reference him in a positive light after my grandfather had passed. we would often see him in passing when i was younger and with her at the local grocery store - even saying hello a few times. he seemed really nice and always smiled. it's unfortunate that there are bad apples out there that prey on the ones seeking these types of assisted service.

 

[wanttodie]

me to

I wish I could pay someone to kill me.​

 

[Lowhighlander]

Please God....

Let me die

 

[outrider567]

Please God....

Let me die

My cousin has OCD also, which is why she resides in Seattle alone, relationships didn't last long(took a trip with her once and we went into a Norman Rockwell(he's an illustrator) Museum in New England. After seeing ten works,I said I'm done, but she needed to see all 300! Can you imagine taking her to a huge Art Museum with thousands of paintings?--Unlike you,tho ,she doesn't possess CTB thoughts--I'm sorry the NHS in the UK can't help you, but please feel free to say anything you want on this forum, like you, all of us here are suffering one way or another

 

[befree]

No problem if you have GBP10.000,-. 1.Option: VAD in Switzerland or Germany (send me a PM if you want). 2.Option: Try to immigrate to Sweden and find someone to do the job. In Sweden killing on demand is legal.

 

[LittleJem]

Here I am in a psych ward still not dead. Spent the day in bed. Went to Tai Chi and personal training session. Feel ashamed of my madness and hopeless. Weird to see this post from 2019 and how shit it was then. The psych ward would be better with weed. Everyone wants me to give up weed. I got sectioned on weed.

@befree I contacted Pegasus years ago but they said no. Mental illness don't count for them.

 

[CursedSoul]

tbh i would love to do that, ive always had fantasies of helping others have a painless death, and see how much people i could ease their suffering before the cops would come and i would shotgun myself in the head. Also damn, making a living out of it, would be cool. (And no, won't work in switzerland/others, not interested in those.)
and for hitmen, don't trust the dark web, all are scams, real hitmen are only known and employed from reliable sources, all you will see online is either a scam, or they do it in a absolutely corrupted shithole like africa/mexico/brasil etc... But even there, it's not garanteed they will just kill you painlessly/run off with your money, you need to know a friend of a friend if you catch me, trust me.

 

[deathbylife]

I feel exactly the same way. I'd MUCH prefer euthanasia. I'd have had it done LOOOOOOOOONG ago if it had been legal. I stayed alive and took care of my one life responsibility until that person died. I recognize no other responsibilities and no one is responsible to or for me. People like me ought to have the state's blessing to die quickly, cleanly, and peacefully. What a hell-on-earth that so many survival requirements (health care, affordable housing, means to earn cash other than back-and-soul-breaking wage slavery...) we're not entitled to, yet when it's obvious our attempts to procure/keep them have failed, we're also not entitled to a peaceful death. It's like they enjoy watching us suffer because we didn't worship zealously enough at the altar of The Economy.

I agree with every single word you said, if I could form my words more correctly in the midst of my depression I would have said the same thing. If I could find them, I would take pills, then once I start to fall asleep,, slowly suffocate myself. The one time I tried and almost succeeded was painless, I don't even remember anything about it until waking up in the damn hospital.

I'm just venting. I don't know how to take another day of this depression. I'm maybe Day 17 of a new medication. I cannot bear another day. I haven't got out of bed for about 5 days, can barely eat, and all I do is obsess about suicide. Yesterday, I watched the hanging videos for the first time. Today so far I have eaten one yoghurt and now I feel sick.

I have to move house and sort my stuff out before CTB, but really I just want to do it NOW. I wish someone could just come and kill me asap.
Just as an update - I could pay 5K or 10K. Am in London.
It's just how to give someone the money and guarantee your own death at the same time!!

I feel the same way, can't eat, just lie in bed, no one cares, only care if I mention intention. I hate it this dam* world so much

 

[Hollowillow]

Bedridden too... I feel the same...

 

[Life is overrated]

Sounds like something a fed would say

 

[Someone123]

Maybe you could find some one on the dark web from the underworld, maybe a hitman?

This will never, ever work. They will just take the money, maybe knock you out, and run. WHat incentive would they have to risk life in prison? None. This topci has been explored many times before. Besides trying to get this could hook you up with a sexual sadist who who would lock you up and assault you for years. people need to realize this won't work.

 

[SamTam33]

I've thought about driving across the highway to the bad part of town and trying to deliberately provoke someone into shooting me. Might have a better chance if I were a guy. But as a woman I have to always consider the sickos who'll do other things besides kill me

 

[RUPA]

Why is everything so unbearably hard? Living is hard, committing suicide is hard, getting a suicide partner is hard, getting accepted for assisted suicide

at Switzerland is hard, hiring a hitman is hard I even thought about suicide by cop. I thought about going to one of the most

dangerous neighborhoods in hopes for possibly getting killed in the street. If I can get killed, I wouldn't even mind brief criminal victimization prior to my death. Am I insane?

 

[Maudlin]

I met a guy once that would travel around Appalachia "assisting" folks with the helium method. He talked about it like it was his "Ministry".

As far as I know, there were a few failed attempts after folks had donated all they had left to his "ministry", and he quit under legal scrutiny in multiple states.

I have no idea what happened to him, but I'm sure there are still folks like that out there.