I wish I could give up on (some of) my hobbies because I hate them

[RosebyAnyName]

I have certain interest, mostly creative ones like art and music, that just make me miserable. If I wasn't interested in these topics at all, I wouldn't be as self-hating as I am now. I wish I never liked them in the first place, but I like looking at art and listening to music, and I think to myself "I want to try that." Then I realize I suck, I will always suck, and others will always be so astronomically better than me while being half my age because I will never enjoy it enough to work on it.

And before anyone tells me "just practice / practice makes perfect" YES I KNOW. The problem is that art is a waste of time. Developing my skill and getting good at art is still, ultimately, a waste of time. I know the grass is always greener and that I would hate being an artist in practice, my brain just won't let go of this impossible fantasy where "being an artist" will somehow fix all my problems. I know the fantasy of being loved by others because of my art is a lie. I know becoming fully satisfied with my proficiency will never happen because I actually hate practicing anything, and I always hate my art no matter how "good" I get at it. Even if I become the best artist known to humanity I know in reality I won't feel happier and I won't get the fame and love I desire. Instead I'll still just hate myself, hate my own works, and everyone will think I'm cringy anyways. The quality of the art means nothing, just that I hate the process and will always hate the process.

How do I finally convince my brain to give up on these impossible dreams?
And how can I go back to enjoying art without just feeling bitter jealousy for those who are better than me?

 

[Edu Ardanuy]

I have certain interest, mostly creative ones like art and music, that just make me miserable. If I wasn't interested in these topics at all, I wouldn't be as self-hating as I am now. I wish I never liked them in the first place, but I like looking at art and listening to music, and I think to myself "I want to try that." Then I realize I suck, I will always suck, and others will always be so astronomically better than me while being half my age because I will never enjoy it enough to work on it.

And before anyone tells me "just practice / practice makes perfect" YES I KNOW. The problem is that art is a waste of time. Developing my skill and getting good at art is still, ultimately, a waste of time. I know the grass is always greener and that I would hate being an artist in practice, my brain just won't let go of this impossible fantasy where "being an artist" will somehow fix all my problems. I know the fantasy of being loved by others because of my art is a lie. I know becoming fully satisfied with my proficiency will never happen because I actually hate practicing anything, and I always hate my art no matter how "good" I get at it. Even if I become the best artist known to humanity I know in reality I won't feel happier and I won't get the fame and love I desire. Instead I'll still just hate myself, hate my own works, and everyone will think I'm cringy anyways. The quality of the art means nothing, just that I hate the process and will always hate the process.

How do I finally convince my brain to give up on these impossible dreams?
And how can I go back to enjoying art without just feeling bitter jealousy for those who are better than me?

I used to be a musician, a good one. After all these years, I had the chance to meet a lot of great artists, next-leve musicians and I can tell, I don't experience music the same away. Wish I could get back in time and have that dumb knowledge about music again, I certainly would enjoy silly songs a lot more than nowadays I do. Up to this day, when I listen to a new song I will analyse it, the melodies, the backing track, the fucking chords and everything. Always finding flaws and asking myself 'wtf did these guys do?'.
So yes, learning, studying and trying to become the best version of yourself as an artist, generaly speaking, will bring some more burdens to your perspective too.
Anyway, I still I like to rig my equipment and play something cool because I have learned how to extract nice sounds from the instrument and that makes me feel good, even if I am suicidal.

 

[microwaved_dawg]

You should consider seeing a therapist, my gf has ocd and struggles with these exact same things and that along with medication helped her to be more calm.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

I used to be a musician, a good one. After all these years, I had the chance to meet a lot of great artists, next-leve musicians and I can tell, I don't experience music the same away. Wish I could get back in time and have that dumb knowledge about music again, I certainly would enjoy silly songs a lot more than nowadays I do. Up to this day, when I listen to a new song I will analyse it, the melodies, the backing track, the fucking chords and everything. Always finding flaws and asking myself 'wtf did these guys do?'.
So yes, learning, studying and trying to become the best version of yourself as an artist, generaly speaking, will bring some more burdens to your perspective too.
Anyway, I still I like to rig my equipment and play something cool because I have learned how to extract nice sounds from the instrument and that makes me feel good, even if I am suicidal.

I relate to this, especially how learning music theory makes you find flaws in other people's music and asking "how did these people get so successful?"

But the worst is when I really like someone's music, can't find any flaws, and then I can only ask myself "why can't I be like that?"
I just wish I had some way to always know if I'm doing something wrong with my music without having to go through the humiliating process of sharing it and being laughed at. I hate being given advice that so clearly follows the "one compliment, then one thing to improve on, then another compliment" method because then I know people are only responding out of pity and I don't have any actual talent.

I want to make music for my own enjoyment, but then I fear listening to my own music because I don't want to become "blind" to its flaws, only to share it and be told that the piece I composed and enjoyed actually sucks. I wish I could make the music I want to hear, but it's impossible because of this.

 

[shrizoid]

I have certain interest, mostly creative ones like art and music, that just make me miserable. If I wasn't interested in these topics at all, I wouldn't be as self-hating as I am now. I wish I never liked them in the first place, but I like looking at art and listening to music, and I think to myself "I want to try that." Then I realize I suck, I will always suck, and others will always be so astronomically better than me while being half my age because I will never enjoy it enough to work on it.

And before anyone tells me "just practice / practice makes perfect" YES I KNOW. The problem is that art is a waste of time. Developing my skill and getting good at art is still, ultimately, a waste of time. I know the grass is always greener and that I would hate being an artist in practice, my brain just won't let go of this impossible fantasy where "being an artist" will somehow fix all my problems. I know the fantasy of being loved by others because of my art is a lie. I know becoming fully satisfied with my proficiency will never happen because I actually hate practicing anything, and I always hate my art no matter how "good" I get at it. Even if I become the best artist known to humanity I know in reality I won't feel happier and I won't get the fame and love I desire. Instead I'll still just hate myself, hate my own works, and everyone will think I'm cringy anyways. The quality of the art means nothing, just that I hate the process and will always hate the process.

How do I finally convince my brain to give up on these impossible dreams?
And how can I go back to enjoying art without just feeling bitter jealousy for those who are better than me?

I also have jealousy like this at times that ruins my hobbies for me as well, I still haven't find a good way to cope with it other than trying to not think about it much, and that in (most) cases those people just practiced alot or grinded to get where they are

 

[Mirrory Me]

It is better to refrain from looking at other people's work, then you have more time to practice your own work without constantly comparing it to others.