Venting i wish i could forget

[huntermellow]

if i could forget all the bad memories then i would have no reason to kill myself because it would be as if they never even happened. but my mind is like a prison i'm constantly remembering and trapped inside it with no way out except for when i fall asleep. and even when i fall asleep the bad memories sometimes invade my dreams as well. i wish i could just forget so i could finally feel at peace with myself. i hate remembering all the bad things that happened to me and the bad things i've done and how people treated me and how they feel about me. i can't live with myself. there's people who have been through so much more traumatic stuff than me and probably have ptsd but continue to heal and live and even if they remember they allow themselves to cry over what happened but don't let it hold themself back. but i don't want to remember anything at all. if suffering and pain is an inevitable part of life then i don't want to live. i don't want to keep suffering and feeling pain i've already suffered enough. i've had more bad days than good and i don't want that to keep being the norm in my life.

 

[Brew]

It doesn't matter thinking about other people and how much some hypothetical person has had it worse than you. It's just brain poison we got filled in with when we were kids, is all.
A little bit of ego can't hurt ya, on the contrary. I can assure you that these literally exceptional people that manage to start or are going well with their healing process aren't bothering with how much somebody else is having worse than them.

Latch to who you are now, bad memories and everything. Get to know you more and more. Cry, scream, laugh, do what you must do to truly heal. Get the space for new and better memories to keep your brain busy with those. Life is not about this fraction of it with the midnight hours.

You have had enough.
Give yourself the proper rest while you still can, and throw as many middle fingers to the air as you'd like.
Explore different experiences like each of them were crack.

 

[StevenNewman]

if i could forget all the bad memories then i would have no reason to kill myself because it would be as if they never even happened. but my mind is like a prison i'm constantly remembering and trapped inside it with no way out except for when i fall asleep. and even when i fall asleep the bad memories sometimes invade my dreams as well. i wish i could just forget so i could finally feel at peace with myself. i hate remembering all the bad things that happened to me and the bad things i've done and how people treated me and how they feel about me. i can't live with myself. there's people who have been through so much more traumatic stuff than me and probably have ptsd but continue to heal and live and even if they remember they allow themselves to cry over what happened but don't let it hold themself back. but i don't want to remember anything at all. if suffering and pain is an inevitable part of life then i don't want to live. i don't want to keep suffering and feeling pain i've already suffered enough. i've had more bad days than good and i don't want that to keep being the norm in my life.

I felt this.

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

I know what you mean, it's like I'm a walking haunted house.