Venting i wish he'd just kill me

[this_is_it]

he threatened to break my phone if i called for help. he cornered me and and threw me across the room and just a second ago pinned me down and started screaming at me for crying too loudly. I'm so scared and he keeps trying to defend his actions while i can't think at all i just keep hearing his wordsecho in my head someone please help or kill me i don't know what to do
i called his mom for help during my panic attack and now she's trying to get him to leave me and not come back, she was the last hope i had at having a mother figure and she hates me now
all i want anymore is just to fucking die and no one will listen to me
all i want anymore is just to fucking die and no one will listen to me
he's coming back. I'm going to die in this apartment i know i am
he's already hit me twice and slammed on the brakes in the middle of the highway with me in the car while i was having a panic attack
i don't remember what led up to all of this
i don't remember what led up to all of this
i don't remember what led up to all of this
someone please come and get me or something i don't have any friends i can stay with and my parents are controlling and abusive

 

[koro]

I don't know a lot about your current situation but if I were you I would try to run away or get help from someone like the police, depending on the situation.
Either way all I want to do right now is give you a big hug and I hope that you'll get the peace you need

 

[this_is_it]

i think something inside me died

I don't know a lot about your current situation but if I were you I would try to run away or get help from someone like the police, depending on the situation.
Either way all I want to do right now is give you a big hug and I hope that you'll get the peace you need

i just want to have a happy simple life with him but no matter how many times i set boundaries he won't change idk what to do. we're not really dating at this point but we live together and he pays the rent because i can't get a job and have no car, we're both on the lease, i have no money and nowhere to go

I don't know a lot about your current situation but if I were you I would try to run away or get help from someone like the police, depending on the situation.
Either way all I want to do right now is give you a big hug and I hope that you'll get the peace you need

i just want to have a happy simple life with him but no matter how many times i set boundaries he won't change idk what to do. we're not really dating at this point but we live together and he pays the rent because i can't get a job and have no car, we're both on the lease, i have no money and nowhere to go

I don't know a lot about your current situation but if I were you I would try to run away or get help from someone like the police, depending on the situation.
Either way all I want to do right now is give you a big hug and I hope that you'll get the peace you need

i just want to have a happy simple life with him but no matter how many times i set boundaries he won't change idk what to do. we're not really dating at this point but we live together and he pays the rent because i can't get a job and have no car, we're both on the lease, i have no money and nowhere to go

 

[koro]

Reading this pains me, please tell me that you're getting better, I wish I could help somehow

 

[this_is_it]

sorry my messages keep double posting
i would still prefer this life to the one i had when living with my parents sadly

 

[koro]

sorry my messages keep double posting

It's alright, have you tried breaking up with him or finding someone like from your own family or someone you've known from school, anything like that?

 

[this_is_it]

It's alright, have you tried breaking up with him or finding someone like from your own family or someone you've known from school, anything like that?

i could possibly live with my grandparents except they're both transphobic
all my friends either still live with a parent figure or relative or live way too far to even visit

 

[koro]

i could possibly live with my grandparents except they're both transphobic

But as long as they don't go too hard on you it would still be better right?

 

[this_is_it]

Oh okay then I take that back from my previous reply.. Still, anybody else?

But as long as they don't go too hard on you it would still be better right?

idk i feel like everyone i get close to and everyone i move in with hurts me. i dont want to go through that pain again
i just want him to get better i really love him i just cant keep living like this and he wont listen
i would have to uproot my entire life
I'm not strong enough to handle this shit, i wish the abuse was physical instead of mostly being emotional because i honestly feel like i could handle that better
who decided my life needed to be this miserable

 

[koro]

I really wish I could somehow be more helpful, I don't know what you could do. Even though I've never been with someone I love I can understand the feeling of not wanting to leave him but I feel like none of these options are good at all. How about trying to contact someone you've known before just to feel a bit better for the time being or maybe someone else in this forum has better advice to give..
Maybe you could try finding his weakpoints to talk sense into him, but either way, I think I'm out of ideas, sorry.

 

[this_is_it]

I really wish I could somehow be more helpful, I don't know what you could do. Even though I've never been with someone I love I can understand the feeling of not wanting to leave him but I feel like none of these options are good at all. How about trying to contact someone you've known before just to feel a bit better for the time being or maybe someone else in this forum has better advice to give..
Maybe you could try finding his weakpoints to talk sense into him, but either way, I think I'm out of ideas, sorry.

i don't really expect to find a solution here, except maybe a method of ctb lol, thank you for talking to me while i was in crisis

 

[koro]

..I'm sorry I misunderstood but I really hope you get better, whether it's through ctb or not.

My preferable method of ctb is Shallow Water Blackout (SWB), you might wanna look into that. Basically what you wanna do is fall unconscious and while you are, drown to death.
It's a peaceful and painless death, assuming you manage to fall unconscious the right way.

But if it's not ctb you might wanna try calling the police or something, from what I just read they seem to have better options or advice for you available than I do. However, I cannot guarantee that they actually do help you since I have no clue regarding that stuff and that would also mean that you would probably have to leave him.

 

[Levia@than]

Idk your personal experience exactly, but as someone who has been in a heavily abusive situation before I understand. If you pay for the apartment I would kick him out and change the lock. I'm assuming based on what you're saying that he pays for it though. Honestly just call the cops. If he threw you across the room you can get him in legal trouble for domestic violence and assault. You probably won't be able to live in the apartment after that, but that shouldn't be a problem. you can sue him and get enough financial compensation to move out. If you have bruises (maybe some video evidence if you want to try and be sneaky) you probably won't need an expensive lawyer to win the case. You don't have to take my advice ofc. I understand that there are a lot of unknow variables on my end to know if this is even possible. whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out for you. You have my support.

 

[casual_existence]

You could try going to a shelter. There's also a hotline for abuse victims https://www.thehotline.org/
800-799-7233
or you can chat online with them or text them at
Text START to 88788

 

[TheShadowKing]

You need to find a job so you can get away from him or the courage to CTB

 

[this_is_it]

You need to find a job so you can get away from him or the courage to CTB

im trying but ive been rejected by every job in walking distance and have no car