Venting I wish God understood

[EternalShore]

I just wish God understood :(
I don't want to go to Hell, but He puts me in such an awful spot~ It's funny because a lot of people see sewer slide as sending them to Hell~ Meanwhile, with me, it honestly seems to be my safest bet for going to Heaven~ because while I'm here, I'm always going to be dying to go trans, date and marry a guy and have kids with him~ but God tells me that it's practically most certainly a sin, but it's also my only reasonable road through life :( Life is so miserable otherwise of constant pretending and constant pain :((( I can live it (quite miserably obviously), but God clearly didn't create me with all my unique qualities with living a miserable life like that in mind~ Otherwise, it's just such a waste~

so it's like I have a better chance of going to Heaven through an unknowable situation like sewer slide rather than a knowable one like sin. :( Maybe my death will prove my faithfulness~ but maybe I will just end up like Judas... Or maybe this is how God wanted me to be, so I should just embrace it. It's impossible to know :/

 

[.dreamless.]

I can't tell what god thinks about us or how life after death looks like but I believe this world is actually HELL.

War, suffering, greed, back stabbing, liars,... I think this sums it up pretty much? All we're trying to do is to escape this shithole called 'earth'

Wish you all the best in this life and the life after death

 

[Yaffle]

I'm atheist, for me the lights will just go out. Far easier that way. All I want is to cease to exist.

Even existing in so called heaven would still be a hellish prospect.

 

[certified_idiot]

The way I got over all of the heaven/hell anxiety is realizing that if god was actually like what the bible says, god would have shown himself to doubting followers so they wouldn't be led astray onto paths of sin. I spent nights praying for god to show himself, and I never got a sign. My only conclusions were that either god didn't exist or didn't care about me. I was always taught that god cared about everyone, and that we needed to listen to him whenever he spoke to us. He never spoke to me, even when I asked him to, so either he's so different from what I was taught that he might be completely different from what I was taught, or that he didn't exist. If it's the former, he probably doesn't care about me enough to send me to hell, if it's the latter, than I don't need to worry at all.

However, I don't know your situation, it might be completely different to mine.

 

[cosmic_traveler]

I don't want to change your faith but maybe hearing another perspective will help.

Have you considered that Heaven and Hell are not destinations, but rather perspectives? If you're a cheerful person who helps others and brings joy, aren't you spreading the kingdom of Heaven? If you're miserable and in pain and cause suffering to those around you, aren't you already in Hell?

If everything went "right" in your life and you were living a comfortable, quality life, you would say you're in Heaven.

We are not human creatures seeking an eternal spiritual existence, we are eternal spiritual creatures living a brief human experience.

 

[oddetoad]

God isn't in this reality
The "God" of this reality is nothing less than a sadistic piece of shit that deserves to die

 

[Minu]

I don't think there is a god in this world

 

[MrShino]

Been thinking the same also, maybe it is a sin to end one's life, but that would be one sin rather than the many that are unavoidable here in this world - and as a grand total be better. I also believe God put's us in an terrible position where we really have to consider this.

 

[Ampsvx123]

We are in purgatory, the trial, the purge is now, the key to heaven is a pure soul that is one with empathy, love and kindness. Sinners ought not to fear hell, the flames there are kind, they cleanse away all impurities, malices and worse. Innocence and purity is what they leave, and a trial is set anew, the soul tested once more.

 

[EternalShore]

Been thinking the same also, maybe it is a sin to end one's life, but that would be one sin rather than the many that are unavoidable here in this world - and as a grand total be better. I also believe God put's us in an terrible position where we really have to consider this.

completely true~ :( I hate it so much! :((( By ending my life, I'd do less sin than by continue in being here so why shouldn't why?

 

[Manfrotto99]

But both sides you mentioned are sinful from a Biblical perspective and no one sin or sins is better than another...according to the Bible (God does not add up and tally our sins). The things you mentioned maybe considered sinful according to the Bible but they are not evil and do not make you an evil person. God knows your heart and how he has made you... imperfect. But who is perfect other than Jesus and who does not sin? Allow him to change you if you wish, but if he doesn't, then its ok to love and be yourself as you are. The hard lesson may be to remain pure of heart with love and compassion despite your trials and imperfections and the accusations and judgements or others (esp judgemental Christians), not easy, but I'm sure God would help you if you let him.

 

[mortuarymary]

There is no god.

 

[iusedtobehappy]

I don't want to change your faith but maybe hearing another perspective will help.

Have you considered that Heaven and Hell are not destinations, but rather perspectives? If you're a cheerful person who helps others and brings joy, aren't you spreading the kingdom of Heaven? If you're miserable and in pain and cause suffering to those around you, aren't you already in Hell?

If everything went "right" in your life and you were living a comfortable, quality life, you would say you're in Heaven.

We are not human creatures seeking an eternal spiritual existence, we are eternal spiritual creatures living a brief human experience.

Can I ask why you want to CTB? You seem very enlightened and positive. I like reading your posts. But why do you want to?

 

[cosmic_traveler]

Can I ask why you want to CTB? You seem very enlightened and positive. I like reading your posts. But why do you want to?

We've wanted to die ever since we were 7. We're 39 now.

Our baby sitter sat me in front of several (more than 5) cutting instruments and demanded to know which one we used to cut the hair off her daughter's doll. We were forced to make a selection, we didn't commit the crime. My parents were informed, I tried to explain my case, they wouldn't listen. They thought I was a liar, they refused my reality, I asked my father to kill me.

My whole life I've never felt understood. We developed DID and a plethora of other 3 letter diagnosis. When we were a baby we were functionally deaf for 2 years because my neglected ear infections sealed my ear canals. We developed our own language that only we could understand before receiving ear surgery my speech pathologist demanded.

Thought my wife understood me, thought my friends would back me up, thought family wouldn't evaporate in my hands. Our mental health problems isolated me physically and emotionally from everyone I cared about.

My cousin committed suicide when we were both 18. I wish he would have told us. It would have been great to go out together. We've had several false starts in life, we're tired of playing the game. Time to go to sleep.

 

[iusedtobehappy]

We've wanted to die ever since we were 7. We're 39 now.

Our baby sitter sat me in front of several (more than 5) cutting instruments and demanded to know which one we used to cut the hair off her daughter's doll. We were forced to make a selection, we didn't commit the crime. My parents were informed, I tried to explain my case, they wouldn't listen. They thought I was a liar, they refused my reality, I asked my father to kill me.

My whole life I've never felt understood. We developed DID and a plethora of other 3 letter diagnosis. When we were a baby we were functionally deaf for 2 years because my neglected ear infections sealed my ear canals. We developed our own language that only we could understand before receiving ear surgery my speech pathologist demanded.

Thought my wife understood me, thought my friends would back me up, thought family wouldn't evaporate in my hands. Our mental health problems isolated me physically and emotionally from everyone I cared about.

My cousin committed suicide when we were both 18. I wish he would have told us. It would have been great to go out together. We've had several false starts in life, we're tired of playing the game. Time to go to sleep.

What is amazing is that every single one of those things was someone else's doing and inadequacies projected onto you. What is even more amazing is that every one of you (I'm not sure how many souls are in you) are probably the only ones who evolved. It's actually cruelly ironic that the ones who should stay, meaning all of you, are the ones probably to go. What you have to say here is awesome btw. The Isha Kriya meditation I would never have known about. More people should be saying "thank you" to you all.

 

[inneedrelief]

The way I got over all of the heaven/hell anxiety is realizing that if god was actually like what the bible says, god would have shown himself to doubting followers so they wouldn't be led astray onto paths of sin. I spent nights praying for god to show himself, and I never got a sign. My only conclusions were that either god didn't exist or didn't care about me. I was always taught that god cared about everyone, and that we needed to listen to him whenever he spoke to us. He never spoke to me, even when I asked him to, so either he's so different from what I was taught that he might be completely different from what I was taught, or that he didn't exist. If it's the former, he probably doesn't care about me enough to send me to hell, if it's the latter, than I don't need to worry at all.

However, I don't know your situation, it might be completely different to mine.

I don't know why god hasn't showed himself to you but for me I just believed he was real in my heart at first then later on I found out the truth and felt conviction of my sins (bc I didn't really know the gospel and what it meant)...but after putting my faith and accepting him in my heart, he sorta revealed himself to me I felt him as I prayed after like few prayers, I didn't know he could be felt(?)....but I believe he reveals himself by sharing the gospel with you but it's up to you to believe in it or not it's ultimately by faith and that's why we believe

 

[Aim]

He does dear, but we need to follow in his fotsteps to reach his enlightenment.

 

[EternalShore]

But both sides you mentioned are sinful from a Biblical perspective and no one sin or sins is better than another...according to the Bible (God does not add up and tally our sins). The things you mentioned maybe considered sinful according to the Bible but they are not evil and do not make you an evil person. God knows your heart and how he has made you... imperfect. But who is perfect other than Jesus and who does not sin? Allow him to change you if you wish, but if he doesn't, then its ok to love and be yourself as you are. The hard lesson may be to remain pure of heart with love and compassion despite your trials and imperfections and the accusations and judgements or others (esp judgemental Christians), not easy, but I'm sure God would help you if you let him.

Thank you so much~ <3 I wish I could hang this response up on a wall somewhere~ You sound like such a wonderful person :) It's unfortunate that you had to end up here! :( Anyways, I ultimately decided to date him and go trans, and honestly, I would never wish to go back on my own~ hehe~ There really wasn't much of a choice for me, and I wish I went down this road long ago~ yes, it really is hard to do that (especially we are sinful as you said), but I will continue spread my Christian love to all those around me in spite of all that's happened! ^_^ or maybe even because! hehe~
Anyways, I'm not sewer slidal at all anymore, and I'm actually hopeful for the future for once! ^_^ hehe~

 

[Manfrotto99]

Thank you so much~ <3 I wish I could hang this response up on a wall somewhere~ You sound like such a wonderful person :) It's unfortunate that you had to end up here! :( Anyways, I ultimately decided to date him and go trans, and honestly, I would never wish to go back on my own~ hehe~ There really wasn't much of a choice for me, and I wish I went down this road long ago~ yes, it really is hard to do that (especially we are sinful as you said), but I will continue spread my Christian love to all those around me in spite of all that's happened! ^_^ or maybe even because! hehe~
Anyways, I'm not sewer slidal at all anymore, and I'm actually hopeful for the future for once! ^_^ hehe~

I'm glad I could be of some help. Keep being true to yourself no matter what, your a beautiful person and I know God loves you as you are. Was just thinking of you today and felt I wanted to mention, maybe you could try seeking out others like yourself. Your not the only trans Christian out there. Many of the Uniting and even Anglican churches are very accepting, some even have gay ministers. It depends on the individual church. It took me a long time to find a church where I felt accepted for my own personal reasons. Many saw through me and condemned me in front of the entire congregation for being suicidal. Eventually God lead me to a church where I can praise and focus on Him and His message to me outside of society and religious dogma. The support of a church where you feel accepted is very important, esp when you go through tough times.

 

[EternalShore]

I'm glad I could be of some help. Keep being true to yourself no matter what, your a beautiful person and I know God loves you as you are. Was just thinking of you today and felt I wanted to mention, maybe you could try seeking out others like yourself. Your not the only trans Christian out there. Many of the Uniting and even Anglican churches are very accepting, some even have gay ministers. It depends on the individual church. It took me a long time to find a church where I felt accepted for my own personal reasons. Many saw through me and condemned me in front of the entire congregation for being suicidal. Eventually God lead me to a church where I can praise and focus on Him and His message to me outside of society and religious dogma. The support of a church where you feel accepted is very important, esp when you go through tough times.

Thank you so much for being so kind to me! <3 You are just as much a beautiful person in God's eyes and mine, just as you say to me! ^_^
Thank you for the advice! :) I will probably swap to an Anglican church or ELCA one when I can and am glad for churches as those where Christians are truly accepting. :) I'm sorry that churches have not been as nice and loving to you as God is :( It's honestly rather evil for them to condemn your desires for death! :/ Many faithful Christians have had the same desires and dismissing and bullying you for them is truly evil for people who "love" God to be doing! >:(
However, I am glad you found a loving church for you and your worship of God and thank you for wishing me the best with mine too :)

 

[Manfrotto99]

Thank you so much for being so kind to me! <3 You are just as much a beautiful person in God's eyes and mine, just as you say to me! ^_^
Thank you for the advice! :) I will probably swap to an Anglican church or ELCA one when I can and am glad for churches as those where Christians are truly accepting. :) I'm sorry that churches have not been as nice and loving to you as God is :( It's honestly rather evil for them to condemn your desires for death! :/ Many faithful Christians have had the same desires and dismissing and bullying you for them is truly evil for people who "love" God to be doing! >:(
However, I am glad you found a loving church for you and your worship of God and thank you for wishing me the best with mine too :)

Thank you, I think they ment well, they just do not understand. The church I attend runs a home for young people and one of the young girls took her life, I remember the minister (his passed away and his wife took over) saying he did not agree with other preachers where I live and that he believed she is in heaven with God. I knew then that God intended me to stay there.

 

[Unattainable666]

I just wish God understood :(
I don't want to go to Hell, but He puts me in such an awful spot~ It's funny because a lot of people see sewer slide as sending them to Hell~ Meanwhile, with me, it honestly seems to be my safest bet for going to Heaven~ because while I'm here, I'm always going to be dying to go trans, date and marry a guy and have kids with him~ but God tells me that it's practically most certainly a sin, but it's also my only reasonable road through life :( Life is so miserable otherwise of constant pretending and constant pain :((( I can live it (quite miserably obviously), but God clearly didn't create me with all my unique qualities with living a miserable life like that in mind~ Otherwise, it's just such a waste~

so it's like I have a better chance of going to Heaven through an unknowable situation like sewer slide rather than a knowable one like sin. :( Maybe my death will prove my faithfulness~ but maybe I will just end up like Judas... Or maybe this is how God wanted me to be, so I should just embrace it. It's impossible to know :/

There is NO god

 

[EternalShore]

There is NO god

@Dot Can you thread block people like this please? :) thank you! ^_^

 

[Unattainable666]

@Dot Can you thread block people like this please? :) thank you! ^_^

No worries I'll block you

 

[Dot]

Pls respct membrs relign

Religs ppl r askd nt t/ tll othr ppl wht 2 belive & aethst ppl r askd also t/ respct belifs of thse wth faith

 

[h78272]

I don't have anything to add to your post but it really annoys me when people feel the need to express that they don't believe that God exists. How does telling a believer "There is no God" benefit you or them? Just makes them come off as annoying and attention seeking.
Nevertheless, God bless you.