I will not give up!

[Baskol1]

I will not give up, atleast not for now. I will probably not kill myself at my 20th birthday, its just too early, im too young. That doesnt mean i will never do it. But not in a few days. I will not yet give up. Maybe in a few years if it doesnt get better, or worse. But not now. And i do not want that my dog will be sad, and heartbroken if i kill myself. Because my dog certainly would, because my dog absolutely loves me. Do you have a pet too that keeps you alive? Or why do you still keep fighting?

 

[262653]

But by deciding to live you give up suicide. Would that mean that you give up either way?

 

[Baskol1]

But by deciding to live you give up suicide. Would that mean that you give up either way?

No, just not in the next few years. My dog needs me.

 

[Donewith_]

Good that you paln to hang on for a while.
I hope..things turn out in a good way for you.
And i have raised two chicks before few years.. i dont have pets now.

 

[Robbyna]

Don't give up! I wish I had told myself to keep fighting before I ruined my life beyond repair. If you have any hope at all keep going! There are many beautiful things about life worth living for if you can. I am pro choice, but like many here I felt it shouldn't be your first option especially not at 19 years old.

 

[Baskol1]

Good that you paln to hang on for a while.
I hope..things turn out in a good way for you.
And i have raised two chicks before few years.. i dont have pets now.

Im not ready to leave earth in the moment. Not in the next few months, maybe in 10 years.

Don't give up! I wish I had told myself to keep fighting before I ruined my life beyond repair. If you have any hope at all keep going! There are many beautiful things about life worth living for if you can. I am pro choice, but like many here I felt it shouldn't be your first option especially not at 19 years old.

I just cant kill myself as long as my dog is alive.

 

[Futility]

I totally get where you're coming from, my dog and I have a very strong bond, I can't do it to her, she needs me.

You're going to face many ups and downs, but you know you'll always have this place for support :)

 

[Baskol1]

I totally get where you're coming from, my dog and I have a very strong bond, I can't do it to her, she needs me.

You're going to face many ups and downs, but you know you'll always have this place for support :)

Shes a havanese, average lifespan of 15! Shes 1 year old.

 

[Futility]

Shes a havanese

Oh those are cute, I once had a Tibetan terrier, they look a bit similar!
The dog I have now is an Alaskan husky mix, looks a bit like a slender wolf

 

[Baskol1]

Oh those are cute, I once had a Tibetan terrier, they look a bit similar!
The dog I have now is an Alaskan husky mix, looks a bit like a slender wolf

You can see her in the picture, her name is Ida, a german name.

 

[Futility]

You can see her in the picture, her name is Ida, a german name.

I would show you mine on here, but she's pretty unique and I'm afraid of getting recognized through my dog

 

[Baskol1]

I would show you mine on here, but she's pretty unique and I'm afraid of getting recognized through my dog

Yes, my dog looks like an average havanese.
By the Way i simply cant overcome my survival instict. I probably will never really kill myself, like the most people here. I know you dont want to hear that, but its the truth. Dying ist scary.

 

[Rocksandsand]

@Baskol1 your dog is so lovely

I have a poodle x bichon frise and he's also a year old, and also the only reason I am still alive. Do you ever feel guilty about being a depressed owner? I always feel so guilty for not walking my fur baby enough.

It's amazing how dogs can light up your day

 

[k75]

I actually do have a pet keeping me alive. She's 14, and I've had her since she was born so I'm all she's known. She's attached to me like a dog gets attached to people, which is unusual for cats. I have A LOT of guilt because of her, but she's not stopping me. Just making me stall a little bit.

@Baskol1 Do you ever feel guilty about being a depressed owner? I always feel so guilty for not walking my fur baby enough.

I so do! She can tell when I'm really upset, and it disturbs her. She will kind of check on me when I'm super upset and get really purry and snuggly, but when I'm crying she just runs and hides. I think she doesn't know how to deal with it.

And sometimes I really think I'm depressing her too, and my therapists always try to twist that into a self esteem issue for me which is ridiculous. But like... on days when it it's really bad, I don't get out of bed or turn on any lights, and she has to exist in my darkness. I try to remind myself to at least do little things like turn on the lights for her but it doesn't always work out.

 

[Baskol1]

Yesterday i had an horrible accident, was nearly blinded, i was very lucky.

 

[k75]

Yesterday i had an horrible accident, was nearly blinded, i was very lucky.

That's scary! What happened?

 

[Baskol1]

That's scary! What happened?

Smashed against an door with a window.
Now i want to die even less.

 

[Letmego. Please]

@Baskol1

I am so pleased to read/hear that you will stick around for a while longer.
A very kind nurse once said to me at the same age that i shouldn't kill myself as i hadn't yet lived, given life a chance, i ignored her & jumped off a car park. I am now 48 & in a way i am glad crippling myself stopped me in my tracks & ultimately kept me alive, as the last 26yrs has for the most part been worth it, it gave me the chance to fall in love, get married, something my younger self thought never possible, I've been to some amazing places, met many brilliant people & had a hell of a lot of fun that i never imagined possible.

It is very hard at that age to see past what has so far been the norm in life & to see that it mayn't always be that way.
I cannot put into words how happy i am at knowing you will fight this & fight for the better future that is always possible no matter how impossible it seems.
You have my upmost respect, & also for being wiser than i ever was.

 

[epsilon]

Because of my parents and grandparents. They would be devastated. Also I don't have the balls (for now).

 

[Beautifulletdown]

I will not give up, atleast not for now. I will probably not kill myself at my 20th birthday, its just too early, im too young. That doesnt mean i will never do it. But not in a few days. I will not yet give up. Maybe in a few years if it doesnt get better, or worse. But not now. And i do not want that my dog will be sad, and heartbroken if i kill myself. Because my dog certainly would, because my dog absolutely loves me. Do you have a pet too that keeps you alive? Or why do you still keep fighting?

I wish you the best. I hope things get better for you. I'm rooting for ya. Be well!