breadliker123
The world's most marvelous girl
- Mar 24, 2025
- 21
I don't think i have ever been.
ive never been normal, not even as a child. I was so strange, so quiet and complacent. i dont think my classmates nor teachers remembered my name each time i passed a grade.
Ive always been a shameful attention seeker. Sometimes i think my ultimate goal in life is simply to be pitiful, to be seen as useless, wasted potential, though i don't think i'm too good at it. I fear that if i put too much effort into ever crying out for help, o woll be cast out for being the freak i am. They'll punish me for mocking the things true people truly feel.
Most of the time i dont know how to communicate with others. Interacting with actual people makes me itchy. I dont know how to move, when to smile, when to frown, when to talk, when to stop stuttering. Ive been doing this for so long, i can sometimes fool myself into thinking ive mastered the act, but i can tell people know i dont know what im doing, i know they cant tell im not like anyone there because they are real and i am not.
My face is just one i stole, so is my body. I cant wear makeup and i cant make myself beautiful because i dont know what beauty looks to anyone but my skewed self. I can't feel empathy but i beg it from others.
It has been so long since ive felt actual happiness, actual anger, actual lust. This body begs for me to touch it and i can't ever refuse it because i know that if i don't somehow satisfy myself i will end up hurting others because the only thing of mine that i can truly call human is my evilness.
Another thing of myself i can also try to call human may be my self centeredness, though ive been told thats only a notion i have of myself, no one else percieves me that way because somehow i have a hidden martyr complex everyone knows of but myself.
I like to be proud of that. I may not feel it, but my self sacrifice must be a sign that i can care for others even if i dont feel it. that the emptiness inside me doesn't fully break me.
Every day i wake up i can tell im horrible. a horrible person that should not be here because i stole the body of a beautiful baby girl that was meant to have a good future because she was blessed with a big beautiful family and a wonderful healthy brain and body.
But i am here intead. I ruined her body, scarred her and deformed her. I stole her brain, got so many good grades and stripped it from whatever else because i cant use her emotions. I am consciuous of my every mistake and flaw, but somehow not powerful enough to reign over this body fully because its impulsiveness acts against me and i cant tell what i have gotten myself into until i am standing there, stomach sinking as i am about to do i dont remember agreeing to.
I stole the oportunity from this girl to be touched, i stole her trauma and minimized it to mere jokes because i cant feel sorrow for myself, only for her.
I vowed celibacy because i am too sick to even graze hands with another person. I have cursed this body to die having only been touched and violated by the only person i can maybe call more evil than I.
I am a perpetual failure, an evil being that wears the skin of an innocent girl that only lives in the memory of others and old pictures i can't stare at because i dont know who that is. I cant feel anything, all my emotions are fake.
I'm a fake artist, a fake poet a fake writer. No true art has ever come from me because i cant feel. Im no better than a printer and no one will ever call me out for it.
Im going to finish with my evil self and i will never know what true joy, anger or love are. I dont know how people can even come to care for me but at the same time im so evil i cant undertsand how i am not more loved, how people don't ever ask me about myself or how do people not ever notice how much damage i've done to myself, even though i only hurt when i need others to notice.
every night i pray for my death to be an accident so people can feel sorrow for my family and on the same breath i pray for god only to take me if its by my hand because i need to prove my autonomy at least once, i pray to live forever, to bury those who think i love them then die by old age and be buried and cried over by those i have raised and love me.
i want to die like a person, to take my inhumaness to the grave and not ever let anyone know about it so that they may live in a lie i never managed to convince myself with.
i send all my fake love to anyone who truly feels. I feel ashamed of even posting this here. Please understand im not trying to mock anyone who feels true pain, but i can't ever tell anyone about this but i cant die without saying it either.
ive never been normal, not even as a child. I was so strange, so quiet and complacent. i dont think my classmates nor teachers remembered my name each time i passed a grade.
Ive always been a shameful attention seeker. Sometimes i think my ultimate goal in life is simply to be pitiful, to be seen as useless, wasted potential, though i don't think i'm too good at it. I fear that if i put too much effort into ever crying out for help, o woll be cast out for being the freak i am. They'll punish me for mocking the things true people truly feel.
Most of the time i dont know how to communicate with others. Interacting with actual people makes me itchy. I dont know how to move, when to smile, when to frown, when to talk, when to stop stuttering. Ive been doing this for so long, i can sometimes fool myself into thinking ive mastered the act, but i can tell people know i dont know what im doing, i know they cant tell im not like anyone there because they are real and i am not.
My face is just one i stole, so is my body. I cant wear makeup and i cant make myself beautiful because i dont know what beauty looks to anyone but my skewed self. I can't feel empathy but i beg it from others.
It has been so long since ive felt actual happiness, actual anger, actual lust. This body begs for me to touch it and i can't ever refuse it because i know that if i don't somehow satisfy myself i will end up hurting others because the only thing of mine that i can truly call human is my evilness.
Another thing of myself i can also try to call human may be my self centeredness, though ive been told thats only a notion i have of myself, no one else percieves me that way because somehow i have a hidden martyr complex everyone knows of but myself.
I like to be proud of that. I may not feel it, but my self sacrifice must be a sign that i can care for others even if i dont feel it. that the emptiness inside me doesn't fully break me.
Every day i wake up i can tell im horrible. a horrible person that should not be here because i stole the body of a beautiful baby girl that was meant to have a good future because she was blessed with a big beautiful family and a wonderful healthy brain and body.
But i am here intead. I ruined her body, scarred her and deformed her. I stole her brain, got so many good grades and stripped it from whatever else because i cant use her emotions. I am consciuous of my every mistake and flaw, but somehow not powerful enough to reign over this body fully because its impulsiveness acts against me and i cant tell what i have gotten myself into until i am standing there, stomach sinking as i am about to do i dont remember agreeing to.
I stole the oportunity from this girl to be touched, i stole her trauma and minimized it to mere jokes because i cant feel sorrow for myself, only for her.
I vowed celibacy because i am too sick to even graze hands with another person. I have cursed this body to die having only been touched and violated by the only person i can maybe call more evil than I.
I am a perpetual failure, an evil being that wears the skin of an innocent girl that only lives in the memory of others and old pictures i can't stare at because i dont know who that is. I cant feel anything, all my emotions are fake.
I'm a fake artist, a fake poet a fake writer. No true art has ever come from me because i cant feel. Im no better than a printer and no one will ever call me out for it.
Im going to finish with my evil self and i will never know what true joy, anger or love are. I dont know how people can even come to care for me but at the same time im so evil i cant undertsand how i am not more loved, how people don't ever ask me about myself or how do people not ever notice how much damage i've done to myself, even though i only hurt when i need others to notice.
every night i pray for my death to be an accident so people can feel sorrow for my family and on the same breath i pray for god only to take me if its by my hand because i need to prove my autonomy at least once, i pray to live forever, to bury those who think i love them then die by old age and be buried and cried over by those i have raised and love me.
i want to die like a person, to take my inhumaness to the grave and not ever let anyone know about it so that they may live in a lie i never managed to convince myself with.
i send all my fake love to anyone who truly feels. I feel ashamed of even posting this here. Please understand im not trying to mock anyone who feels true pain, but i can't ever tell anyone about this but i cant die without saying it either.
