So guys... i am having lots of doubts about CTBing, i keep wondering that if take my SN at the last minute i will regret, that i will miss what i could still achieve in life if i don't commit suicide.
And think with so much doubts, even though my mind keeps pulling myself to thinking suicide would be worth it, i honestly don't think it would be. Not right now...
I am not crippled (no offense to those who might be) i just have suicidal thoughts, but i believe that if i persist and try to distract myself, and try to make new friends and get a girlfriend, my view about life might change..
Maybe this is my Survival Instinct talking and maybe things will not get better.
All i know is that if i end it know, sure, the pain might go away, but i will miss on many things that life has to offer, and i am not biased, i know that even though there is a lot of negative, there is also positive stuff in life.
And i realize that being on here constantly reading Goodbye Threads, and reading threads about people that truly feel like life sucks and suicide is the correct way out, it won't help me recover, or try at least.
But i am happy that there is a forum like this, because it gives suicidal people a place to vent freely, instead of wanting to vent with friends and family, but being afraid of judgement, because well, most people in real life don't care about our problems... yea i've noticed.
So if nobody cares about them, i have to be the one caring about myself and trying to recover.
I decided i will give it 1 year, i know it will be hard, i will probably be tempted to go back to a suicidal state. But i have to give it my best...
I have my SN and my meto secured in a safe, so if after 1 year i am not doing better, i will definitely CTB. But then i will know for sure things won't ever get better, as 1 year should be enough for me to recover.
So i truly hope to comeback here one day, and be able to say i recovered and that i will throw my SN away...
I think it would be good to become someone that can be a source of hope to those who are suicidal but don't wish to die, i desire to also help those people.
So wish me luck guys! I respect all of your decisions, because we all going out the same way, some sooner some later, but we will all meet someday i believe.
if anyone feels like, join me in this Challenge, give it a year, and message me if necessary.
Goodbye!
And think with so much doubts, even though my mind keeps pulling myself to thinking suicide would be worth it, i honestly don't think it would be. Not right now...
I am not crippled (no offense to those who might be) i just have suicidal thoughts, but i believe that if i persist and try to distract myself, and try to make new friends and get a girlfriend, my view about life might change..
Maybe this is my Survival Instinct talking and maybe things will not get better.
All i know is that if i end it know, sure, the pain might go away, but i will miss on many things that life has to offer, and i am not biased, i know that even though there is a lot of negative, there is also positive stuff in life.
And i realize that being on here constantly reading Goodbye Threads, and reading threads about people that truly feel like life sucks and suicide is the correct way out, it won't help me recover, or try at least.
But i am happy that there is a forum like this, because it gives suicidal people a place to vent freely, instead of wanting to vent with friends and family, but being afraid of judgement, because well, most people in real life don't care about our problems... yea i've noticed.
So if nobody cares about them, i have to be the one caring about myself and trying to recover.
I decided i will give it 1 year, i know it will be hard, i will probably be tempted to go back to a suicidal state. But i have to give it my best...
I have my SN and my meto secured in a safe, so if after 1 year i am not doing better, i will definitely CTB. But then i will know for sure things won't ever get better, as 1 year should be enough for me to recover.
So i truly hope to comeback here one day, and be able to say i recovered and that i will throw my SN away...
I think it would be good to become someone that can be a source of hope to those who are suicidal but don't wish to die, i desire to also help those people.
So wish me luck guys! I respect all of your decisions, because we all going out the same way, some sooner some later, but we will all meet someday i believe.
if anyone feels like, join me in this Challenge, give it a year, and message me if necessary.
Goodbye!
