I will CTB on christmas eve

[DarkerDragonSoul]

I'm going to go today. I chose SN as my method. I really hope it works. I've been a lurker on here for quite a while and made a account just a month ago and haven't posted much on here (I don't even have the search function unlocked LOL).

I've taken just taken anti emetics and I'm just waiting for an hour to pass. My plan is to take the SN and turn on loud music after I lay down in bed. I live in an apartment complex and I'm sure that the neighbors will call the police. There is no police in my city so the police has to do a 10-15 Minute drive to where I live. I'm positive that no one will safe me in time. I have written a note saying sorry to the policemen for using them and apologized ti the neighbors for the loud music I'm going to play.

To tell a bit about myself:
I'm M/21 and I'm suffering from depression, schizoid personality disorder and social phobia since I'm 13 y/o. I tried to get medical help. I tried all kinds of medication, it didn't work and just made things worse, I tried therapy for around five years and it basicly did nothing. I tried rehab clinics and other psychatric hospitals but all of them made it worse in one way or another. I tried other rehab programs from the state, I tried working and all of that did not help me in the end.

My family wasn't supportive from the start. My parents did not belive, that all these things that I got diagnosed with are making me "antisocial and lazy". They told me that I'm the problem and that I'm just victimizig myself with the help of my diagnosises I got. I left high school becuase I couldn't do it any longer and they told me that they are going to trow me out when I'm 18 and they did. Since then I've never seen my parents in person again. We just had some text exchanges since then. My half sister doesn't even respond to the massages I've sent her.

I tried to connect with people in real life, all of them neglected me and treated me like I wasn't there. My last attempt to socialise was this year during november when I tried going to a festival with music I enjoy and tried to socialise and make friends there with people that also enjoy the music that I listen to. But it didn't work. I had nice chats and all but not a single person wanted to spend the time at the festival with me.

So yeah, I tried, I really did but some things are just not ment to be. That my family is just a bunch of assholes is something I couldn't choose. That people don't want anything to do with me is also something I can't really controll. That medication didn't help and therapy didn't do anything is also something that is just unlucky for me.

To keep going just isn't an option. I'm thanking everyone on here for provideing recources on how to CTB without much suffering. Without this place I just would of chose a method that has little chance of working or a method that involves traumatizing random people. Thanks to this site I can just go without making a mess and without hurting random people. Thank you for that.

If you have questions about me or something else feel free to ask. I'm going to be here for about an hour or so and I would be glad to answer anything you guys would ask me.

 

[Worndown]

May you have a very peaceful journey.

 

[no!tres.]

man good luck, i hope u prepared well enough for it to all go smooth

do u think u'll report how u feel minute by minute or record for documentation?

 

[researcher12]

Hope u find peace at the end.

 

[DarkerDragonSoul]

man good luck, i hope u prepared well enough for it to all go smooth

do u think u'll report how u feel minute by minute or record for documentation?

I'm positive that it will all work out. And I hope that I'm right with my assumptions in how thinsgs will go.

With the documentation. I don't know I feel pretty uncomfortable about that so I probobly won't do it.

 

[J&L383]

I'm going to go today. I chose SN as my method. I really hope it works. I've been a lurker on here for quite a while and made a account just a month ago and haven't posted much on here (I don't even have the search function unlocked LOL).

I've taken just taken anti emetics and I'm just waiting for an hour to pass. My plan is to take the SN and turn on loud music after I lay down in bed. I live in an apartment complex and I'm sure that the neighbors will call the police. There is no police in my city so the police has to do a 10-15 Minute drive to where I live. I'm positive that no one will safe me in time. I have written a note saying sorry to the policemen for using them and apologized ti the neighbors for the loud music I'm going to play.

To tell a bit about myself:
I'm M/21 and I'm suffering from depression, schizoid personality disorder and social phobia since I'm 13 y/o. I tried to get medical help. I tried all kinds of medication, it didn't work and just made things worse, I tried therapy for around five years and it basicly did nothing. I tried rehab clinics and other psychatric hospitals but all of them made it worse in one way or another. I tried other rehab programs from the state, I tried working and all of that did not help me in the end.

My family wasn't supportive from the start. My parents did not belive, that all these things that I got diagnosed with are making me "antisocial and lazy". They told me that I'm the problem and that I'm just victimizig myself with the help of my diagnosises I got. I left high school becuase I couldn't do it any longer and they told me that they are going to trow me out when I'm 18 and they did. Since then I've never seen my parents in person again. We just had some text exchanges since then. My half sister doesn't even respond to the massages I've sent her.

I tried to connect with people in real life, all of them neglected me and treated me like I wasn't there. My last attempt to socialise was this year during november when I tried going to a festival with music I enjoy and tried to socialise and make friends there with people that also enjoy the music that I listen to. But it didn't work. I had nice chats and all but not a single person wanted to spend the time at the festival with me.

So yeah, I tried, I really did but some things are just not ment to be. That my family is just a bunch of assholes is something I couldn't choose. That people don't want anything to do with me is also something I can't really controll. That medication didn't help and therapy didn't do anything is also something that is just unlucky for me.

To keep going just isn't an option. I'm thanking everyone on here for provideing recources on how to CTB without much suffering. Without this place I just would of chose a method that has little chance of working or a method that involves traumatizing random people. Thanks to this site I can just go without making a mess and without hurting random people. Thank you for that.

If you have questions about me or something else feel free to ask. I'm going to be here for about an hour or so and I would be glad to answer anything you guys would ask me.

I am sorry life has treated you so poorly. And that your efforts to find solutions has not provided answers. I do appreciate you posting your story here, you are among like-minded souls. May you find the peace that your heart desires.

 

[anagram]

I relate to this heavily. I'm sorry life has gotten you to this point. I wish you well whether you choose to live or CTB

 

[cait_sith]

Isn't there a way to schedule loud music in advance to make sure police doesn't come too early, maybe set an alarm on phone and connect it to speakers. Maybe to the next day so you disrupt your neighbours Christmas Eve unless it's what you want. Either way I think you had great courage to go alone to music festival with social anxiety, it's something I could never make myself doing, going to live shows alone is all I manage as I can leave venue whenever but several days long festival takes a lot of courage.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find freedom from the suffering, I wish you the best.

 

[DarkerDragonSoul]

Isn't there a way to schedule loud music in advance to make sure police doesn't come too early, maybe set an alarm on phone and connect it to speakers. Maybe to the next day so you disrupt your neighbours Christmas Eve unless it's what you want. Either way I think you had great courage to go alone to music festival with social anxiety, it's something I could never make myself doing, going to live shows alone is all I manage as I can leave venue whenever but several days long festival takes a lot of courage.

Hm I haven't thought about it in that way that the music disrupts other families christmas eve. I feel a bit bad now accualy... But I can't think of another way to make the police find me quickly. The reason why I want to be found fast is becuase if I don't the police will find me as a rotting corpse and I din't want that to happen. With the music festivals I really wanted to see all bands that I love live at least once. Worked out pretty well! Saw all but one. They sadly don't visit europe, and only do live performences in the US. But I'm fine with that, I saw almost everyone live and I'm happy that I did. And thanks for praising my courage, means a lot to me.
I wish you the best!

 

[APeacefulPlace]

Wishing you a smooth and peaceful transition, we're here for you

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Good luck! I hope you find peace!

 

[DarkerDragonSoul]

Thank you all for answers! I just took the SN. Tastes horrible if you're courius. Very salty at the beginning and like vodka at the end. Still have the alcohol taste in my mouth (I despice the taste of alcohol btw). I'm going to lay down on my bed and listen music on a low volume for now. When I start feeling something like a lot higher heart rate I'm going to put it on max volume. I'm starting to get very hot right now. I hope it works.

 

[OptingOutSmiling]

Thank you for sharing, sending you love and wishing you peace for your soul. All the best.

 

[heyy]

Thank you all for answers! I just took the SN. Tastes horrible if you're courius. Very salty at the beginning and like vodka at the end. Still have the alcohol taste in my mouth (I despice the taste of alcohol btw). I'm going to lay down on my bed and listen music on a low volume for now. When I start feeling something like a lot higher heart rate I'm going to put it on max volume. I'm starting to get very hot right now. I hope it works.

May I ask how u got the SN? (I live also in europe and don't know where I can get it :/ )

hope u can find the peace u desire! <3

 

[SVEN]

Don't know if this is too late, but I hope you find the peace and rest you are/were so desperate to achieve.
Sleep gently.

 

[Forveleth]

Hope you were successful and are now at peace

 

[kenma0]

good luck. i hope everything goes/has gone smooth for you. i hope the police find you not a rotting corpse like you said lol. im glad you are at peace now

 

[TheHolySword]

I hope you find the peace you're looking for. Godspeed.

 

[diseasedPOS]

Tragic and crazy that young life is snuffed out so soon. Hope OP has the experience he/she desires. But damn that's so young - didn't even get to experience life on his/her own terms yet. Everyone should get to experience that before doing it because of conditions someone else created.

 

[Worndown]

Last post at 10:50 am, last on at 10:55 am.
The bus might have stopped.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

wishing op peace.

nothing but love.

 

[ma0]

I hope they forever rest in peace, and have found the happiness they were looking for.

 

[foreverlanguish]

Wishing you good luck!

 

[diazepam7mg]

may your soul find peace <3

 

[etchings]

Isn't there a way to schedule loud music in advance to make sure police doesn't come too early, maybe set an alarm on phone and connect it to speakers. Maybe to the next day so you disrupt your neighbours Christmas Eve unless it's what you want. Either way I think you had great courage to go alone to music festival with social anxiety, it's something I could never make myself doing, going to live shows alone is all I manage as I can leave venue whenever but several days long festival takes a lot of courage.

Yes it's a noise ordinance, but if they've CTB then maintenance needs to be done.
My sincerest apologies if this is worded offensively.

I'm going to go today. I chose SN as my method. I really hope it works. I've been a lurker on here for quite a while and made a account just a month ago and haven't posted much on here (I don't even have the search function unlocked LOL).

I've taken just taken anti emetics and I'm just waiting for an hour to pass. My plan is to take the SN and turn on loud music after I lay down in bed. I live in an apartment complex and I'm sure that the neighbors will call the police. There is no police in my city so the police has to do a 10-15 Minute drive to where I live. I'm positive that no one will safe me in time. I have written a note saying sorry to the policemen for using them and apologized ti the neighbors for the loud music I'm going to play.

To tell a bit about myself:
I'm M/21 and I'm suffering from depression, schizoid personality disorder and social phobia since I'm 13 y/o. I tried to get medical help. I tried all kinds of medication, it didn't work and just made things worse, I tried therapy for around five years and it basicly did nothing. I tried rehab clinics and other psychatric hospitals but all of them made it worse in one way or another. I tried other rehab programs from the state, I tried working and all of that did not help me in the end.

My family wasn't supportive from the start. My parents did not belive, that all these things that I got diagnosed with are making me "antisocial and lazy". They told me that I'm the problem and that I'm just victimizig myself with the help of my diagnosises I got. I left high school becuase I couldn't do it any longer and they told me that they are going to trow me out when I'm 18 and they did. Since then I've never seen my parents in person again. We just had some text exchanges since then. My half sister doesn't even respond to the massages I've sent her.

I tried to connect with people in real life, all of them neglected me and treated me like I wasn't there. My last attempt to socialise was this year during november when I tried going to a festival with music I enjoy and tried to socialise and make friends there with people that also enjoy the music that I listen to. But it didn't work. I had nice chats and all but not a single person wanted to spend the time at the festival with me.

So yeah, I tried, I really did but some things are just not ment to be. That my family is just a bunch of assholes is something I couldn't choose. That people don't want anything to do with me is also something I can't really controll. That medication didn't help and therapy didn't do anything is also something that is just unlucky for me.

To keep going just isn't an option. I'm thanking everyone on here for provideing recources on how to CTB without much suffering. Without this place I just would of chose a method that has little chance of working or a method that involves traumatizing random people. Thanks to this site I can just go without making a mess and without hurting random people. Thank you for that.

If you have questions about me or something else feel free to ask. I'm going to be here for about an hour or so and I would be glad to answer anything you guys would ask me.

I so sincerely hope that if the bus has stopped for you that you've had a smooth ride to where you're going. I cried for you today OP I'm sorry that life didn't treat you the best. I wish eternal peace and a calm slumber on your soul.

 

[sximii]

Good luck. It's honestly terrible that this is what many of us have to do to get rid of our pain. I hope you find peace and relief <3

 

[Tig]

Godspeed,
Peace be with you on the journey

 

[Regen]

I think you are gone. I wish you deep peace and endless love. I understand your reasons very well, but it's sad you had no other chance.

 

[J&L383]

I thought of you all day.