I will CtB if I can't move out of my parents' house by 30

[RosebyAnyName]

I'm sick of being stuck with my unsupportive, controlling parents who only love me to the extent that I might give them grandchildren (I will never force a new child to live in this miserable world).

I realized that maybe I might actually feel in control of my life and able to move on from my trauma if I can be independent and move away. I can enjoy the nerdy things I enjoy without having to hide them or be ashamed about them around my parents. I won't have to hide who I really am in the comfort of my own home. I won't have to pretend I'm interested in boys or having children and a family.

I'm working very hard at my job and in my life to try and afford to move out. If I can't move out by the time I'm 30 years old, then there's no point in me living any more. I hate the thought of being stuck with my parents for any longer than 30 years, by that point I don't want to have to grind the capitalism machine any longer. I already semi-hate my job (who doesn't?) and having to do it any longer without even being able to afford to move out and enjoy my adult freedom will be the last straw.

I won't live with roommates or a spouse, because I'd still rather live with the devil I know (my parents) than the devil I don't know, and I refuse to rent. At that point, ctb is the better choice for me. Maybe I'm just being "fussy" but I really can't imagine a superior alternative to CtB aside from owning my own house alone, without being forced to rely on anyone who could inevitably just abuse me like everyone else that I was forced to rely on.

I'm in my mid 20s now, I hope it doesn't have to come to this, and I've been suicidal for a long time without having acted on it, but I'm at the point where I'm ready to throw in the towel.

 

[dolemitedrums]

This sounds like such a correctable problem if it is the deal breaker for continuing to live.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

Why can't you rent a house by yourself? Most have to rent, because they can't afford to buy. Killing yourself because you don't want to rent is just silly really - look at it logically. Capatilism will always be here, unfortunately. It's the way of the world.

Would it not be better to rent a room (way cheaper), and then save up to buy? You can keep yourself to yourself - there is absolutely no need to engage with flat/house mates if you don't feel the need to. You can go about your day without having to worry about those things, and that would take the pressure off yourself, too.

It appears (from what you have written), you have put immense pressure on yourself. Perhaps you haven't realised, but by doing this, you are forcing yourself to end your life when it isn't necessary, there is a solution to your problem.

Sometimes in life we have to lower our expectations. I understand where this has come from as my mum is a control freak, and kicked me out at a young age, so I am fully independant now, and you can be too, but you don't NEED to buy. Your parents have put so much pressure on you, which is why your expectations of yourself are so high.

I also wanted to add that although you won't see it yet, but your teens and 20s and definitely the hardest. I put so much pressure on myself - to have done certain things in my life by 30, and if I didn't, my life was over. No. That is what your parents and SOCIETY tell you. It is BOLLOCKS.

I am now 35 and realise things change, but you have to reduce the pressure on yourself, and it takes time to adjust to that. Do things that are important to you, the little things are so important and we often forget that when we try to run before we can walk. It took me until around a year ago to realise the amount of pressure I put on myself, and now I have reduced it, I feel a lot better.

You also have to see that nothing has to be perfect. It is about improvement, not perfection (also what control freak parents do not teach you, quite the opposite). As you get older, you realise what was important to you now, won't be in a few years. Trust me. Mindsets change as you grow as a person

Give yourself a break, be kind to yourself. You DESERVE it. You deserve to have a good life!! Fuck your parents. When you move out, so many things will change, and yeah it will be hard at first, but you will adjust, and things will improve for you.

Remember this is about YOU. YOU are important. YOU are valid. YOU deserve happiness

I wish you all the best :-)

 

[todiefor]

I'm glad you are working hard and striving for your goals that's admirable. I hope u don't ctb though if you don't achieve your goals exactly as u set it out to be. Feelings change outlooks change environments change people change, etc. do be kind to yourself. I understand your reluctance to rent, as it is giving away some stability and control away, but it has its pros too. I wish you well.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

I thought I almost accidentally posted in recovery given these responses. Did we all forget this is the suicide part of the forum?

Also, it's impossible to save while renting because rent is extreme where I live. I think some of you might come from areas of the world where the housing market isn't cannibalizing itself. Plus, renting has no pros over owning, saying otherwise is just a cope. Don't lie to yourselves. I've seen what the renters in my family have had to go through in my country.

I would definitely rather just ctb than "lower my expectations" because this is still the last straw. I didn't feel like mentioning everything else in my life, but there are many other reasons I want to CtB and not being able to escape it all is going to be the final nail in the coffin, no matter how small you might think it is when mentioned on its own without all the context behind it.

I have my own reasons for wanting this, and the exact time frame is deliberate because of projected policy changes for real estate ownership in my country. I'm not changing my mind.