I will catch the bus after my Birthday

[FireFox]

I will turn 24 in a couple of months and i have achieved nothing with my life.

When i was younger there was so much i wanted to do with my life . I wanted to live in a different city, travel, life an exciting life with meaning and have a boyfriend who really loved me

I will turn 24 in may and will nothing to show for it
- Still a virgin and never had a boyfriend . Adult virginity is something that is made fun of. I have had relatives asking me why i am not married or no fiance.
-A law degree but not a lawyer. Qualifying in the UK is more complex and the system changing in the UK.
-living in the same neighbourhood since i was born.
- i am immature for my age. I failed to be a real adult that has it all together.
-Never had a job except volunteering. Employers are not interested at all. I am welfare because i failed to find a job after graduating

Knowing everything i know now i would have ended my life at 19.

My life is nothing but a disappointment. I don't want to see the next 10 years.

I plan to end my life after my 24th birthday or if that fails i still plan to die before i reach 30. I dont want life anymore. I want out.

I am not young any more. Life is simply not for me. I dont know who i am anymore.
All i know is am i not pretty enough, smart enough or even cool.

The lockdown and the pandemic means my life is now officially over. There is no future and nothing to look forward to.

I know people have lost thier lives to covid19 but the people who died are lucky ones .They are the lucky ones because they are free from this world and all that is wrong with it.

Being alive is not blessing. We who are living are the unlucky ones .

My family say " People need to be grateful they are alive " towards those who complain about the lockdown. My mum was finding it funny when my stepdad said his mother is depressed because she cant go out due to lockdown. My family thought this was joke.

My family have no idea i am depressed. I mentioned it in the past but they didn't want to listen. So i pretend to be happy. I lie so well. They actually believe I am happy
I am not grateful i am alive. There i said it. I dont deserve to be alive anyway.

We live in a world in which people must be successful or done something big before they reach 30.

Seeing people my age get married, move city, get elected in to public office, being a famous YouTuber or some kind of blogger or famous celebrity .
Lists like forbes under 30 doesn't help either

Being a virgin and never having a boyfriend i feel abnormal. Losing your virginity is something you are meant to lose in your teens. In the UK the average age to lose it is 18. The consent age is 16.

When i was a teenager I once read a story of a woman who killed herself after being single and seeeing all her friends getting married .

I found it weird at the time.
Looking back know i realise that woman in the story was my future.

More and more i realise i don't belong here and i will never find my place.

I cant ever see my life changing i feel so trapped.

All i know is i don't want to exist anymore.
Sorry for the typos i have thiw awful headache and cant think properly.
Happy New year

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Sorry for what you are going through. I agree, it's too much pressure to be successful by 30. Some of us never will be. Not everyone wins. It's just impossible.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I'm so sorry you feel there's no other way..you seem to me a loving person, this world should have more people who care. You will be missed here!

 

[Ghost2211]

I'm sorry life has been so hard on you. I wish being a loving caring person was enough in this world, and it really is unfair how much pressure society puts on people to meet it's expectations. I'm happy for the time you've been here with us, and you will be missed.

 

[MindFrog]

The mental toll it takes to succeed is wellknown, but people think of it as a right of passage rather than a problem to be fixed. Do people really have to suffer just to fit the "mold"? The lack of empathy makes you hopeless.

Everyone has been caught by this expectation to be the model citizen, when honestly it's not possible for all of us to be one. I don't like it when I can relate with people's post like this, cause it breaks my heart and it's just so unfair.

I'm sorry you had to feel this pain and not have the support you need. I can't really do much but say We're here for you and I hope you'll feel better.

 

[Miss_Takes]

Happy New Year to you too.
I just want you to know that personally I think obtaining a law degree is a significant achievement and you are to be congratulated. The fact you havent found a job isnt the important bit given job markets and economies and pandemics and well, just the way the world is.
I am sorry that you feel so hopeless for the future but it rather surprises me how any young person copes with the enormous and unrealistic demands of life in these times and I despair at what is so prized as 'success'.
You are (all of you) good enough just the way you are and I am sorry you feel such an enormous pressure of life.

 

[Tired_Tired]

Any reason is not so important. Make sure you just do it once. Alone sometimes is not so bad. At least you don't have toxic relationship.

 

[rs929]

Aww come on, you're still a child with 24, why expect to be an adult who has it all together? You do have the right to end it, if not arguing, but you're not convincing me that all hope is lost for you, on the contrary, you're just beginning.
ps: i lost my virginity at 24