I have been lurking on this site for a couple months now. I'm only 24 years old. I have had depression for as long as I can remember. I don't know why. My parents had their issues but I was never abused. I've had the same circle of friends from when I was in Jr. High. I had a beautiful girlfriend for 2 1/2 years. I worked as a nurse in a nursing home for a year and it was a well paying job. I was going back to college this year to go for a masters to become an Occupational Therapist or a Physical Therapist. I've always wanted to help people. I've always cared for people.
My job started to destroy me. My depression became worse and I became a hermit. My girlfriend then left me. I pushed her away and freaked her out when she left. I started failing all my classes on my first semester this year. My anxiety and depression made me a monster. I started isolating myself from my loving friends and family.
This will destroy my mom. She is loving and caring. She's an amazing woman. But I'm so defeated. I've always felt pressured and I feel like a failure.
I've chosen to hang myself in a park bathroom tonight. I will be sure to send a message to someone so they can call for an ambulance but won't reveal my location. This should give me enough time to pass. I wanted to use SN, but I'm afraid it won't work and I couldn't get my hands on antiemetics. Full suspension with my dog's roped leash and a pillowcase over my head should be good enough.
I've written all my notes.
Honestly, I'm scared. My one fear is the dark. I've always been so afraid of it. The loneliness and uncertainty of what is there. And now I'll be passing away in it. I wish my parents and friends could be there for me, but of course that's not possible. . I promise to post sometime next week if I survive.
My job started to destroy me. My depression became worse and I became a hermit. My girlfriend then left me. I pushed her away and freaked her out when she left. I started failing all my classes on my first semester this year. My anxiety and depression made me a monster. I started isolating myself from my loving friends and family.
This will destroy my mom. She is loving and caring. She's an amazing woman. But I'm so defeated. I've always felt pressured and I feel like a failure.
I've chosen to hang myself in a park bathroom tonight. I will be sure to send a message to someone so they can call for an ambulance but won't reveal my location. This should give me enough time to pass. I wanted to use SN, but I'm afraid it won't work and I couldn't get my hands on antiemetics. Full suspension with my dog's roped leash and a pillowcase over my head should be good enough.
I've written all my notes.
Honestly, I'm scared. My one fear is the dark. I've always been so afraid of it. The loneliness and uncertainty of what is there. And now I'll be passing away in it. I wish my parents and friends could be there for me, but of course that's not possible. . I promise to post sometime next week if I survive.
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