And buy them from where? I've done shrooms before twice and just felt weird and my stomach hurt. Two different dealers but that was when I was younger.
If you're in the US at least, you can buy growing kits on the internet, and spore injectors from suppliers in "most" states. Midwest supply is the place to get the grow kits. Last time I was there they had a list of suppliers for all types of mushrooms, including magic.
I feel you, I'm the same, but it's not that you're irrelevant. We live in a disconnected society. What you need is a solid connection, you just weren't as lucky as most "priviledged" people as I call them who've always had that. Now I don't know myself where to find such a connection, I feel like it may take some excruciating persistence with all the odds against me, but if you're attractive you should find it more easily than me at least. It would help if you could try to not be self conscious or anxious about other people's judgment, I'm not saying magically but if you can try to block that from your mind and decide not to worry about that even for a few minutes. I'm extraordinarily self conscious and ashamed because of my trauma but sometimes I manage to just tell myself "I'm not going to think that way, I'm going to appreciate being outside and see everyone as a potential friend, a complex being with their weaknesses and preoccupations who would be just as grateful for a smile and someone reaching out to them as I would (I've noticed it's true for most people). Maybe you can find an environment where you feel more comfortable too.
Unfortunately this is so true.
I can't stand it
Self consciousness makes me fixate on how I walk, which is uncomfortable. I'm attractive but not like a model. I get polarizing reactions when walking into a room, which fucks with my head. Some people will be really nice and accommodating while others seem to really dislike me.
Have you tried listening to music while you walk outside ? As for inside places the only thing that's helped me was focusing on how I like a place, how decorated it is, the music they play if any, how interesting the people look etc, being curious in a nutshell, and convincing myself that I look ok and friendly while I take my time taking everything in.
Indoors I do fine because I usually am there for a reason. Going to the park is pretty random. Nobody needs to go there.
Going for a walk is a valid reason I would say. I've heard many people here tell me that they approached people in parks and that it worked for them. It's still very intimidating to me though. Same. But going out to bars, associations, a gym, festivals or conferences is your best shot, that and dating sites.
I think my tense body language (ptsd) and stoic face repels people even if they find me attractive. I loosen up if they are receptive
I guess I have the same problem. If you get used to a place you appreciate and you know at least some friendly people (say, a barman) it can help you loosen up. Listening to upbeat / encouraging music on your way can also help you feel more confident. Also again focusing on how interesting someone looks rather than how you might get rejected if you can.
If you worked you might discover how much you don't fit in with normal people, though.
Being on disability has made me irrelevant. I don't really go anywhere because I can't afford to. And I don't know many people. The govt should've offered euthanasia as an alternative.
I had a job in my 20s where it was just guys. I didn't mesh with them because they all smoked and cared about trivial shit like the latest popular thing. The hiring manager laughed when I told him I read.
