Venting I was supposed to die today

[AJ95]

I have my SN, I have my meto, I have my antacids. I have literally everything I need to kill myself.

I had my hotel room booked for today to die in but had to cancel it, my parents are watching me like a pair of hawks.

Ever since someone contacted my family through instagram they have literally barely let me out of their sight, there's no way I could get away from them to ctb in a hotel without setting off alarm bells everywhere.

This is so fucked, I can't even die right.

I know it's my fault for disclosing personal info carelessly but it's so frustrating to literally have my SN within arm's reach and not be able to use it.

 

[I screwed up]

Oh my God ... Must be very frustrating ... Hope they don't find ur SN and take it away .. Hope u find a way soon

 

[AJ95]

Oh my God ... Must be very frustrating ... Hope they don't find ur SN and take it away .. Hope u find a way soon

It's really frustrating. I don't think they're going to find my SN though.

I think they suspect that I have it but they don't know for sure or they probably would have called the police to try and have me hospitalized.

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

I'm sorry that things didn't work out for you. You have to postpone it for a while and pretend that you have no such intentions. It must be really hard on you.

 

[AJ95]

I'm sorry that things didn't work out for you. You have to postpone it for a while and pretend that you have no such intentions. It must be really hard on you.

The thing that I'm worried about is that from here it's a run of birthdays in my family up to the end of the year, including mine.

I really didn't want to die near someone's birthday, and I really, really didn't want to turn 25.

Hope I'm able to reschedule :/

 

[Bigpink]

Hope you're able to free yourself from life. Your plans are a lot further along than mine.
Hey it's your life to live or end as you choose, in a more enlightened world your family would back off.

 

[Futile]

Sorry if I ask, but if you already have everything can't you ctb while your parents sleep? Or does it take too much time?

 

[LonelyNick]

I wanted to CBT today but my magic salt has been stuck at customs for a long time

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

I wanted to CBT today but my magic salt has been stuck at customs for a long time

It took a long time to get through customs for @sadworld as well.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I feel similar. Seems like no time is convenient my parents constantly want to know where I am.

 

[Meditation guide]

Ever since someone contacted my family through instagram they have literally barely let me out of their sight, there's no way I could get away from them to ctb in a hotel without setting off alarm bells everywhere.

Are you an adult? Can't you go on a vacation by yourself, as an adult? Do they have you locked in?

 

[AJ95]

Are you an adult? Can't you go on a vacation by yourself, as an adult? Do they have you locked in?

Yes I'm an adult, no they don't have me locked in but I haven't left the house in weeks except to go see my therapists, and they know I'm suicidal, and the police were at my house just over a week ago.

If I suddenly said "oh I'm going out for the night" they'd be extremely suspicious

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

Yes I'm an adult, no they don't have me locked in but I haven't left the house in weeks except to go see my therapists, and they know I'm suicidal, and the police were at my house just over a week ago.

If I suddenly said "oh I'm going out for the night" they'd be extremely suspicious

You could try that actually. Just go around the city and see what happens.

 

[itachi of death]

I've had that happened to me on a couple of attempts,constantly being watch because someone opened their mouth

 

[AJ95]

Sorry if I ask, but if you already have everything can't you ctb while your parents sleep? Or does it take too much time?

I don't want them to have to find my body :( hence the hotel. I could ctb tonight but I don't want that to be the thing I leave them with.

You could try that actually. Just go around the city and see what happens.

I guess so! Maybe I'll try pushing out a bit this week.

Hope you didn't lose the hotel money. X

Nope :) they have a really generous cancellation policy

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

I guess so! Maybe I'll try pushing out a bit this week.

Good luck!

I don't want them to have to find my body :( hence the hotel. I could ctb tonight but I don't want that to be the thing I leave them with.

You are really nice, I'm just going to lock the door and leave a note on it.

 

[AJ95]

You are really nice, I'm just going to lock the door and leave a note on it.

Fair enough, hopefully they just call the police without looking inside

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

Fair enough, hopefully they just call the police without looking inside

I might as well push my wardrobe in front of the door for extra security. I could do it in a way that firefighters would have to be called to get in lol

 

[AJ95]

I might as well push my wardrobe in front of the door for extra security. I could do it in a way that firefighters would have to be called to get in lol

True that's a good idea

 

[Deleted member 23009]

Damn, seems like they are watching you a lot. I don't know what happened but please be careful with personal info, not only you but anyone else here.

But yeah it might be hard to go out randomly. Maybe try to go out more little by little to have them watch you less or a really good excuse if you feel you need to. Probably horrible advice lmao i just wanted to say something and be here for you. I hope you work things out

 

[Despondent]

Could you maybe set it for another date and leading up to it, go out and to do small things for an hour?

Go for a walk, go to the store and get some snacks, go to the park. If you get into the routine of doing this and when it comes to the said date, it won't be as suspicious to them.

Sending hugs

 

[Lordsudbury]

Fake it til u make it, put on a happy face, get "better" and wait til their guard is down. Could be a long time away but that's ur exit plan

 

[Lilacmoon]

It's hell. They have no idea how much pain they're causing you. How they're making it about them and not you.

Stay strong. An opportunity should show up. They can't keep their guards up forever.

I love you -snuggles-

 

[TJuk]

Do you have a dog that you can walk, will give you space for them to start trusting u? Or any friends that u could say your meeting with... Do stuff like that to build trust and hopefully they back off. My parents have been like it in past it's hard, thankfully I now live alone

 

[Painless_end]

I really, really didn't want to turn 25.

I didn't want to cross 30 either. Here I am nearing 32 in a few months.

Good luck to you in whatever choice you make

 

[AJ95]

I didn't want to cross 30 either. Here I am nearing 32 in a few months.

Good luck to you in whatever choice you make

You too

 

[Metalhead]

I wanted to CBT today but my magic salt has been stuck at customs for a long time

Stuck in UK customs, or ?

 

[wantstodie]

I have my SN, I have my meto, I have my antacids. I have literally everything I need to kill myself.

I had my hotel room booked for today to die in but had to cancel it, my parents are watching me like a pair of hawks.

Ever since someone contacted my family through instagram they have literally barely let me out of their sight, there's no way I could get away from them to ctb in a hotel without setting off alarm bells everywhere.

This is so fucked, I can't even die right.

I know it's my fault for disclosing personal info carelessly but it's so frustrating to literally have my SN within arm's reach and not be able to use it.

Do you live in the US? If so Where do you get the Meto?

 

[AJ95]

Do you live in the US? If so Where do you get the Meto?

I'm in Australia, I made a thread about how to get meto here: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...o-prescription-in-literally-10-minutes.49493/