I don't know where to put this...
Last Sunday I was struggling immensely with my mental health. The voices wouldn't let up and were telling me to kill myself as they always do, but when my mood is low, which it has been for a number of weeks, I find it near impossible to ignore them. They beat me down.
So last Sunday night I went and sat in my local park on my own. I was restless and agitated and needed to be outdoors. I know it wasn't the best of ideas to sit in a park in the dark on my own, but I wasn't thinking straight. After being in the park for a while, I was approached by 3 men who I didn't know. We started talking, although I was mainly talking to the voices. They asked me if I wanted to go back to their flat, which they said was local. I foolishly agreed. I would never normally talk to strangers never mind agree to go back to their home with them, but again I wasn't thinking straight.
We got back to their flat and they handed me a large glass of vodka. I don't drink alcohol but I took it anyway. I wouldn't drink it at first but one of the men held it to my mouth and told me to drink. A fee minutes later the glass was empty and I was given another one.The same thing happened. I told them I was wanting to leave. One of the men said they weren't ready for me to leave yet. I went in my bag for my phone and it wasn't there. I realised that a man had hold of it. I asked for my phone back but was told that it needed charging. Once it was charged they would give me my phone back. I felt sick at this point and even more agitated, which made the voices worse. They were laughing at me. Two of the men sat next to me on the sofa, one putting his hands on my breasts over my t-shirt. I tried to stand up but was pulled back down.
I was pulled on the floor and these three men took it in turns raping me. After it was over I was lifted back up and seated back on the sofa, while the men spoke to each other in their language. After a long time I was given my phone back but it was dead. I was taken to the door of the flat by one of the men, who gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me I was a good fuck. I walked home early hours of the morning.
I disclosed this to the mental health team on Tuesday but told them that it was consensual. I admitted the truth yesterday after self harming badly requiring 43 stitches. I self harmed again on Saturday on my breasts, which require stitches but I haven't been to the hospital to have treatment. The mental health team asked me to report the assault to the police. I have an appointment this afternoon with the psych doc and mental health worker. I haven't even got the energy to attend this appointment. My SN finally arrived last Friday (yay) I'm just waiting on the antiemetic (domperidone) to arrive from eBay then I can finally leave.
Last Sunday I was struggling immensely with my mental health. The voices wouldn't let up and were telling me to kill myself as they always do, but when my mood is low, which it has been for a number of weeks, I find it near impossible to ignore them. They beat me down.
So last Sunday night I went and sat in my local park on my own. I was restless and agitated and needed to be outdoors. I know it wasn't the best of ideas to sit in a park in the dark on my own, but I wasn't thinking straight. After being in the park for a while, I was approached by 3 men who I didn't know. We started talking, although I was mainly talking to the voices. They asked me if I wanted to go back to their flat, which they said was local. I foolishly agreed. I would never normally talk to strangers never mind agree to go back to their home with them, but again I wasn't thinking straight.
We got back to their flat and they handed me a large glass of vodka. I don't drink alcohol but I took it anyway. I wouldn't drink it at first but one of the men held it to my mouth and told me to drink. A fee minutes later the glass was empty and I was given another one.The same thing happened. I told them I was wanting to leave. One of the men said they weren't ready for me to leave yet. I went in my bag for my phone and it wasn't there. I realised that a man had hold of it. I asked for my phone back but was told that it needed charging. Once it was charged they would give me my phone back. I felt sick at this point and even more agitated, which made the voices worse. They were laughing at me. Two of the men sat next to me on the sofa, one putting his hands on my breasts over my t-shirt. I tried to stand up but was pulled back down.
I was pulled on the floor and these three men took it in turns raping me. After it was over I was lifted back up and seated back on the sofa, while the men spoke to each other in their language. After a long time I was given my phone back but it was dead. I was taken to the door of the flat by one of the men, who gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me I was a good fuck. I walked home early hours of the morning.
I disclosed this to the mental health team on Tuesday but told them that it was consensual. I admitted the truth yesterday after self harming badly requiring 43 stitches. I self harmed again on Saturday on my breasts, which require stitches but I haven't been to the hospital to have treatment. The mental health team asked me to report the assault to the police. I have an appointment this afternoon with the psych doc and mental health worker. I haven't even got the energy to attend this appointment. My SN finally arrived last Friday (yay) I'm just waiting on the antiemetic (domperidone) to arrive from eBay then I can finally leave.
