I was raped...

[suicidenow]

It's been over 3 years since I was raped as a virgin, and to this day I still suffer the consequences of his cruel actions. I hate my life and I want to die. He gave me infections, and robbed me off the purity of my own body. I want him dead. I'll never comprehend why someone would think it's fine to decieve and take advantage of someone that's disabled. I'll never get over it. It happened to me and it destroyed me to the core...
I genuinely wish I was dead.
I have sodium nitrite with me and I want to take it. God, I know my family love me, but I'm just suffering. I really want to die. The salt bottle is under my lap as I type this. I wish I had people around me that supported my passing. I wish I knew what happened after we die. I just don't want to wake up everyday to keep crying and getting flashbacks of how he not only ruined my body, but my life as well. I dropped out of uni, protested butt ass naked and assualted a police officer because they didn't give me any justice, but now I'm a criminal because IT'S MY FAULT innit...
My brain keeps repeating that it wants to die...
I just need to feel brave and heartless enough to do so.

 

[ventingfrustrations]

I'm sorry this happened to you and I wish you peace in whatever you do I hope the pain goes away for my childhood trauma and past animal abuse but I also wake up and feel awful about myself

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry you experienced this. It truly is horrific what some people do to others.

 

[mysticatedwine]

Fuck the rapists. I wish them a long, lonely and painful life

 

[Peace2peace]

Pls go for therapy it might help

 

[hopeless-believer]

I'm so incredibly sorry this happened to you.
It's should never have and it is in NO way your fault now or ever.
I'm sorry you haven't received any justice, and that, I'm sure, has made everything so much worse.
The flashbacks must be terrible for you, and my heart goes out to you, truly.

I took am struggling from the effects of CSA and the shame, guilt, hopelessness and flashbacks that come with it. I haven't openly spoken about it yet on the forum.

Take care, breathe buddy.
Here if you need anything

 

[LonelyMe]

I'm really sad to hear what has happened to you. Just know that you're not alone. Many of us have gotten treated badly. I've been shoved, left out, left alone, ignored and laughed at in school when I was younger, for example. Please know that suicide is not always the answer and that traumatic experiences like yours can be dealt with. Please consider seeing a psychologist or therapist since they are really good at helping people in situations like the one you're in. I'm here if you need someone to talk to

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's so horrible.

 

[Dante_]

Can't add anything else except what everyone else said..my heart dropped as soon as I read this, I'm so, so incredibly for what that person did to you

 

[opheliaoveragain]

echoing what others have said. you never deserved such an awful thing.

im a R survivor too. it was never your fault and recovery is in no way linear. try to give yourself grace where you can, these things can alter how the brain works due to trauma, that isn't your fault either. we're here for you. feel free to reach out to me ANYTIME.

you are NOT alone op.

 

[Asiam]

OMG. This is awfulll.... So awful. I kinda was too. Invited the guy to my place tho so i feel responsible because it was from a hookup site. But im shy and only slept with one oerson at age 27. I thought we'd just talk and getnto know eachother (i was having a manic suicidal oanic attack breakdown when I decided to do this). He walked uo to me and yanked my body to do things kike shoving it in his a hole.. I kept saying "wait, wait, wait can't we just talk first?" and hed back away and immediately come right back three times. I was blackout drunk because I was nervous before he came. He was sober. Pretty sure I have herpes...

Im so unimaginably angry for you. This is not right. Seriously I could mess that guy up who hurt you. I hate... Ugh! The powerlessness you feel about every interaction after this, and the anger ans chaos when you accept what happened and want justice. They should not have kicked you from uni!!!!!!

If you ever need to talk im here. How you feel is totally reasonable. You are the good oerson and victim in this. Shame on him and shame on your uni!

 

[searchingforpeace]

i'm so sorry my heart breaks for you but it's definitely not your fault