bl00deater
The Bloodeater Hungers
- Oct 7, 2024
- 17
This is a vent about my childhood abusers, i'm kind of stuck, thinking about the childhood adverse experience thread because I started having flashbacks. OBVIOUS csa & plain out childhood abuse
The first time I was sexually abused, I was two months old maybe younger my mom doesn't remember how old I was, but she remembers taking me to the hospital.
I don't remember much of my childhood and I don't remember when my long term sexual abuse started. It was done by my neighbor. He still lives by me to this day and he actively goes out of his way to torment me. The police had gotten involved so he hasn't touched me in years. But I do remember him threatening to take my life if I told imagine being a five year-old child and being told that your life was gonna end if you told that you were being hurt every single day. It was a lie. I didn't die but I sure felt like I did.
he told me that he would kill me and he lied to me. I mentioned on another thread that I have been trying to take my life since I was five years old. I have never wanted to be here and the only reason I don't wanna be here now despite not going through much besides my mother, being my mother and my brother dying recently he CBTed. It's the fact that I feel constantly dirty. I can't even count on my hands. How many times and how many different people have done the exact same thing my abusers have done to be over and over again. It doesn't help that schizophrenic usually wait until it happens the second time, to accept it does happen to me. Because when it happens, I don't really feel present at all. There was another time I had my life threatened by my father. He said that he would kill me if I didn't put his phone back. I nearly pissed myself when he said that I was 11 years old trying to call his mother because he was beating my mom and he almost did, my mom got in between us sometimes I feel mad at her for doing that because me being alive just creates more trauma for myself
I can't sit here and say that I would be on this forum if it didn't happen though I like the people on here you all are very nice. I feel like death has been a threat. It's always been a threat. It's never been a genuine promise. I've been telling my friends about my plans to CBT They can't really interfere. I don't have many in person friends and I always tell them after I attempt to CBT instead of when I'm doing it I told my younger brother he made a joke about how I had to watch the fucking stupid podcast I'm not doing that because I don't personally like breaking my own promises to myself, I've done that a lot my whole entire life. A lot of other people have as well so CBT would be the greatest promise I have ever made to myself especially going through with it as scary it is.
The first time I was sexually abused, I was two months old maybe younger my mom doesn't remember how old I was, but she remembers taking me to the hospital.
I don't remember much of my childhood and I don't remember when my long term sexual abuse started. It was done by my neighbor. He still lives by me to this day and he actively goes out of his way to torment me. The police had gotten involved so he hasn't touched me in years. But I do remember him threatening to take my life if I told imagine being a five year-old child and being told that your life was gonna end if you told that you were being hurt every single day. It was a lie. I didn't die but I sure felt like I did.
he told me that he would kill me and he lied to me. I mentioned on another thread that I have been trying to take my life since I was five years old. I have never wanted to be here and the only reason I don't wanna be here now despite not going through much besides my mother, being my mother and my brother dying recently he CBTed. It's the fact that I feel constantly dirty. I can't even count on my hands. How many times and how many different people have done the exact same thing my abusers have done to be over and over again. It doesn't help that schizophrenic usually wait until it happens the second time, to accept it does happen to me. Because when it happens, I don't really feel present at all. There was another time I had my life threatened by my father. He said that he would kill me if I didn't put his phone back. I nearly pissed myself when he said that I was 11 years old trying to call his mother because he was beating my mom and he almost did, my mom got in between us sometimes I feel mad at her for doing that because me being alive just creates more trauma for myself
I can't sit here and say that I would be on this forum if it didn't happen though I like the people on here you all are very nice. I feel like death has been a threat. It's always been a threat. It's never been a genuine promise. I've been telling my friends about my plans to CBT They can't really interfere. I don't have many in person friends and I always tell them after I attempt to CBT instead of when I'm doing it I told my younger brother he made a joke about how I had to watch the fucking stupid podcast I'm not doing that because I don't personally like breaking my own promises to myself, I've done that a lot my whole entire life. A lot of other people have as well so CBT would be the greatest promise I have ever made to myself especially going through with it as scary it is.
