Story I was called selfish by my father on my first attempt

[sourcreamonion]

I took probably over 20 tylenol pills, hoping I never would wake up that night, only to find myself hunching over the toilet at two in the morning throwing up every possible thing. My dad came running out and at first he's worried, telling me to drink water because I have suffered from a lot of heat strokes before, he just thought I somehow had one while I was sleeping? I remember being 14-years-old at the time and telling him I tried to OD, and that I wanted to go to the hospital because there was a huge risk of liver damage.

My dad looked at me and said, "are you kidding me?" He then proceeded to call me selfish and that he will not take me to the hospital, then mocked me for doing something childish because I was just "sad". He said this all while I was still throwing up my guts in the toilet.

Imagine how odd I felt to see him go back to bed like nothing happened, and when I soon stopped vomiting, I tucked myself back in bed, and woke up the next morning to go to school.

 

[vi777]

First of all: you are free to do whatever you want with your life, no matter what anyone says.

I am really sorry for you for going through this back then.

People to whom I have carefully mentioned that I'm suicidal also told me that it's a very (if not the most) selfish thing to do.... I'm sure often they say it with good intentions, because they do not want me to do it.

Either way, I'm not sure if it's selfish or not, but does it matter? It's your/my life! If the best the world can make of our potential final act is calling it selfish, that's their problem. If someone who you love commits ctb, you should try to understand him/her instead of judging and making up your own theories about it in my view.

Peace and love to you.

 

[Raminiki]

That was a callous way to treat you and I'm sorry that you received zero compassion when you needed it most. Hostility may be a defensive measure to avoid responsibility or emotional involvement in someone else's pain, but he's your father and he failed to act as a father should when his child is suffering. I am sorry for you. Please be careful with what you take to OD and try to avoid uneccesary pain. Hugs.

I've been threatened with being disowned by a family member if I try and fail to CTB. The emotional blackmail has made me fearful of trying and failing, because the consequences would be a reduction in my quality of life, which is poor enough as it is. I would be further ostracised and rejected by family, and having been treated that way has greatly hurt me and contributed to my suffering already.

I will only act if I can be almost entirely sure of success, to save myself having to deal with the consequences of choosing to die and leave everyone behind, only to be forced to continue living in some capacity.

 

[Bct]

Sorry you must experienced horrible treatments from your father. He should be the selfish one since he didn't try to understand your suffering and how it must be really hard for you.

 

[FluffyDove]

Welcome to the Shit Dads Club. Mine offered to drive me to Beachy Head himself when I told him i was suicidal. I think people who don't understand this feeling don't know how to cope with people who do, so they react spitefully.

Why even have a child if you cant manage to be a decent human being??

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

Welcome to the Shit Dads Club. Mine offered to drive me to Beachy Head himself when I told him i was suicidal.

Why even have a child if you cant manage to be a decent human being??

Damn. Im sorry about your dad. All of your dads..

My dad stared at me blank and angry for days. Then he changed himself for better and tried his best to fix everything that made me suicidal. Never did he forget but he also never spoke of it either. He made weekly family trips as well, and tried controling mums and his alcoholism to avoid unnecessary stress and fights. He just wanted me to recover and get strong. Then he died. Then everything went to hell.. My husband died.. And here we are again.

 

[Checkmate64]

I'm sorry this happened to you I completely understand that feeling. My Dad didn't speak to me for 2 months after my first attempt. He did take me to the hospital though but he didn't say anything and he literally drove me there and then left.

 

[sourcreamonion]

Welcome to the Shit Dads Club. Mine offered to drive me to Beachy Head himself when I told him i was suicidal. I think people who don't understand this feeling don't know how to cope with people who do, so they react spitefully.

Why even have a child if you cant manage to be a decent human being??

I'm so sorry you had to go through with that, it's exhausting when the people that raised you don't even take you seriously. Much love.

 

[coldeyes]

I took probably over 20 tylenol pills, hoping I never would wake up that night, only to find myself hunching over the toilet at two in the morning throwing up every possible thing. My dad came running out and at first he's worried, telling me to drink water because I have suffered from a lot of heat strokes before, he just thought I somehow had one while I was sleeping? I remember being 14-years-old at the time and telling him I tried to OD, and that I wanted to go to the hospital because there was a huge risk of liver damage.

My dad looked at me and said, "are you kidding me?" He then proceeded to call me selfish and that he will not take me to the hospital, then mocked me for doing something childish because I was just "sad". He said this all while I was still throwing up my guts in the toilet.

Imagine how odd I felt to see him go back to bed like nothing happened, and when I soon stopped vomiting, I tucked myself back in bed, and woke up the next morning to go to school.

What's your dad's profession/job?

 

[sourcreamonion]

What's your dad's profession/job?

Technician, I believe.

 

[coldeyes]

Technician, I believe.

Maybe he thinks you should man up. I don't know how to put this through to you, but that maybe the way he sees reality. Although, he should show you how to be a man. Anyway, I feel for you young guys. The world as it is is tough for mature male. Must be very confusing for a young male. Take heart, read old books. You'll do fine. Do not be afraid of being you. You may not like this, but listen to him and do what he tells you for 3 months and see.

 

[TakeYourHappyPills]

I took probably over 20 tylenol pills, hoping I never would wake up that night, only to find myself hunching over the toilet at two in the morning throwing up every possible thing. My dad came running out and at first he's worried, telling me to drink water because I have suffered from a lot of heat strokes before, he just thought I somehow had one while I was sleeping? I remember being 14-years-old at the time and telling him I tried to OD, and that I wanted to go to the hospital because there was a huge risk of liver damage.

My dad looked at me and said, "are you kidding me?" He then proceeded to call me selfish and that he will not take me to the hospital, then mocked me for doing something childish because I was just "sad". He said this all while I was still throwing up my guts in the toilet.

Imagine how odd I felt to see him go back to bed like nothing happened, and when I soon stopped vomiting, I tucked myself back in bed, and woke up the next morning to go to school.

Wow I'm sorry you had to go through that :( I really hate it when people don't take attempts seriously. Sorry to say this but your dad sounds like an asshole who shouldn't be having children if they don't know how to empathize with them. Anyways hope your dad understand you better now (:

 

[Dead beat dad]

I took probably over 20 tylenol pills, hoping I never would wake up that night, only to find myself hunching over the toilet at two in the morning throwing up every possible thing. My dad came running out and at first he's worried, telling me to drink water because I have suffered from a lot of heat strokes before, he just thought I somehow had one while I was sleeping? I remember being 14-years-old at the time and telling him I tried to OD, and that I wanted to go to the hospital because there was a huge risk of liver damage.

My dad looked at me and said, "are you kidding me?" He then proceeded to call me selfish and that he will not take me to the hospital, then mocked me for doing something childish because I was just "sad". He said this all while I was still throwing up my guts in the toilet.

Imagine how odd I felt to see him go back to bed like nothing happened, and when I soon stopped vomiting, I tucked myself back in bed, and woke up the next morning to go to school.

Hey brother. I know this feeling well and something very similar happened to me.
Although my parents took me to hospital, they were very much treating it like it was something I was doing to piss them off somehow.
In hindsight it kind of was selfish, doing it in the house where they lived, in a place where and time where arguably they'd find me (they did) and leaving a fairly toxic mess to clean up.
Still there was no understanding after the event and a deep chill settled over the topic only to be defrosted when they wanted to have a dig at me for something.
Your relationship with your father sounds painful and this experience can have only contributed to that pain and if the support and love you needed after wasn't forthcoming then I'm so sorry if this is the way of things.
There is love and understanding for you here brother. I feel this pain too and I hope by sharing we make some steps on the path to peace.
Love and respect my brother

DBD

 

[sourcreamonion]

Wow I'm sorry you had to go through that :( I really hate it when people don't take attempts seriously. Sorry to say this but your dad sounds like an asshole who shouldn't be having children if they don't know how to empathize with them. Anyways hope your dad understand you better now (:

I agree. Regarding attempts as little "phases" or so doesn't do well to deter anyone to do it again. My dad is a strange case, on some days he is my dad, other days it feels like I'm talking to a stranger. Ane he still thinks anything related to mental illness is stupid so :) I've gotten used to it by now.

Hey brother. I know this feeling well and something very similar happened to me.
Although my parents took me to hospital, they were very much treating it like it was something I was doing to piss them off somehow.
In hindsight it kind of was selfish, doing it in the house where they lived, in a place where and time where arguably they'd find me (they did) and leaving a fairly toxic mess to clean up.
Still there was no understanding after the event and a deep chill settled over the topic only to be defrosted when they wanted to have a dig at me for something.
Your relationship with your father sounds painful and this experience can have only contributed to that pain and if the support and love you needed after wasn't forthcoming then I'm so sorry if this is the way of things.
There is love and understanding for you here brother. I feel this pain too and I hope by sharing we make some steps on the path to peace.
Love and respect my brother

DBD

I'm very sorry you had to go through that, I'm happy they were able to get you to the hospital. I do agree, times were a lot more limited at my young age so tylenol was a quick fix in my house, I had other younger family members and would probably be traumatized when they find me dead the next day. I hope everything goes well with you, the best wishes.

 

[KUA]

My dad tells me that if I CTB I will destroy my family, cause my parents to get divorced and emotionally harm my 15 year old brother. All whilst shouting at me for the smallest of things and for 21 years destroying my mental health. My mum and brother actually care. My dad had a very bad relationship with his father. I agree that some people aren't meant to be parents and unfortunately my dad is one. If I didn't have my mum and brother, I would have absolutely ZERO hesitation in CTB

Welcome to the Shit Dads Club. Mine offered to drive me to Beachy Head himself when I told him i was suicidal. I think people who don't understand this feeling don't know how to cope with people who do, so they react spitefully.

Why even have a child if you cant manage to be a decent human being??

Welcome to the Shit Dads Club. Mine offered to drive me to Beachy Head himself when I told him i was suicidal. I think people who don't understand this feeling don't know how to cope with people who do, so they react spitefully.

Why even have a child if you cant manage to be a decent human being??

BH is my preferred method of CTB. So if my dad did that I wouldn't mind. It would make me feel less guilty. But yes, that's awful

 

[TakeYourHappyPills]

You sound extremely entitled. Here is a good youngman seeking answers and all you do is abuse his dad? As if you don't understand being a teen is hard enough? Teens best advised to learn they can't live on endless approval and validation. I'd still advise the young man to obey his dad for 6 months

I obviously can't speak on OP's behalf but I don't think they're looking for approval or validation, I'm sure they're just looking to be understood by their dad. I say if their dad isn't giving an effort to understand them, then they shouldn't try back, but that's just my opinion of course.

 

[coldeyes]

I obviously can't speak on OP's behalf but I don't think they're looking for approval or validation, I'm sure they're just looking to be understood by their dad. I say if their dad isn't giving an effort to understand them, then they shouldn't try back, but that's just my opinion of course.

Maybe they should understand the dad? He's been around some. He's not likely to wish bad for his kids. Reality is teens don't understand stuff as they think they do. I wanted to kill my parents at 16. I don't blame myself now. I was a teen.

 

[TakeYourHappyPills]

Maybe they should understand the dad? He's been around some. He's not likely to wish bad for his kids. Reality is teens don't understand stuff as they think they do. I wanted to kill my parents at 16. I don't blame myself now. I was a teen.

Of course I also believe the OP should try and understand the father as well. But I believe at a time like that, the father should be the one reaching out first. The OP mentioned that they tried asking their dad for help but the dad just brushed it off. Doesn't sound like he wants to help to me.

 

[FluffyDove]

You quoted my post where my dad offered to drive me to a cliff to jump off, and you agree with him?? Like, for real??

 

[pole]

hey, sorry to hear about what ur going through.

im sorry that ur just another person who has loved ones that victimize and place blame on ur cries for help, rather than recognizing and wanting to understand ur cries for help. feeling trapped and alone and never understood, feeling as if ur the problem is torment and im sorry ur in that environment.

i do hope talking to others on the site helps in providing u with a virtual environment that understands and recognizes ur pain and what ur going through.

as for others posting responses, including @coldeyes , be mindful of what ur posting in response to such threads that are clearly depicting OP being sensitive and in a fragile state. if u what you say is tough and harsh criticism and fails to truly get to OP in an empathetic way, think twice about posting it, as it'll just end up inciting arguments and derailing threads and creating tensions in whats suppose to be a safe-space for OP.

if you disagree and have something to say about their situation, and it doesnt positively further the discussion of this thread, choose to ignore posting it. understand that this is OPs safe-space, the threads asking for empathy and someone to understand for once, not for being criticized as if that isnt what they've been subject to all their life.

hope venting continues to help in anyway for u and wish u feel better.

take care.

 

[Samsa]

Remember: Despite all the help family members or whoever may supply. In the end, everyone of us is alone with their own problems - especially when it comes to health problems, both mentally or physically. A legal example: If a doctor treats you, it happens only because you are consenting into being treated by that doctor. Only because of your consensus the treatment isn't a bodily harm, which by the law it would actually be - at least in my country and it's respective legal system. If you think about it, it makes absolute sense, because you are the owner of your body and soul. Protected goods by I think every single constitution in the world - except some countries we all know. Nobody else can solve another person's problems. And because of this undeniable fact, it is also everyone's sole decision how to deal or not to deal with certain problems or crises. There's nothing, NOTHING egoistic in your decision and action. On the contrary: Your decision and action is the core of your self awareness and self determination. Everybody calling a suicidal person egoistic is in my eyes manipulative and in some way shows signs of a dependant personality disorder.