bad luck
Memento mori
- Mar 2, 2021
- 772
I have given myself that month. In 1 week I will have, if they pay me correctly, enough to be able to buy N. I hope it will not take more than 2 weeks to receive it, if something fails and it does not arrive, I will only have some money for a hotel, money "for the inconvenience" in one of my notes and I'll have to go to SN. The bad thing is that I don't have antiemetics. I subsequently read the experiences of a user (Lenze...) who died with SN and without antiemetics. It seems that in less than 1 hour he was on the other side. I would have liked to know him more, like many others who have already left.
There is a thread from another missing member who left a thread that relieves me: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/proof-vomiting-has-not-been-reported-on-the-forum-as-a-cause -of-sn-failure.47986/
Perhaps he could be one of the lucky ones where the SN took effect even if he vomited and that's it.
I honestly can't take it anymore. I have lost my status, my marriage, most of my money and all thanks to the Depression and negligent treatment by psychiatrists and doctors who only made me addicted to benzos (I was not an alcoholic yet).
Alcoholism only made things worse but with so many benzos I already took very high risks for my life (maybe I'm bipolar, I don't know...) Alcohol was just another method added to the benzos in order to continue working. It deteriorated me a lot cognitively and emotionally. It made me be shit.
I always had suicidal thoughts after the doctors said that they served to protect me (I avoided bridges, busy roads, etc.) Agoraphobia, but I knew that if I drank I could do that, cross the bridge and look down, and not feel anguish but the idea of, oh, could fall now.
Anyway, such a heavy post. Thanks for reading me.
Summary:
a) If when I ask for N it does not arrive or is very late, I will go to plan B.
b) SN without AE.
If I fail, I have more SNs, but I would already be under surveillance. If they take it from me or find where I have it, I would have to go to c)
c) Alcohol+benzos in a lake until I pass out and drown or finally fall off a 30 meter bridge.
Estos son todos los recursos que tengo, pero será en abril, eso seguro.
-----Edit: 19:33 CET
I paste this interesting thread about SN:
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...nd-experiences-information-google-docs.29900/
There is a thread from another missing member who left a thread that relieves me: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/proof-vomiting-has-not-been-reported-on-the-forum-as-a-cause -of-sn-failure.47986/
Perhaps he could be one of the lucky ones where the SN took effect even if he vomited and that's it.
I honestly can't take it anymore. I have lost my status, my marriage, most of my money and all thanks to the Depression and negligent treatment by psychiatrists and doctors who only made me addicted to benzos (I was not an alcoholic yet).
Alcoholism only made things worse but with so many benzos I already took very high risks for my life (maybe I'm bipolar, I don't know...) Alcohol was just another method added to the benzos in order to continue working. It deteriorated me a lot cognitively and emotionally. It made me be shit.
I always had suicidal thoughts after the doctors said that they served to protect me (I avoided bridges, busy roads, etc.) Agoraphobia, but I knew that if I drank I could do that, cross the bridge and look down, and not feel anguish but the idea of, oh, could fall now.
Anyway, such a heavy post. Thanks for reading me.
Summary:
a) If when I ask for N it does not arrive or is very late, I will go to plan B.
b) SN without AE.
If I fail, I have more SNs, but I would already be under surveillance. If they take it from me or find where I have it, I would have to go to c)
c) Alcohol+benzos in a lake until I pass out and drown or finally fall off a 30 meter bridge.
Estos son todos los recursos que tengo, pero será en abril, eso seguro.
-----Edit: 19:33 CET
I paste this interesting thread about SN:
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...nd-experiences-information-google-docs.29900/
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...nd-experiences-information-google-docs.29900/
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