I have no energy, I feel & look terrible. I have no appetite with only oatmeal, cup of noodles, beef patties, and chocolate to eat. barely no money. I can barely move, because I'm paralyzed by depression & anxiety, but I've tried to commit myself to writing my story before I leave. It's like I can't tell it without it turning into a damn book! But it makes me furiously sick to think about not exposing those who helped turn my life into hell, and all I was dealing with. I don't want my mother & sisters, ignorant haters, and evil people from the past to win so easily, they've won so much. I don't want to die looking like I was just some cursed person who went crazy, and committed suicide because she was demon possessed. I want the real devils exposed!
I need to CTB ASAP, and I committed myself to it by the end of the month, but I'm struggling & suffering. Plus my CTB will be risky & brutal, but I have no choice & for me its worth it, all 7 people who have done it have succeeded (don't ask me about the method). I'm becoming desperate though & fear is creeping in that I won't go thru with it. I got so desperate & scared yesterday that I DM'ed a Youtuber to see if she can help me with getting housing since she said she helps women's charities, and my living situation has me stuck in my bedroom, bed ridden in this filthy house where I'm not wanted. She probably won't reply I don't even know if she can help. Clearly death is the solution for me, I'm in a terrible condition, everything about me is terrible, nobody wants nothing to do with me. The #1 solution at this point is that I finish my writing/recording my story, or abandon my story so that I can definitely CTB at the end of the month, because if I don't I will end up in the hospital which only makes me worse!
I need to CTB ASAP, and I committed myself to it by the end of the month, but I'm struggling & suffering. Plus my CTB will be risky & brutal, but I have no choice & for me its worth it, all 7 people who have done it have succeeded (don't ask me about the method). I'm becoming desperate though & fear is creeping in that I won't go thru with it. I got so desperate & scared yesterday that I DM'ed a Youtuber to see if she can help me with getting housing since she said she helps women's charities, and my living situation has me stuck in my bedroom, bed ridden in this filthy house where I'm not wanted. She probably won't reply I don't even know if she can help. Clearly death is the solution for me, I'm in a terrible condition, everything about me is terrible, nobody wants nothing to do with me. The #1 solution at this point is that I finish my writing/recording my story, or abandon my story so that I can definitely CTB at the end of the month, because if I don't I will end up in the hospital which only makes me worse!
