I want to live, yet I can´t take the pain anymore

[takeyourshotfunboy]

I scare myself. I´ve made half-hearted attempts before but lately I´ve been feeling like I am actually, really on the verge of doing it. Thing is, I don´t really want to. I don´t want to die. But I´m in unbearable pain. I just know deep down that nothing is ever going to get better for me and that I will always feel like this no matter what situation I am in. I don´t want to do it, but I HAVE to do it. I´m killing myself to live.

Anyone else feel the same way?

 

[SoupSnakes]

Completely understandable. However, if you feel you don't really want to die, it's worth listening. Plenty of us on here to talk/vent/rant to if needed, plenty of advice/help on recovery and so many options out there to try if you truly don't feel hopeless enough to want to CTB. X

 

[PDAnnie2610]

I scare myself. I´ve made half-hearted attempts before but lately I´ve been feeling like I am actually, really on the verge of doing it. Thing is, I don´t really want to. I don´t want to die. But I´m in unbearable pain. I just know deep down that nothing is ever going to get better for me and that I will always feel like this no matter what situation I am in. I don´t want to do it, but I HAVE to do it. I´m killing myself to live.

Anyone else feel the same way?

A burden shared is a burden halved. Do share and we will listen.

 

[Wreck-it-Riley]

100%. I dont want to die, i have so much to look forward too. My daughter growing up and finally calling me mom. My relationship with a great man. But i dont want to live it for me, when i have so much suffering in my life.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

Well, I don't want to die too but this is not the life I pictured. I was going to be better, but instead everything got much worse than before.
I lost my future that I had never experienced but I am grieving every day for what could be.
Now I am stuck in the past and I can't live my life. I feel like rotting away slowly.
I didn't eat all day because I can't go outside. This is not life.

 

[takeyourshotfunboy]

Well, I don't want to die too but this is not the life I pictured. I was going to be better, but instead everything got much worse than before.
I lost my future that I had never experienced but I am grieving every day for what could be.
Now I am stuck in the past and I can't live my life. I feel like rotting away slowly.
I didn't eat all day because I can't go outside. This is not life.

I know exactly what you mean, it´s like I´m alive but it´s not ¨a life worth living.¨

 

[CrushedHopes]

What kind of pain are you experiencing that makes you feel this way? And why would you want to keep on living? What for? Just curious.

 

[noctiva]

I know exactly what you mean, it´s like I´m alive but it´s not ¨a life worth living.¨

Yes, I have survived for 31 years. Then I experienced being alive for 2. And now I'm supposed to go back to survival. I cannot imagine going back to that place of hardship, where everything is heavy, and difficult, grey and lonely. It's not really worth to transition backwards, to make that adjustment. It took me 31 years to find what it's like to be alive, I cannot invest another 31 to try and chase that once more. I have no energy left for that.