Venting I want to live but...

[totheendofinfinity]

I just can't. Not like this. My life is so messed up. It's so difficult making the decision that I need to ctb when truly I want to live, just not like this. It's just sad that I have no hope of living a normal happy life (doesn't seem like that much to ask for but here we are...) and have to ctb to end all this pain, erase my past mistakes and embarrassments. I guess I am grieving the life I could've had. Does this make sense?

 

[lizzywizzy09]

It does. I feel the same. And you know how you feel so nobody can tell you you're wrong.

 

[judal97]

it does make sense,i dont like to blame anyone but miself for my mistakes but, i feel like having parents and people (like teachers for example) to guide and raise you are so important for someone to have a good life,so when that doesnt happened you just end up in a loop of mistakes and like stagnation,making life miserable and depresing

 

[rokonie]

Yeah i definitely know what you are saying. People have a lot of reasons to die but a lot of folks really do want to live,, just not the life they are leading right now. That said, it's much easier said than done to just change things around for the better. Mental illness and life circumstances get in the way.

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

I feel the same

t's so difficult making the decision that I need to ctb when truly I want to live

I'm so confused by this sentence— if you "need to" ctb, how is it a decision?

I'm truly asking— as I have many similar feelings that I try to understand

 

[Onelegman]

Of course it makes sense. And I feel the same way, although I do blame people for having ended up like this, besides myself. I am 36 years old and I have not been able to adapt to a society like the one we have, if the day comes when I have to survive on my own I am lost. I cannot allow myself to reach that moment, my last attempt failed and perhaps I trust too much in the SN for this time to be the final one.

 

[totheendofinfinity]

I feel the same

I'm so confused by this sentence— if you "need to" ctb, how is it a decision?

I'm truly asking— as I have many similar feelings that I try to understand

Yeah you're right the wording was a bit weird I guess I say need rather than want because it just feels like a strong need to me lately. And personally I think nobody truly wants to die - it goes against human nature - but just wants to end the pain. At least that's how it is for me - ties back to what I'm talking about in this thread, wanting to live but not like this. Maybe it truly isn't a decision, it really feels like my hand has been forced with the way things have gone for me.