I want to join my mother and father in the other realm

[hopelessgirl]

I'm 29. Turning 30 next week. My mother passed last night, and my father passed when I was 3 months old. I haven't been suicidal for a while, but now it's back with the grief. I so much want to join them, and it's become a new reason for me to go. I don't have a job and don't think I'll ever feel useful in society. I have almost no friends because everybody is too busy living their lives and because of my social anxiety I don't dare contact anyone. I used to be suicidal because of the low quality of life of my mother, attached to a bed for 9 years. Now the hole she left makes me want to join her, and my SN will reach it's two year on a shelf by the end of 2023. My mother used to always say she refused suicide because she wanted to join my father in heaven.... I'm just so scared and a bit angry that I can't just join their realm with a clear conscience.

Thank you for the vent guys.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm so sorry for your loss. The fact that your grief has reignited some dormant suicidal thoughts is very understandable. And I can relate to your general position in life around this age so I can understand feeling like you have hot a dead end. Still intense grief can really shake our view on life so it might better if you wait to see how things settle before making the decision to CTB. I know it's probably even harder for you because it doesn't sound like you have much in the way of social support.

 

[Lavander 230]

I'm 29. Turning 30 next week. My mother passed last night, and my father passed when I was 3 months old. I haven't been suicidal for a while, but now it's back with the grief. I so much want to join them, and it's become a new reason for me to go. I don't have a job and don't think I'll ever feel useful in society. I have almost no friends because everybody is too busy living their lives and because of my social anxiety I don't dare contact anyone. I used to be suicidal because of the low quality of life of my mother, attached to a bed for 9 years. Now the hole she left makes me want to join her, and my SN will reach it's two year on a shelf by the end of 2023. My mother used to always say she refused suicide because she wanted to join my father in heaven.... I'm just so scared and a bit angry that I can't just join their realm with a clear conscience.

Thank you for the vent guys.

No disrespect, but, do you believe that your mother will be proud of you being in heaven, doing all these chores and everything?

 

[theboy]

Oh, so sad
Hugs!
I hope you will be in paradise with your family

 

[sevenkarmas]

I'm 29. Turning 30 next week. My mother passed last night, and my father passed when I was 3 months old. I haven't been suicidal for a while, but now it's back with the grief. I so much want to join them, and it's become a new reason for me to go. I don't have a job and don't think I'll ever feel useful in society. I have almost no friends because everybody is too busy living their lives and because of my social anxiety I don't dare contact anyone. I used to be suicidal because of the low quality of life of my mother, attached to a bed for 9 years. Now the hole she left makes me want to join her, and my SN will reach it's two year on a shelf by the end of 2023. My mother used to always say she refused suicide because she wanted to join my father in heaven.... I'm just so scared and a bit angry that I can't just join their realm with a clear conscience.

Thank you for the vent guys.

The death of a parent is devastating. My dad passed 12 years ago and I still have moments. Sending love your way.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be painful and hard to deal with, what you have to go through, and it's understandable wishing to be free from this existence. But anyway, best wishes.