Your pain is understood here. Do be careful though, as drunken attempts often fail and lead to one being quarantined in a mental hospital.
It's way too easy to accidentally hurt yourself, not in the way you planned to hurt yourself.
I once tried to ctb by mixing various psychiatric medications with sedative qualities with a generous amount of alcohol. All my blacked out drunk bitch ass had to do was get in the bathtub and pass out. Instead I dropped the glass I was drinking from, lacerated my arm, bled all over the bathroom, and was later found incoherent with blood all over me. 0/10 do not recommend.