I want to get better...

[I'm exhausted]

But I just don't know what to do. I saw another post about finding a teammate to help each other out. This is my first post so not sure how this will work out but if we can help each other maybe there's still hope?

 

[Righttodie]

Hi. Did you mean you are looking for support in life to help cope with things ?

 

[I'm exhausted]

I don't know what to do. My medical disability that can get better with a specific therapy is really expensive, because of my health I was dumped and lost my job, I don't have a family and I'm now homeless. People tell me to not die and seek professional help but I have been for 5+years. I've been hospitalized multiple times, took several meds, many different therapies... The doctors mocked me, ridiculed me, threatened me, and made me cry. The insurance won't do anything, my advocates can't do anything. And I started thinking how is living with this suffering a humane thing to do? They say suicide is selfish and would hurt others but they're not helping me. And it's okay that I get to live with pain as long as I don't cause them pain?
And I'm still scared to die because there's a part of me that wants to live and rescue animals. The very reason why I'm scared of everything now is stopping me from actually killing myself. I'm scared of the what ifs.
I was never like this. I was the opposite actually. People say you were able to do things before and compare my misery to others who are worse if this minimizing my pain and the severity of my health.

 

[pleasethistime]

Most people here cant even help themselves.

 

[Righttodie]

I don't know what to do. My medical disability that can get better with a specific therapy is really expensive, because of my health I was dumped and lost my job, I don't have a family and I'm now homeless. People tell me to not die and seek professional help but I have been for 5+years. I've been hospitalized multiple times, took several meds, many different therapies... The doctors mocked me, ridiculed me, threatened me, and made me cry. The insurance won't do anything, my advocates can't do anything. And I started thinking how is living with this suffering a humane thing to do? They say suicide is selfish and would hurt others but they're not helping me. And it's okay that I get to live with pain as long as I don't cause them pain?
And I'm still scared to die because there's a part of me that wants to live and rescue animals. The very reason why I'm scared of everything now is stopping me from actually killing myself. I'm scared of the what ifs.
I was never like this. I was the opposite actually. People say you were able to do things before and compare my misery to others who are worse if this minimizing my pain and the severity of my health.

Suicide isn't selfish. It's the thing we seek when we have been ill and without any help.
You never can control how your mind works and what it feels, nor the pain that was inflicted upon you and how it affected.
So you didn't choose to be how you are now, it's just life, law of the jungle.
No one can chose how hurt they feel if they get hit by a truck, right ?
It's natural to feel hurt. Nothing under our control.
Similarly our mind is part of the body too and gets hurt and ill. When it becomes too much to cope with, it naturally will look for a way out. So it's not something a person can choose or has control over.
So I don't see how it is selfish when you never had any control over something you are suffering from.



Pain can be relative. So if you feel what you are going through is terrible, even though the general view may be different, it doesn't make it less painful for you.
I am sorry People compare your pain to invalidate your feelings.
just know that your suffering is true and real.

I am limited to only be here to listen to you. I can offer you my time to listen to you.

I am sure the community will be happy to do all they can to help a fellow member get better.
Can you let us know what you have in mind as to something in particular we all could do ?

 

[I'm exhausted]

Suicide isn't selfish. It's the thing we seek when we have been ill and without any help.
You never can control how your mind works and what it feels, nor the pain that was inflicted upon you and how it affected.
So you didn't choose to be how you are now, it's just life, law of the jungle.
No one can chose how hurt they feel if they get hit by a truck, right ?
It's natural to feel hurt. Nothing under our control.
Similarly our mind is part of the body too and gets hurt and ill. When it becomes too much to cope with, it naturally will look for a way out. So it's not something a person can choose or has control over.
So I don't see how it is selfish when you never had any control over something you are suffering from.



Pain can be relative. So if you feel what you are going through is terrible, even though the general view may be different, it doesn't make it less painful for you.
I am sorry People compare your pain to invalidate your feelings.
just know that your suffering is true and real.

I am limited to only be here to listen to you. I can offer you my time to listen to you.

I am sure the community will be happy to do all they can to help a fellow member get better.
Can you let us know what you have in mind as to something in particular we all could do ?

Thank you so much for your kind words. It really is hard especially when mental illnesses are stigmatized and my specific conditions are semi glorified and misunderstood by the pop culture.

I'm suffering from severe OCD, MDD, GAD, PTSD, BPD and panic disorder. I also suffer from insomnia, an ulcer in my eye, tmj, depersonalization, memory loss due to possible anxiety, pain in my feet, etc. I was told by many specialists and psychologists that I need residential level care. But again for to insurance and location it's impossible.

I've been thinking a lot about hanging myself, jumping out of a window or the bridge, smoke enough weed to drown myself, nitrogen gas etc.

I'm happy when I get to help others even if it is as simple as pointing them to someone or something helpful, I'm happy when I see animal videos but you see the downfall are no one appreciates me helping out guiding them. I helped one man I met at a respite center who was homeless get his own place through one of my advocates. He didn't thank me let alone tell me he found a place. I don't do it to be thanked but it would've been nice. And as an animal advocate I see and read all these horrible stories of abuse. Then to hear about other stories and I just lose hope in humanity. It's like 80% are bad people.

I'm just so tired. I had lots of dreams and goals and now I'm a hermit. I was never scared to take risks, I was a go getter, a challenge seeker. If anything I was scared of missed opportunities. Now I'm scared I'm just wasting my time.
I was just talking to a friend about how I feel but he seemed more interested about how I was smoking weed and was more excited to talk about that. And that he wants some and how he hasn't had any in a while. I mean that's fine but I'm on the verge of life and death. I even looked up assisted suicide. Though he did say he'd kill himself and get revenge on me if I die.

I honestly don't know anything anymore. If anyone has any suggestions? I thought about scamming a scammer but that would be just talking money they took from innocent people so I can get the treatment. I thought about taking out a medical loan but surprise, well not really, I can't because I have no job. The GoFundMe, is a joke. Is there anyone who has OCD and PTSD? How do/did you deal with them?

I'm deathly scared of losing things, forgetting things, making mistakes and dropping things. Especially since my sentimental items, my designs, my phone with my personal stuff like photos and ideas and thoughts were stolen. I feel violated. Then I had two crazy ex roommates where the police had to get involved and suggested I file a report. Experienced near death assault and then hearing people say it's not true or men getting away with only a slap on the hand. I'm so exhausted.
I'm looking for a light whether it's here or in the other world.

 

[Righttodie]

Thank you so much for your kind words. It really is hard especially when mental illnesses are stigmatized and my specific conditions are semi glorified and misunderstood by the pop culture.

I'm suffering from severe OCD, MDD, GAD, PTSD, BPD and panic disorder. I also suffer from insomnia, an ulcer in my eye, tmj, depersonalization, memory loss due to possible anxiety, pain in my feet, etc. I was told by many specialists and psychologists that I need residential level care. But again for to insurance and location it's impossible.

I've been thinking a lot about hanging myself, jumping out of a window or the bridge, smoke enough weed to drown myself, nitrogen gas etc.

I'm happy when I get to help others even if it is as simple as pointing them to someone or something helpful, I'm happy when I see animal videos but you see the downfall are no one appreciates me helping out guiding them. I helped one man I met at a respite center who was homeless get his own place through one of my advocates. He didn't thank me let alone tell me he found a place. I don't do it to be thanked but it would've been nice. And as an animal advocate I see and read all these horrible stories of abuse. Then to hear about other stories and I just lose hope in humanity. It's like 80% are bad people.

I'm just so tired. I had lots of dreams and goals and now I'm a hermit. I was never scared to take risks, I was a go getter, a challenge seeker. If anything I was scared of missed opportunities. Now I'm scared I'm just wasting my time.
I was just talking to a friend about how I feel but he seemed more interested about how I was smoking weed and was more excited to talk about that. And that he wants some and how he hasn't had any in a while. I mean that's fine but I'm on the verge of life and death. I even looked up assisted suicide. Though he did say he'd kill himself and get revenge on me if I die.

I honestly don't know anything anymore. If anyone has any suggestions? I thought about scamming a scammer but that would be just talking money they took from innocent people so I can get the treatment. I thought about taking out a medical loan but surprise, well not really, I can't because I have no job. The GoFundMe, is a joke. Is there anyone who has OCD and PTSD? How do/did you deal with them?

I'm deathly scared of losing things, forgetting things, making mistakes and dropping things. Especially since my sentimental items, my designs, my phone with my personal stuff like photos and ideas and thoughts were stolen. I feel violated. Then I had two crazy ex roommates where the police had to get involved and suggested I file a report. Experienced near death assault and then hearing people say it's not true or men getting away with only a slap on the hand. I'm so exhausted.
I'm looking for a light whether it's here or in the other world.

You have been through so much and it's understandable why you are right on the edge. I am sorry that you had to go through those terrible experiences. It's only natural to feel violated.
You don't deserve pain.

I can understand that it's always nice and actually important to feel appreciated. It's part of Human psyche which helps us to take on philanthropic activities. When it doesn't happen, it's not nice .

I feel the time can be messed up where everything that can go wrong and makes you feel alone will go wrong. Like your friend not being interested in how awful you are doing and close to dying you are, and no one appreciating your generosity. Happens with me too, I can relate. Do good, but you don't even get thanked for it. And someone you call a friend doesn't give a shit about how you are feeling.

You are a lovely person who has helped many others. On behalf of that man and others I will thank you for being the person you are.

I have OCD. It'd my environment which causes it. But since I can't escape it, OCD sticks. Nothing much I can do to cope with it, but just self treat and lessen it's grasp slowly.
I don't have PTSD, but have supported people who have had it. It's no fun.
It requires therapy and one that's good.
Unfortunately many can't afford it, because state of mental health services is rubbish.
Before anyone asks you to get help, tell them how difficult it is and mostly impossible.
So "getting help" isn't easy, I understand that.

I could research some possible options like contacting an organisation which could fund your treatment if you want. And something similar.

Let me know what works.
We can go through options and help you get help if possible since you are willing to get better and find help

 

[I'm exhausted]

You have been through so much and it's understandable why you are right on the edge. I am sorry that you had to go through those terrible experiences. It's only natural to feel violated.
You don't deserve pain.

I can understand that it's always nice and actually important to feel appreciated. It's part of Human psyche which helps us to take on philanthropic activities. When it doesn't happen, it's not nice .

I feel the time can be messed up where everything that can go wrong and makes you feel alone will go wrong. Like your friend not being interested in how awful you are doing and close to dying you are, and no one appreciating your generosity. Happens with me too, I can relate. Do good, but you don't even get thanked for it. And someone you call a friend doesn't give a shit about how you are feeling.

You are a lovely person who has helped many others. On behalf of that man and others I will thank you for being the person you are.

I have OCD. It'd my environment which causes it. But since I can't escape it, OCD sticks. Nothing much I can do to cope with it, but just self treat and lessen it's grasp slowly.
I don't have PTSD, but have supported people who have had it. It's no fun.
It requires therapy and one that's good.
Unfortunately many can't afford it, because state of mental health services is rubbish.
Before anyone asks you to get help, tell them how difficult it is and mostly impossible.
So "getting help" isn't easy, I understand that.

I could research some possible options like contacting an organisation which could fund your treatment if you want. And something similar.

Let me know what works.
We can go through options and help you get help if possible since you are willing to get better and find help

You are a lovely person too. Thank you for listening to me and understanding me. My sister wanted/wants me locked up in an asylum. I wouldn't mind if they specialize in my symptoms but it's not therapeutic. Even the respite centers. I went there to escape a creep just to encounter one there.

It's great (well not great to have OCD) that you understand without me having to explain OCD. It's extremely misunderstood. A lot of my illnesses are. And I have to feel like I'm doing something won't and explain myself. I feel guilty when I perform my rituals.

Thank you for your help. I'm sorry you're going through OCD too. It really sucks. I've tried self help books, videos, apps like nocd and some other anxiety app. But you can only do so much and it's not a cookie cutter and then there's the fear of what if I'm doing it wrong. I was able to eliminate some compulsions but the ones that are PTSD related are harder to get rid of and in fact it came back worse.

You are a great friend to be there for your friends and even a stranger like myself. Thank you for your sympathy and patience. Have you been on any meds or therapy? I've been on ssri and other antidepressants but none really worked. Too fluoxetine and while 60mg is the therepuetic dosage even 80mg didn't work. I know ERP is the gold standard treatment but I had to go through my insurance doctors first. Some made me cry. The only in network doctor that specializes and is on IOCDF told me he can't help me that he can only see me once a week and that I need residential level. I worked with out of network doctor, he also said he can't help me anymore. When I found a place who can see me more hours, the insurance said no to paying for more sessions because they didn't see any improvements and the specialist (interns) told me I need residential level care. I just forgot something...my anxiety trigger. I've also tried mediation, weed, psychotherapy, other CBTs like DBT which I'm also interested in but I couldn't pay attention because of my OCD. I had a hard time getting there everyday because I needed someone to take me there and when I got there I couldn't pay attention because of my rumination. The insurance sent me to free other places that didn't specialize in OCD. They just found whatever intensive outpatient they can find despite telling them I need the ERP. So after seeing the interns that were supervised by the doctor, which ended in seeing them four times a week for 45 mins each session (doctor charges $300/session and o think the interns were $75/session and I had two different interns.) The insurance increased it to 15hours a week. Here's the problem. No one can give me that many hours. Even the only in network doctor said so. I tried IOCDF and psychology today. No one. I looked for PTSD doctors but they're not taking anyone. But when you have Co-existing disorders you have to treat them together. Even Mark Freeman told me so.

I researched for advocates. I'm working with two organizations and they were going to set me up with another organization that would help with my housing and treatment and other things... Since January. The organizations and none helped me. I've been looking and practically begging which I feel pathetic for doing. I have feeling like a burden. So I ended up going to several hospitals where I was ridiculed, mocked and threatened. I had several meltdowns and I even tried to kill myself by choking myself with a bedsheet. I've done it in the past though I would use a phone cord, I've drank soap and even tried to cut my neck with a knife. But usually that only gives me space to think about wanting to save animals which is my purpose in life. I want to do other things like design and have my own cat Cafe and work on this teddy bear idea I have for people who are suffering lonely and feel lonely. I've been trying to sell my designs but very passive income so I just donate to animal rescue groups like best friends. A few bucks here and there won't help me much but it can buy food and necessities for animals. And it makes me happy which is the only thing that keeps me sane and want to keep living.

With that said, here's my problem. So I was told I need residential. I've called several for years. I've tried McLeans and Rogers. I've tried Biobehavioral though they are outpatient. And Amita health. This is what happened

McLeans said I need to do outpatient and they don't take my insurance which is NY Medicaid. They also wanted me to have a stable housing. I asked if I get massmedicaid and establish residency there in Massachusetts would they consider. They said they don't take all massmedicaid but do take Medicare but overnight charges must be paid out of pocket since Medicare wouldn't cover. But it doesn't matter because I don't qualify for Medicare. Reason is because I was denied social security disability because I had to quit working my bridal consulting career to take care of my sick terminally ill father. He died about five years ago and my mother the months later. That's when I became disabled and homebound. But I didn't have enough work history to qualify for disability hence no Medicare. But anyway, they said if I get residency in Massachusetts and get the exact massmedicaid then they can reconsider. It's not guaranteed and their wait list is about 6-9 months.

Rogers take some private insurance but no Medicaid though I saw on their sure they said only for certain people. They are located all over but the residential is in Wisconsin. They said I would be able to apply for financial assistance once I've received their services. Awesome right? They said I need to pay a deposit of $29,000 Which is the equivalent of one month's stay. And again it's not guaranteed I can get covered.

Amita health is private and there's no assistance. I could however get a discount if I was a veteran or married to one.

Biobehavioral would be great since they do house visits where most 90% of my compulsions happen at home and close to me (the interns came to me before) but here's the problem with them. I mentioned to them I saw scholarship for people who can not afford in their iocdf profile and they told me I would need to be evaluated by them. The evaluation is two hours at $800 if I remember correctly. Also it's not refundable. So they can easily tell me I don't qualify for scholarship and I'm screwed. They charge $300/hour.

I just don't know what to do.

 

[I'm exhausted]

One thing about OCD that I'm happy(in a sick twisted way or maybe trying to be optimistic) is that OCD sufferers are creative people. I mean all these crazy thoughts, your brain has to be creative to think of things that others aren't normally thinking about.

 

[I'm exhausted]

I was typing a message to someone and I usually copy and paste if it's long, my OCD. I forgot to do it just now and of course it got deleted. I can't find it anywhere. See how my compulsions are justified. When I do copy everything is fine. I'm probably overreacting for some people but it's a real fear for me. I had a meltdown and a freakout when I stopped blueberries. That's how severe my anxiety is.

 

[Righttodie]

You are a lovely person too. Thank you for listening to me and understanding me. My sister wanted/wants me locked up in an asylum. I wouldn't mind if they specialize in my symptoms but it's not therapeutic. Even the respite centers. I went there to escape a creep just to encounter one there.

It's great (well not great to have OCD) that you understand without me having to explain OCD. It's extremely misunderstood. A lot of my illnesses are. And I have to feel like I'm doing something won't and explain myself. I feel guilty when I perform my rituals.

Thank you for your help. I'm sorry you're going through OCD too. It really sucks. I've tried self help books, videos, apps like nocd and some other anxiety app. But you can only do so much and it's not a cookie cutter and then there's the fear of what if I'm doing it wrong. I was able to eliminate some compulsions but the ones that are PTSD related are harder to get rid of and in fact it came back worse.

You are a great friend to be there for your friends and even a stranger like myself. Thank you for your sympathy and patience. Have you been on any meds or therapy? I've been on ssri and other antidepressants but none really worked. Too fluoxetine and while 60mg is the therepuetic dosage even 80mg didn't work. I know ERP is the gold standard treatment but I had to go through my insurance doctors first. Some made me cry. The only in network doctor that specializes and is on IOCDF told me he can't help me that he can only see me once a week and that I need residential level. I worked with out of network doctor, he also said he can't help me anymore. When I found a place who can see me more hours, the insurance said no to paying for more sessions because they didn't see any improvements and the specialist (interns) told me I need residential level care. I just forgot something...my anxiety trigger. I've also tried mediation, weed, psychotherapy, other CBTs like DBT which I'm also interested in but I couldn't pay attention because of my OCD. I had a hard time getting there everyday because I needed someone to take me there and when I got there I couldn't pay attention because of my rumination. The insurance sent me to free other places that didn't specialize in OCD. They just found whatever intensive outpatient they can find despite telling them I need the ERP. So after seeing the interns that were supervised by the doctor, which ended in seeing them four times a week for 45 mins each session (doctor charges $300/session and o think the interns were $75/session and I had two different interns.) The insurance increased it to 15hours a week. Here's the problem. No one can give me that many hours. Even the only in network doctor said so. I tried IOCDF and psychology today. No one. I looked for PTSD doctors but they're not taking anyone. But when you have Co-existing disorders you have to treat them together. Even Mark Freeman told me so.

I researched for advocates. I'm working with two organizations and they were going to set me up with another organization that would help with my housing and treatment and other things... Since January. The organizations and none helped me. I've been looking and practically begging which I feel pathetic for doing. I have feeling like a burden. So I ended up going to several hospitals where I was ridiculed, mocked and threatened. I had several meltdowns and I even tried to kill myself by choking myself with a bedsheet. I've done it in the past though I would use a phone cord, I've drank soap and even tried to cut my neck with a knife. But usually that only gives me space to think about wanting to save animals which is my purpose in life. I want to do other things like design and have my own cat Cafe and work on this teddy bear idea I have for people who are suffering lonely and feel lonely. I've been trying to sell my designs but very passive income so I just donate to animal rescue groups like best friends. A few bucks here and there won't help me much but it can buy food and necessities for animals. And it makes me happy which is the only thing that keeps me sane and want to keep living.

With that said, here's my problem. So I was told I need residential. I've called several for years. I've tried McLeans and Rogers. I've tried Biobehavioral though they are outpatient. And Amita health. This is what happened

McLeans said I need to do outpatient and they don't take my insurance which is NY Medicaid. They also wanted me to have a stable housing. I asked if I get massmedicaid and establish residency there in Massachusetts would they consider. They said they don't take all massmedicaid but do take Medicare but overnight charges must be paid out of pocket since Medicare wouldn't cover. But it doesn't matter because I don't qualify for Medicare. Reason is because I was denied social security disability because I had to quit working my bridal consulting career to take care of my sick terminally ill father. He died about five years ago and my mother the months later. That's when I became disabled and homebound. But I didn't have enough work history to qualify for disability hence no Medicare. But anyway, they said if I get residency in Massachusetts and get the exact massmedicaid then they can reconsider. It's not guaranteed and their wait list is about 6-9 months.

Rogers take some private insurance but no Medicaid though I saw on their sure they said only for certain people. They are located all over but the residential is in Wisconsin. They said I would be able to apply for financial assistance once I've received their services. Awesome right? They said I need to pay a deposit of $29,000 Which is the equivalent of one month's stay. And again it's not guaranteed I can get covered.

Amita health is private and there's no assistance. I could however get a discount if I was a veteran or married to one.

Biobehavioral would be great since they do house visits where most 90% of my compulsions happen at home and close to me (the interns came to me before) but here's the problem with them. I mentioned to them I saw scholarship for people who can not afford in their iocdf profile and they told me I would need to be evaluated by them. The evaluation is two hours at $800 if I remember correctly. Also it's not refundable. So they can easily tell me I don't qualify for scholarship and I'm screwed. They charge $300/hour.

I just don't know what to do.

I am sorry nothing seems to have worked. You did try your best.

Mental health services are fucked.
It may not surprise you but veterans aren't even given a checkup to see if they qualify for brain damage or trauma because VA(Veterans Administration) knows that everyone would qualify, requiring them to pay everyone for disability.
So they avoid it all together and leave them with no support, even if they did quality for it.
Meanwhile Suicide is among the leading causes of death worldwide. Every 40 seconds someone dies, and for every person that dies, there are 20 that commit it.

I wish the organisations had done more, rather than ignore you.
I seem to be out of ideas as well.

And I understand and know that whatever you are going through is real.
There will always be someone who will find it trivial.
Just because they find it so, doesn't make it so.

 

[I'm exhausted]

I can't hold onto life much longer. I'm hopeless. I need help either getting the treatment or help dying.

 

[Righttodie]

I can't hold onto life much longer. I'm hopeless. I need help either getting the treatment or help dying.

I am sorry. I wish I could do more.

 

[dandan]

I'm sorry, I read you and I wish I could do something, however I got my hands tied in every way here. I'm fighting everyday to keep me alive you know, im 37yo now, 15 years after ECT, making a strong last attempt while I have N in my fridge in case everything turns out sour.
I love you want to help / rescue animals, love that... I wanted to promote a pyramid scheme where all the money on top goes to rescue animals, using Bitcoin, I built it..... prueba3.com I promoted it 1 day on facebook and responses were not as expected, I have other idea now.. different one... im chasing it

im making an attempt at life, not using any medication, but a steroid, Dianabol and exercising
three weeks ago I had my new business idea , that is helping me in every way, plus my tasks at the job changed, so my job is better today

I have pushed for it, and get something, I need to keep pushing so things happen, other than that I dunno man,
I want to get better too,,,, I stronly believe I should write a book one day, if i have an answer, because self-help doesnt help me enough
I believe there's "Something else..." ,

where something else is about that 1 second , and everything that we see, and happens in our minds one second before we talk, or before we have any idea in our head, in that 1 second so much things we see in our mind, if things could change there, if more possibilites were acknowledge, maybe we could do things different.... better....

wish you the best, may that be whatever it may be

 

[I'm exhausted]

I am sorry. I wish I could do more.

Thank you but I'm not your responsibility. This world is just really ducked up. I have having to beg and be desperate. I'm done being a burden on people.

 

[Empty Smile]

 

[I'm exhausted]

I'm sorry, I read you and I wish I could do something, however I got my hands tied in every way here. I'm fighting everyday to keep me alive you know, im 37yo now, 15 years after ECT, making a strong last attempt while I have N in my fridge in case everything turns out sour.
I love you want to help / rescue animals, love that... I wanted to promote a pyramid scheme where all the money on top goes to rescue animals, using Bitcoin, I built it..... prueba3.com I promoted it 1 day on facebook and responses were not as expected, I have other idea now.. different one... im chasing it

im making an attempt at life, not using any medication, but a steroid, Dianabol and exercising
three weeks ago I had my new business idea , that is helping me in every way, plus my tasks at the job changed, so my job is better today

I have pushed for it, and get something, I need to keep pushing so things happen, other than that I dunno man,
I want to get better too,,,, I stronly believe I should write a book one day, if i have an answer, because self-help doesnt help me enough
I believe there's "Something else..." ,

where something else is about that 1 second , and everything that we see, and happens in our minds one second before we talk, or before we have any idea in our head, in that 1 second so much things we see in our mind, if things could change there, if more possibilites were acknowledge, maybe we could do things different.... better....

wish you the best, may that be whatever it may be

Thank you for your wishes.

I love your idea for the pyramid scheme. I looked at your website but I was a bit confused. Are you selling something? What would people be paying for? I wish more companies operated this way.

Your N is my choking/putting knife on my neck. It gives me space and the security that there is always an option to opt out of life. An escape and gives me hope to try harder at life. Death is permanent and it makes me think a bit more rationally without all the stuff the OCD and anxiety throws at me. Though I am afraid of dying because I'm scared to be cremated if i was still alive. Like what if they said I was dead and by some miracle I was able to come back... But while I'm in the oven being cremated?

 

[dandan]

I love your idea for the pyramid scheme. I looked at your website but I was a bit confused. Are you selling something? What would people be paying for? I wish more companies operated this way.

Though I am afraid of dying because I'm scared to be cremated if i was still alive...

actually that previous attempt of a pyramid scheme people paid would receive nothing,,, all money would've been to sterilize stray dogs, so that they cant breed no more stray dogs.... I love that idea but people didnt responded so great... I might still attempt it in the near future, but I have better idea now at the moment,, with more probability...

im afraid of dying, i really dont want to die before making an attempt to build something great... true to that...