Venting i want to erase my existence

[angel444]

existence is torture, living and being alive is torture. i wish i could erase myself completely. ctb isnt enough, i wish i never existed at all. life right now is increasingly getting worse, and more meaningless. i cant focus on anything, i dont have any goals. i always feel empty and numb, the only times i feel emotion is when i have intense mental breakdowns where it really does feel like my world is actually ending, and i feel everything terrible at once to a severe level . life hurts.., my life has always been really bad, and so much is stopping me from being able to live a normal life. i want to disappear ../ the world is genuinely so cold. it hurts existing where everyone is so cold hearted. no matter what everyone seems so fake and empty to me. everyone only seems to really care about themselves, no one truly loves or cares about anyone. i dont know anymore.. i feel like it doesnt matter what i do, because no one cares about me. i feel like everyone is likable in a way no matter what, atleast 1 person out there could like anyone , but i feel this isnt the case for me. im just unlovable in any way possible , i cant do anything about it. i just feel so unfixable, i really do feel like im a broken person. its like theres something about my soul or aura that just makes it so im unlovable in every way possible, its like in any universe to exist at all not one other being could love me in any way. i dont know what im going on about anymore .., im just rambling on atp . maybe i should start making a plan to ctb next year or something , i just cant do this anymore

 

[Kempel556]

I think that most people just don´t get what some of us go trough, im sorry to hear that you are suffering so much because of how society is. I never had someone that loved me or truly cared about me so I don´t really know much about those feellings, but I do think that there are people in the world who care about our feellings and emotions, they are just hard to find. I hope things can get better for you

 

[FuneralCry]

I agree that existence truly is so torturous, I see existence as the most terrible and futile curse that just so unnecessarily causes so much harm and suffering. To permanently erase my existence is all I wish for as well, I see it as better for this existence to disappear and be forgotten about, I want it to be like I never existed at all.

 

[samsara_96]

Don't be too hard on yourself. I can feel that you're a kind soul even from this post alone. It's true that all these technological and economical advancements ended up making the society even more cruel, unkind and untrustworthy than before. However, even the fact that you refused to be part of such society shows how precious you really are. I am sorry that society has broken your soul. I would much rather spend my time with broken people like you than the corrupted idiots that constitute the majority.

 

[angel444]

Don't be too hard on yourself. I can feel that you're a kind soul even from this post alone. It's true that all these technological and economical advancements ended up making the society even more cruel, unkind and untrustworthy than before. However, even the fact that you refused to be part of such society shows how precious you really are. I am sorry that society has broken your soul. I would much rather spend my time with broken people like you than the corrupted idiots that constitute the majority.

thank u so much im literally gonna cry, bless u

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

existence is torture, living and being alive is torture. i wish i could erase myself completely. ctb isnt enough, i wish i never existed at all. life right now is increasingly getting worse, and more meaningless. i cant focus on anything, i dont have any goals. i always feel empty and numb, the only times i feel emotion is when i have intense mental breakdowns where it really does feel like my world is actually ending, and i feel everything terrible at once to a severe level . life hurts.., my life has always been really bad, and so much is stopping me from being able to live a normal life. i want to disappear ../ the world is genuinely so cold. it hurts existing where everyone is so cold hearted. no matter what everyone seems so fake and empty to me. everyone only seems to really care about themselves, no one truly loves or cares about anyone. i dont know anymore.. i feel like it doesnt matter what i do, because no one cares about me. i feel like everyone is likable in a way no matter what, atleast 1 person out there could like anyone , but i feel this isnt the case for me. im just unlovable in any way possible , i cant do anything about it. i just feel so unfixable, i really do feel like im a broken person. its like theres something about my soul or aura that just makes it so im unlovable in every way possible, its like in any universe to exist at all not one other being could love me in any way. i dont know what im going on about anymore .., im just rambling on atp . maybe i should start making a plan to ctb next year or something , i just cant do this anymore

I experience lack of emotion a lot due to anhedonia, its a living death sentence to be sure. I completely relate to the fact that other people are severely lacking in empathy. I think the vast majority of people are both stupid and selfish and just pretend to be nice, caring people, when in reality they are the complete opposite.
I doubt that you are unlovable: you sound to me very much like a sensitive soul who has experienced more emotional pain than anyone deserves.
Therefore you definitely deserve love, and lots of it.

 

[Oblivionis]

I can tell from your post that you feel deep emotions, and that you are a kind person who just wants to feel loved. There are people out there who will love you genuinely, but yes I agree they are oh so hard to find. I wish the world was better and more accepting, but in reality life is super tough.
It's not everyone, but so many people are selfish, I know how you feel. I just wanted people to accept me. Life does not get easier but every time I think of CTB a part of me stops because I get so angry, thinking about how those who wronged me will just live on while I'm gone. I can't accept that. Before I die I need to prove to the selfish people that they were wrong about me.

I hope things get better for you, you are a good person, I can tell.

 

[lwlaiet8887]

Same I'm entirely bored of life and hate what this life entails, it honestly disgusts me in a way I can't quite describe.