I want to do it but can't

[Septim]

I ordered some sn but still waiting for it to arrive.

Tried partial hanging several times but couldn't black out.

Set up a rope on a nice tree for a full hanging but couldn't bring myself to do it.

Do I really want to die? I feel like I do but when I try to do it I always end up backing out. Then I start to think maybe I don't want to die and I'm not serious about it but it really feels like I do want to do it.

I'm confused.

 

[ryla2090]

I understand, to some extent how you are feeling, I've tried, and failed too. Once you succeed, there is no coming back, EVER. So, really, really think this through while you are waiting for the SN. Whatever you do don't rush it, and be deliberate, and careful. Even if you decide against suicide, it'll give you some mental comfort, knowing that there's always the option of the SN.
In conclusion, don't rush, and think things through.

 

[theguineapigking]

I completely understand what you mean. It's like you want to die, yet at the same time, you question if it's what you truly want...but it is right?..or is it? That is what I went through for years. It's my family holding me back though. What about you? Is there anything specific that is making you doubt suicide?

I definitely agree with @ryla2090. You really need to think this over. Take your time. Please don't rush. If you feel conflicted like this, and have any hope at life, please don't jump at the option of taking sn..at least not yet. Only you can decide what is best for you. But rushing is a BAD idea. You want to be in a clear mindset when/if you decide to attempt.


I wish you the best in the meantime. Feel free to reply to my message if you want to talk!

 

[Septim]

I still have some hope but I wish I didn't. It just keeps me lingering in pain.

 

[Linda]

Why do you want to die? If you can formulate a clear answer to that question, and then have a cold, unemotional, logical look at the answer you have just given, you might find that it helps.