i want to disappear

[sogi]

i dont even want to ctb, id simply like to dissapear, i dont want people to think of me while im here nor after im gone, i just wish i had never been born at all, i feel like such a waste of space, i feel extreme disgust towards myself. at this point im convinced my problems arent big enough for me to commit and i feel like i dont deserve to. but i cant help but wish to no longer be alive. i hope one day i will be less of a coward and end it because i literally have no idea why im here

 

[sserafim]

i dont even want to ctb, id simply like to dissapear, i dont want people to think of me while im here nor after im gone, i just wish i had never been born at all, i feel like such a waste of space, i feel extreme disgust towards myself. at this point im convinced my problems arent big enough for me to commit and i feel like i dont deserve to. but i cant help but wish to no longer be alive. i hope one day i will be less of a coward and end it because i literally have no idea why im here

Same, I wish I could just disappear as well. It would be the dream. I wish I never even existed at all. I wish I could just fade away without having to ctb

 

[Renee]

Sogi I have been there too. I am often there being treated for SI. Often I want to CTB and no funeral, No obituary. Just infurnowed and the vase tossed into a trash can as if I never was.

But the problem is we do exist and it will deeply affect others. I am fighting it. I hope you will also and turn things around. You know... What is the meaning of life ? is one of man's oldest questions. No one ever came up with an answer. At least not for man kind.

While I disdain organized religion I do believe there is something somewhere. I say that because the day I met my wife I know I would well hoped I would marry her. We were both like stray dogs lost in a strange city a long way from home. She had had a hard life and all the men she was involved with took advantage of her good heart. For my meaning of life it was to look after her. I have struggeled off and on for years with SI because of what my parents did to me for being transgender. I have often said I will stay alive until after her funeral because my raison d'etre will be over. I don't know...

Think of this if all of this is true and someone is out there for you, if you CTB you will prevent them from fulfilling their destiny and having the enriched life because of you. I don't know much about you and I am not a head shrinker, but I hope it helps. Maybe therapy and anti depressants for a while might help. Good luck. Hugs, Renee