Venting i want to die right now, tonight, in any way possible

[monetpompo]

i broke down in front of my friend tonight because i was trying to do the "final goodbye" (i don't plan on being alive in december for him to visit during christmas), but i couldn't handle it. i just wanted to jump out of the car and run into the grass while he was driving but he kept on telling me to not do it because he wanted to drive me back home and it was raining. i wish i didn't hang out with him today. i should've kept on laying in bed. i didn't deserve to see him. i wasn't even well dressed because i didn't expect him to want to hang out with me. i'm terrible at saying goodbye. i didn't want him to drive away.

i just want to die so that the pain stops. i want to hang myself or drown myself or jump from a bridge but none of these methods are easy. i can't uber to a bridge because i don't know how i can get dropped off when it's just a really long highway. i can't get my license, so i can't go to my ctb location on my own. i struggle a lot with hanging, so i might just go home if i try to uber to the woods. that leaves drowning myself. i can drown in sylvan beach or galveston beach. the water will be cold. i don't know how to swim, so i think that it would be really easy to drown. i barely know how to keep my head above water, and i know that the beaches are open for 24 hours. i just need to do something.

i want to die. i wish that i could die. i don't want to see tomorrow and i want to attempt today. don't write stuff about how i need to calm down because i don't care. i don't know why i posted this. i just want someone to know how i feel. i think that no matter what happens i'm going to die, but i wish i could do it today so that i don't have to remember tonight. i hated tonight. i hate that i wanted to keep hanging out with my friend forever when i know i'm going to kill myself. i wish he would hate me and leave me behind. why couldn't he have made it easier? why did it have to be so hard?

 

[chudeatte]

drowning is a scary thing and it isnt exactly quick. you probably already knew that anyway, but really think about it. it sounds like there's a lot on your mind and I know exactly how it feels to think you'll do it tonight when everything seems terrible. nothing really matters in that moment except death, not even the ways in which you'll achieve it. tonight has been a terrible night for me too. I hope you at least find some comfort in knowing you're not the only one feeling terrible and I really hope tonight gets better for you whatever decision you make

 

[monetpompo]

nothing really matters in that moment except death, not even the ways in which you'll achieve it. tonight has been a terrible night for me too. I hope you at least find some comfort in knowing you're not the only one feeling terrible and I really hope tonight gets better for you whatever decision you make

my stomach hurts, i'm dehydrated, i have a headache, and i kind of just feel like i'm going crazy. my period has genuinely made me want to kill myself all week. my stomach has hurt the entire day, but the nausea and tightness gets worse when i feel anxious. it's like it's trying to close itself up completely. thanks for writing a comment. i'm still thinking about drowning myself, but i looked at pictures of bichon frise poodles and felt a little happier because i think they're so cute. i really do appreciate you leaving a comment for me even though this post looks and feels so attention seeking and stupid. i can't tell you how many times i've thought, "i'm doing it tonight!! i can't take it anymore!!" then waking up tomorrow in absolute shame. it's embarrassing to want to die so much just to not do it. i just can't take this feeling anymore. i don't want to feel so sad and anxious over everything.