Venting I want to die I can't handle being like this anymore

[vanillasilverberry]

I've been wanting to die for a while. But lately my thoughts of CTB have been really frequent. It's almost as if everyday I think about it. I think the reason is because life has been so hard lately. I don't know maybe I'm overexaggerating and my life isn't as hard as I think it is, at least that's what other people would say if I told them. Everytime I try to talk to my friends or family or even therapists about how this is how I'm feeling, they tell me that it'll get better and that it's only temporary. But it doesn't feel temporary. At first I could ignore the fact that I was depressed, that I hated my life and that I was always in pain. But recently I've been screwing up a lot, I've screwed up relationships, people seem to be leaving me left and right. I just feel so alone and in pain.

I don't know do other people feel like this?

For the past week, I've been think of dying. I mean in the past I've made attempts but at the last moment I chickened out. It was only because I told myself that eventually I wouldn't feel like this. But It's just keeps getting worse and I'm just so tired. Being in pain is the worst feeling in the world. I guess all I'm looking for is some peace. I thought yesterday what it would be like after I died. Honestly the thought about how my family and friends would feel after I died made me sad. But at the same time I just think it would be better off for everybody, especially me, if I just wasn't around anymore.

I decided that I'm going to actually go through my plan sometime in the next few weeks. I'm a little scared honestly but at the same time I've made peace with my decision. I think it's a good one. To people who say that suicide is just a permanent solution to a temporary problem I don't think they understand that sometimes pain and sadness can feel like a permanent problem, at least for me anyway. I wish I had gone through with my plan a long time ago I just think I didn't want to leave unfinished business before I was really and trul gone if that makes sense.

Anyway I just wanted to vent all of this stuff on here because I've been thinking about it for the past couple of weeks and I knew I couldn't talk to anyone I know about this. I've tried and they just look at me like I've lost my mind or they don't take me seriously. I just wish I knew someone who could relate to how I'm feeling and would be understanding. Not a lot of people like that out there though.

 

[Zegers]

There are many people who don't like their life, who would like to die but just don't talk about it.

I think at a certain point for some people life becomes more and more difficult to cope with.

I wish you luck in whatever you decide.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand how you feel. I am also tired and I just want to be free from the pain of living, only I wish that it is easier to leave this world. It hurts me being alive and I know that it is dreadful when things just get worse. I'm sorry that you suffer so unbearably, I feel like others who are not in a similar situation would never be able to understand. After all, it is your life and only you know what is best for yourself. I wish you relief from pain in whatever happens.

 

[vanillasilverberry]

There are many people who don't like their life, who would like to die but just don't talk about it.

I think at a certain point for some people life becomes more and more difficult to cope with.

I wish you luck in whatever you decide.

Yeah I feel like there a lot of people who just like me don't like the way their life is and who wish to die. I understand them not wanting to talk about it because for so long neither did I. But thank for wishing me luck in whatever I choose to do. I definitely have come to that certain point like you said where life has just become do difficult for me to cope with.

I understand how you feel. I am also tired and I just want to be free from the pain of living, only I wish that it is easier to leave this world. It hurts me being alive and I know that it is dreadful when things just get worse. I'm sorry that you suffer so unbearably, I feel like others who are not in a similar situation would never be able to understand. After all, it is your life and only you know what is best for yourself. I wish you relief from pain in whatever happens.

I think it's a little comforting knowing that I am not the only one who is tired of life and tired of the pain of living each and everyday. I think the reason that I have made attempts before but haven't gone through with them is because it's not easy leaving this world. I'm like you I wish it was easier. If it was I would have left a long time ago. Thank you for you're wishes, I too hope that I find relief from this unbearable pain.