I want to die, but the instinct of self-preservation does not give me. My life is hell.

[snack]

I really want to finish this. Every day is unbearable for me. But every time I put a noose on my head, I can't go through with it. I have a mess in my head, a mental problem, I'm afraid, the instinct of self-preservation. I'm in an unbearably difficult position. I want to die, but I can't.
I am transgender (MtF), I have mental problems, bipolar disorder, social phobia, panic attacks, prolonged depression.I can't start hormone therapy for many reasons. I live in a transphobic country. A father who hates me makes me do hard work. I can not leave him, no money and earn because of my problems can not. Unbearable gender dysphoria. I live every day and dream of dying. My life is truly hell. I want this to be over, I really do, but I'm so exhausted, I can't bring myself to do it. Death would be a release from pain and suffering. But the instinct of self-preservation is stronger than me and it makes me suffer for another day and another...
My life is truly hell. I want to die, but I can't. It's like Groundhog day. It's a Mobius strip I can't get out of. I'd just like to die from my many ailments. My life is a living hell.

 

[NextSummer]

I feel sorry for your situation. How can we help?

 

[GeorgeJL]

I literally have no SI, the reason why is that 1. I have a peaceful method with N. 2. I will wait until I can't go anymore then end it, leaving no room for doubt.

 

[Ashpac]

I literally have no SI, the reason why is that 1. I have a peaceful method with N. 2. I will wait until I can't go anymore then end it, leaving no room for doubt.

How long you sticking around George? I know you've said you have your N a few times now. Not that I'm trying to get rid of you just curious. Are you just chilling in the mean time or crossing stuff off a bucket list as they say.

 

[GeorgeJL]

How long you sticking around George? I know you've said you have your N a few times now. Not that I'm trying to get rid of you just curious. Are you just chilling in the mean time or crossing stuff off a bucket list as they say.

I'm just enjoying life until I can't go any further. My health is known to fluctuate. I would like to stick around another 30 years or longer. But once I health goes south I'm out of here.

 

[Ashpac]

It would suck if you got knocked over and passed away and not get to use your N lol.

I'm just messing. Enjoy your life and then go out peacefully. That's all any anybody wants.

 

[stillwoozy]

I'm sorry you're in so much pain. SI has hurt me so much in the past as well.
Feel free to message me if you want to talk <3