I want to cuddle when I end it

[AnonymousL]

I wish there was a way to ask my boyfriend to just lay on the bed.. me in his arms after I took SN. So he can just hold me and tell me everything is gonna be okay while I fall asleep for eternity.

 

[𝗟𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗹𝘆]

That is such a beautiful way to pass. In arms of your loved one, feeling safe and loved. And the feeling of comfort and peace.

 

[AnonymousL]

That is such a beautiful way to pass. In arms of your loved one, feeling safe and loved. And the feeling of comfort and peace.

Exactly :( that would be the best way to go for me. Sadly he would never approve of me ending my life especially not in his arms

 

[ManByTheRiver]

It would be very comforting, to have someone accept you even in death. But my main concern would be that there could be legal trouble for him from "having assisted in a suicide"

 

[AnonymousL]

It would be very comforting, to have someone accept you even in death. But my main concern would be that there could be legal trouble for him from "having assisted in a suicide"

I didn't think of that ..
I guess he could just leave and pretend he was never there and find me the next morning or something.

But its all a fantasy that will never happen anyways.

 

[Division Day]

Yeah, unfortunately that's just not something anyone would be okay with, aside from if they were also CTB or if they were a loving partner to someone with a terminal illness.

My unlikely hope would just be someone to hold hands or something and go together. It's always easier to make a journey when you're not alone.

 

[Ernest1964]

I know it sounds lovely but if you asked he might actually do it for you. The legal issues would be massive for him. If a street camera or a camera in your building catches him leaving your place, after you CTB... He's done for. I don't think that you want to cause him to end up in jail because your wanted a hug.

 

[リンさん]

Me too. Ideally we would take SN at the same time and drift away peacefully while holding each other :(

(for the sake of romance, let's forget about nausea and vomiting lol)

 

[tiger b]

It's terrible when wanting something so simple could result in consequences for someone being profoundly caring and respectful like that.

 

[hi-okbye]

i completely get that. it's so unfair how we can't have these basic things, even when we're dying. in a way i feel lucky because my partner has already passed, so hopefully i will see him after i pass. i envision a scene where after ctb'ing, i just wake up in his arms again :(
maybe you guys can work something out but the legal issues kinda suck :/

 

[lostsou1]

that sounds nice. I wish I had a woman to spend my final moments with

 

[achb]

I've thought about this a lot. How nice it would be to die with my arms wrapped around someone I care about, giving them all my love in my final moments.

 

[DyingToDie123]

The safest I've ever felt was in the arms of someone who once said they cared about me. When we did safe place meditations in partial hospitalization I always envisioned that. Now he has a restraining order against me because I wrote him a suicide note. God what I would give to just be held one more time. I feel you OP, I feel you hard (not in a weird way lol).

 

[avaruus]

This would be too good to be true.
I don't even want to fantasize about it, makes me have an expression like the cat in my avatar, because it's not going be like that.

 

[tiger b]

I thought that cat's expression indicated profound flatulence...

 

[Engström]

It would be very comforting, to have someone accept you even in death

To have someone accept you even in death.

That is powerful, and so beautiful.

I wish I could have that.

This got me right in the heart

I thought that cat's expression indicated profound flatulence...

'Profound Flatulence' is the title of Tantafool's autobiography.

 

[Rack.-]

I wish there was a way to ask my boyfriend to just lay on the bed.. me in his arms after I took SN. So he can just hold me and tell me everything is gonna be okay while I fall asleep for eternity.

Hi
Just wanted to ask you something,
If he really did it. If he really wanted to lay there with you, hold you in his arms, hug you, caress you and cuddle with you... Would you really want to take the SN? Wouldn't you find yourself in peace in that exact moment? Wouldn't that make you feel feelings you've been craving for?
Sending you love :)

 

[AnonymousL]

The safest I've ever felt was in the arms of someone who once said they cared about me. When we did safe place meditations in partial hospitalization I always envisioned that. Now he has a restraining order against me because I wrote him a suicide note. God what I would give to just be held one more time. I feel you OP, I feel you hard (not in a weird way lol).

this made me laugh lmao

This would be too good to be true.
I don't even want to fantasize about it, makes me have an expression like the cat in my avatar, because it's not going be like that.

a girl can dream

Hi
Just wanted to ask you something,
If he really did it. If he really wanted to lay there with you, hold you in his arms, hug you, caress you and cuddle with you... Would you really want to take the SN? Wouldn't you find yourself in peace in that exact moment? Wouldn't that make you feel feelings you've been craving for?
Sending you love :)

Hey, I understand where ur coming from.
Because i feel so at peace is exactly the reason why I want to do it like that.

Sadly there are no cuddles enough , there is no love enough to keep me here on this cruel earth.
I wasn't made for this world. I have came to this realization a long time ago. There is nothing that can change my mind on that.
Some people aren't made for certain jobs like working in a mortuary or whatever, I just wasn't made to be here. Its that simple.

When I think about suicide I think about how painful it is / how difficult it is to peacefully end your own life.

The thing that could make it a bit better is to feel that safe and peaceful feeling when I end it.

I'm not craving for love , i'm craving for a peaceful end.

 

[Rack.-]

Hey, I understand where ur coming from.
Because i feel so at peace is exactly the reason why I want to do it like that.

Sadly there are no cuddles enough , there is no love enough to keep me here on this cruel earth.
I wasn't made for this world. I have came to this realization a long time ago. There is nothing that can change my mind on that.
Some people aren't made for certain jobs like working in a mortuary or whatever, I just wasn't made to be here. Its that simple.

When I think about suicide I think about how painful it is / how difficult it is to peacefully end your own life.

The thing that could make it a bit better is to feel that safe and peaceful feeling when I end it.

I'm not craving for love , i'm craving for a peaceful end.

I understand what you mean but I don't fully get if the main cause of these feelings are due to a lack of the love you feel from your special someone because you said:

Sadly there are no cuddles enough , there is no love enough to keep me here on this cruel earth.

But you also say that you are not craving for love and just want a peaceful end so in the second case I wouldn't fully understand the reason behind it because there's always a choice to leave the world later in the future and since we are all leaving it in some point I wanted to ask you about the reason of doing it now.

In my case I think I principally feel the way I do because I never had anybody special in my life (apart from my family) so It hurts whenever I think about this lack of affection... And sorry if I'm being too annoying with the long text or anything I really try to be as kind as possible :3

 

[AnonymousL]

I understand what you mean but I don't fully get if the main cause of these feelings are due to a lack of the love you feel from your special someone because you said: Sadly there are no cuddles enough , there is no love enough to keep me here on this cruel earth.

i'm not sure if i'm understanding it right.

Maybe things would have been different for me if I had loving parents that didn't abuse / neglect me so in a way , i am craving love from parents not necessarily my own parents. But I think even if i had felt that kind of love, it still wouldnt be enough.

My boyfriend is the most loving person I have ever met. So there is not a lack on love on that side. He physically and mentally cant do more to make me feel more loved.
I feel like i'm as loved as I ever can be and that is enough for me. I don't need my parents love. And as i mentioned above, even if i had loving parents it would still not make a difference.

But you also say that you are not craving for love and just want a peaceful end so in the second case I wouldn't fully understand the reason behind it because there's always a choice to leave the world later in the future and since we are all leaving it in some point I wanted to ask you about the reason of doing it now.

We all die at some point in our lives, some die feeling peace that they accomplished everything they wanted in life. Others don't.

In my case, if i would end my life right now, the only thing I would regret in life is not making more memories with my boyfriend. Other than that, there is nothing else to live for.

Sadly on most days that feeling of not enough memories is not strong enough against the feeling of wanting to die.

Maybe i die in a car accident tomorrow or maybe I will get old and wear diapers and get sick and worked my whole life.
I don't wanna take the chance to get to that second part.

I have seen enough of the world to know that this just isn't it for me. I don't want this anymore, I don't need this anymore.

I live in mental pain everyday.

So if i have the choice to end it, i'd rather do it now than later..

In my case I think I principally feel the way I do because I never had anybody special in my life (apart from my family) so It hurts whenever I think about this lack of affection... And sorry if I'm being too annoying with the long text or anything I really try to be as kind as possible :3

Thankfully for you, that could change in the future. i'd hold on and try to find that happiness.

You're not annoying at all , don't worry.

 

[bee_bee]

People are mentioning the legal ramification but no one is talking about the psychological ones. That's going to leave a massive scar on his life, especially asking to be involved. It's none of my business and I don't know what kind of relationship you have. If it's healthy enough that you would want him there while you pass, that's either the most amazing relationship ever or something that might mess him up for the rest of his life. I know I'm old compared to other people here and maybe society has changed. I know if and when I CTB, I want to leave as less scaring behind as possible. If he's ok with it, great, but it sounds like you're pretty sure he'd never. I wish you well regardless of what outcome happens.

 

[AnonymousL]

People are mentioning the legal ramification but no one is talking about the psychological ones. That's going to leave a massive scar on his life, especially asking to be involved. It's none of my business and I don't know what kind of relationship you have. If it's healthy enough that you would want him there while you pass, that's either the most amazing relationship ever or something that might mess him up for the rest of his life. I know I'm old compared to other people here and maybe society has changed. I know if and when I CTB, I want to leave as less scaring behind as possible. If he's ok with it, great, but it sounds like you're pretty sure he'd never. I wish you well regardless of what outcome happens.

I'm 100 % sure he would never want that and while I do fantasize about it as the ultimate and most peaceful CTB possible for me, I don't think I could ever ask him if I would think there was a possibility he would be open for it.

I am planning on getting a hotel room for a few nights so my parents / sister wouldn't have to find me either. Even though my parents did bad things to me, I don't want to give them that trauma either.

 

[cryvinglightning]

i've fantasized about something like this a lot. it would be such a beautiful way to go out, but i'd feel sorry for the other person's psyche. even if they agreed, i think it'd be difficult.