I want to CTB tonight

[coltact]

I am going to try hanging myself tonight. I have decided on a neck tie and have a very sturdy metal bar in this guest room's wardrobe that is whispering my name in the dark echo of this dark, cold hotel room.

I just wanted to tell you guys how much I have enjoyed being part of this community. It is so nice to feel a level of empathy from randomers across the world going through similar situations to myself. I am just currently listening to music, having a drink, a smoke. I am writing out my final goodbye letters to my many siblings (I'm 1 of 7) and rest of the family, I know they will suffer for this. I know they are strong enough to survive.

I never wanted it to come to this, I wanted to get 'better'. I wanted to heal my mind. Unfortunately things have only gotten worse...

To all I have hurt along the way, I'm sorry. To all that have hurt me... I forgive you wholeheartedly. I know the source of all evil is pain...

If I succeed tonight.. see you all on the other side






peace

Jacob, 23, from England x

 

[snuffcore]

I wish you a peaceful passing... If not, we'll always be here for you.

 

[coltact]

I wish you a peaceful passing... If not, we'll always be here for you.

thank you brother

 

[illbeinthegarage]

hugs

 

[MorticiasHair]

it's sad. it really is.
you're still very young, jacob. it doesn't have to be your last day.

 

[mem12]

Sad.Peace.
Sorry that you came to this

 

[lunargreenx]

Enjoy your final cigarette. Tobacco is amongst few things I enjoy about this world. I wish you peace and no pain. May all of us see each other on the other side.

 

[mem12]

Are you sure ? Maybe want to chat?

 

[Localmanic]

I am going to try hanging myself tonight. I have decided on a neck tie and have a very sturdy metal bar in this guest room's wardrobe that is whispering my name in the dark echo of this dark, cold hotel room.

I just wanted to tell you guys how much I have enjoyed being part of this community. It is so nice to feel a level of empathy from randomers across the world going through similar situations to myself. I am just currently listening to music, having a drink, a smoke. I am writing out my final goodbye letters to my many siblings (I'm 1 of 7) and rest of the family, I know they will suffer for this. I know they are strong enough to survive.

I never wanted it to come to this, I wanted to get 'better'. I wanted to heal my mind. Unfortunately things have only gotten worse...

To all I have hurt along the way, I'm sorry. To all that have hurt me... I forgive you wholeheartedly. I know the source of all evil is pain...

If I succeed tonight.. see you all on the other side






peace

Jacob, 23, from England x

See you on the other side

 

[Lost_the_will2_live]

Love & peace to you Jacob , from Scotland

 

[andresantosfx]

I am going to try hanging myself tonight. I have decided on a neck tie and have a very sturdy metal bar in this guest room's wardrobe that is whispering my name in the dark echo of this dark, cold hotel room.

I just wanted to tell you guys how much I have enjoyed being part of this community. It is so nice to feel a level of empathy from randomers across the world going through similar situations to myself. I am just currently listening to music, having a drink, a smoke. I am writing out my final goodbye letters to my many siblings (I'm 1 of 7) and rest of the family, I know they will suffer for this. I know they are strong enough to survive.

I never wanted it to come to this, I wanted to get 'better'. I wanted to heal my mind. Unfortunately things have only gotten worse...

To all I have hurt along the way, I'm sorry. To all that have hurt me... I forgive you wholeheartedly. I know the source of all evil is pain...

If I succeed tonight.. see you all on the other side






peace

Jacob, 23, from England x

If you feel like it's not the time, that's just fine and we will always be here for you mate. If you feel 100% sure, I wish you a good trip.I hope you find peace.

 

[mem12]

Are you sure ? Maybe want to chat?

Let me know if you want to chat
Not clear are you still around, but somehow it makes me very sad looking at your age...

 

[coltact]

thank you all. i'm still here, the neck tie is hanging from the metal bar. there's a poetic comfort in listening to my music, drinking, smoking... flirting with the idea of ending it all. it's all so sick, as is most things in society. i just want to be happy, i want to make other people happy. i realise we are just a breeze in the wind, blowing through. i wish i could enjoy the breeze

 

[MorticiasHair]

thank you all. i'm still here, the neck tie is hanging from the metal bar. there's a poetic comfort in listening to my music, drinking, smoking... flirting with the idea of ending it all. it's all so sick, as is most things in society. i just want to be happy, i want to make other people happy. i realise we are just a breeze in the wind, blowing through. i wish i could enjoy the breeze

baby, you could at least try to enjoy it. i say that because you're only 23. give yourself another chance but live by your own rules. what others say or think is irrelevant.

 

[mem12]

I'm wondering what is happening in your life that you came to this... Jacob, you don't have to do this. You still have time and so young

 

[MorticiasHair]

jake pls stay

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

Whatever you decide to do, we are here for you. If you do choose to go then i wish you safe travels and peace. Rest well

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

I am going to try hanging myself tonight. I have decided on a neck tie and have a very sturdy metal bar in this guest room's wardrobe that is whispering my name in the dark echo of this dark, cold hotel room.

I just wanted to tell you guys how much I have enjoyed being part of this community. It is so nice to feel a level of empathy from randomers across the world going through similar situations to myself. I am just currently listening to music, having a drink, a smoke. I am writing out my final goodbye letters to my many siblings (I'm 1 of 7) and rest of the family, I know they will suffer for this. I know they are strong enough to survive.

I never wanted it to come to this, I wanted to get 'better'. I wanted to heal my mind. Unfortunately things have only gotten worse...

To all I have hurt along the way, I'm sorry. To all that have hurt me... I forgive you wholeheartedly. I know the source of all evil is pain...

If I succeed tonight.. see you all on the other side






peace

Jacob, 23, from England x

I don't know you, but I teared up reading what you. Very poetic, the dark whispers calling your name in the dark. I know what you mean, I've heard the whispers too. Peace be with you Jacob

I am going to try hanging myself tonight. I have decided on a neck tie and have a very sturdy metal bar in this guest room's wardrobe that is whispering my name in the dark echo of this dark, cold hotel room.

I just wanted to tell you guys how much I have enjoyed being part of this community. It is so nice to feel a level of empathy from randomers across the world going through similar situations to myself. I am just currently listening to music, having a drink, a smoke. I am writing out my final goodbye letters to my many siblings (I'm 1 of 7) and rest of the family, I know they will suffer for this. I know they are strong enough to survive.

I never wanted it to come to this, I wanted to get 'better'. I wanted to heal my mind. Unfortunately things have only gotten worse...

To all I have hurt along the way, I'm sorry. To all that have hurt me... I forgive you wholeheartedly. I know the source of all evil is pain...

If I succeed tonight.. see you all on the other side






peace

Jacob, 23, from England x

I always wonder, what it would be like on the other side. Do you think we are capable of meeting each other on other side?

 

[Deleted member 17331]

I wish you a good peaceful trip, Jacob. If it is not the path chosen by you, we will still be here with open arms wide open to welcome you back.

I also understand that your age does not prevent you from the world's pains.

Sending you millions of hugs

 

[mem12]

Mate, you said you are drinking. Exactly what?

 

[TowerUpright]

Be at peace, Jacob.

 

[MorticiasHair]

ah of course, pain does not know any age. but the point is that he can still experience a lot of beautiful and crazy things before he leaves. he has a romantic soul. he needs love & a soulmate who is as melancholic as he is. shhh

 

[Deleted member 17331]

ah of course, pain does not know any age. but the point is that he can still experience a lot of beautiful and crazy things before he leaves. he has a romantic soul. he needs love & a soulmate who is as melancholic as he is. shhh

Maybe yes maybe no. I do not understand the feelings and reasons of the author of the post, and I believe that it would be a little misleading to put my personal views in the choice of someone else, as I do not understand his feelings, only mine.

Anyway, hugs.

 

[pole]

hey,

sorry to hear about what you're going through, and i hope you take you're time in thinking about such a decision. regardless, hope you find peace.

just a reminder for users on such threads. please refrain from using age during the discussions of ctb, as a way in guilt-tripping and making a member think twice about their decisions.

i understand that theres empathetic intent to such approaches. however, people need to realize this is extremely counter productive. younger members including myself (being 20) come onto the site, hoping this is an environment thats free of any judgement and criticism of ANY kind. the last thing we'd like is for some members to act like the very same people we try and escape from, in the real world. focusing in on age and telling another member that it gets better and what not, is something we've heard 1938393838 times. it doesn't help, it never will. that isn't the way to help, it makes the entire situation worse and makes OP feel worse.

the point is theres always better ways in providing empathetic support than to simply focus in on a persons age and undermine their maturity. it makes us feel less of a person, invalidates what were going through because of age, etc. its counter productive. all we want is TO BE HEARD, VALIDATED, AND UNDERSTOOD. and this forum will always be an environment thats free of any judgement or criticism towards anyone for anything at all.

if you do feel otherwise, that's completely fine. however, for the sake of OP and the thread itself, refrain from posting such comments about age and selectively targetting younger members, it isn't fair for OP to feel worse and invalidated, nor does the thread invite such discussions.

just a reminder, warnings and possible bans will apply for users that continue to engage in such a manner. it isn't fair to other younger members to feel excluded and invalidated.

take care.

 

[coltact]

hi guys, I got a phone call in the night from a very good person that I have recently been able to call my friend. im unsure why she called me but I told her everything when she did, and she refused to get off the phone until i fell asleep

i could have hung up on her which would have scared her im sure. it was nice to have someone that cared. likewise, it is nice to come here today to see all of your messages, thank you

my sister told me about the plans that are in place for my birthday, close friends and family coming round. going to the pub as they have reopened here in the uk now. im going to stick around for that. yesterday was a very low point for me. i think the hardest part of it all is knowing my next low point is just around the corner and each time my mental health relapses it seems to be more profound, almost like a terminal illness slowly degrading my body and mind on the inside. im feeling a little stronger today and i have promised myself in the past not to persuade myself in any way to flirt with ctb unless i feel it is absolutely necessary.

i hope you are all doing well, sending peace to you x

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

hi guys, I got a phone call in the night from a very good person that I have recently been able to call my friend. im unsure why she called me but I told her everything when she did, and she refused to get off the phone until i fell asleep

i could have hung up on her which would have scared her im sure. it was nice to have someone that cared. likewise, it is nice to come here today to see all of your messages, thank you

my sister told me about the plans that are in place for my birthday, close friends and family coming round. going to the pub as they have reopened here in the uk now. im going to stick around for that. yesterday was a very low point for me. i think the hardest part of it all is knowing my next low point is just around the corner and each time my mental health relapses it seems to be more profound, almost like a terminal illness slowly degrading my body and mind on the inside. im feeling a little stronger today and i have promised myself in the past not to persuade myself in any way to flirt with ctb unless i feel it is absolutely necessary.

i hope you are all doing well, sending peace to you x

I am glad your with us still.