Help I Want to CTB, but I am scared of the afterlife

[greyshalllay1995]

I already know that I really want to CTB. I have a specific method set aside (about 280 lithium carbonate pills, over 120,000 mg, more then plenty to cause fatal lithium toxicity. It will probably be a slow and painful death, but I prefer something slower rather than a gunshot, where the last possible second could be me thinking "omg what did I just do?" I prefer to ease into it slowly, even if it involves me having seizures. The one thing that really scares me, and keeps me from carrying out something I've wanted for years, is the fear of reincarnation, or being punished in some kind of afterlife. I was raised Episcopal (liberal christianity) and now religiously identify as Wiccan/Pagan. They say that if you commit suicide, you are reincarnated into another life to live those same life lessons all over again, and that scares me. I am deathly afraid of being born into an abusive family, or being born in a "not free" country in my next life, or just dying and thinking that I picked the wrong religion. I don't need people to tell me that I shouldn't, because we're all here on this site for a reason. I just want tools that I can use so that I can overcome this fear and just be done with it. Thank you so much.

 

[missingpeace]

Well, you can't remember your past lives, so you probably won't remember this life, even if it's the same. I think of that sometimes, too... Currently I'm going through severe demonic oppression where it doesn't even let me have bowel movements properly and has taken away all mental and emotional capacity. There's no lessons to learn in this, if God expects me to endure this till I die a natural death, then fuck him, there's no way I'm doing that. I will keep trying to ctb till I get out.

 

[FuneralCry]

The way that I see it, there is simply no evidence of any kind of afterlife or reincarnation even existing, I believe them to be fictional stories invented by people who were unable to come to terms with the true meaningless and insignificant nature of this existence, where we are all destined to cease existing. I believe there to be simply nothing after this with not even the awareness of the fact that we are dead and this thought comforts me a lot. Death is true peace and freedom from this hellish world and I think that one should never fear death. Death is the most normal thing after all and there is no escaping it.

 

[bessops1976]

Lithium toxicity is brutal, it's highly likely you'll defecate yourself and vomit horrendously. The tremors are equally as terrible. I survived an attempt using lithium - my body rejected it before organ failure. I don't remember anything for nearly two days, in the process I fractured my cuboid (left foot) and landed in a psyche ward for 9 days. I definitely do not advise this method, either for reliability or suffering, which I most certainly did. I would never overdose again! It's very unpleasant

 

[henikova]

"...where the last possible second could be me thinking "omg what did I just do?"..."
It sounds you are not convinced. Please look for professional mental health help and figure out if your problems can be solved.

Anyway, you have been non-existent for billions of years until you were born. You don't have any memories of the past 14 billion years.
Once your life ends you will be non-existent again.
It'll be exactly the same as the situation before your birth. You will not exist, so "you" will not experience anything.
Your present existence and your current consciousness is the only condition you will ever experience.

 

[Rob1984]

The way that I see it, there is simply no evidence of any kind of afterlife or reincarnation even existing, I believe them to be fictional stories invented by people who were unable to come to terms with the true meaningless and insignificant nature of this existence, where we are all destined to cease existing. I believe there to be simply nothing after this with not even the awareness of the fact that we are dead and this thought comforts me a lot. Death is true peace and freedom from this hellish world and I think that one should never fear death. Death is the most normal thing after all and there is no escaping it.

There is no evidence for anything that happens when we die. So the afterlife, reincarnation, non-existence, limbo, etc. are all fair game until at least one of them is proven to either be true or false. Just because something hasn't been proven false doesn't mean it is false.

 

[virgilwalks]

Often we ask for a sign or confirmation one of our community members is okay after CTB - so far - nada.

 

[releasespieces]

All religious or spirituality lines of thought are irrational coping mechanisms to deal with how incredibly frightening life is for many. It's innately comforting because it's part of an evolutionary process that is literally in your DNA. It's insane to realize that neurosis triggers serotonin in our minds encouraging more irrational thought. Our ancestors have been dreaming up all sorts of bat shit crazy stuff to comfort themselves since they were able to rub two sticks together… booga booga . Religious people really do get relief and peace of mind from their practices, but it's just our way of trying to deal with the harsh reality of being a conscious, self aware being. No one really knows what happens when we croak, but it's part of the shitty adventure we call life.. buckle up buckaroos.

 

[death's lover]

Well, you can't remember your past lives, so you probably won't remember this life, even if it's the same. I think of that sometimes, too... Currently I'm going through severe demonic oppression where it doesn't even let me have bowel movements properly and has taken away all mental and emotional capacity. There's no lessons to learn in this, if God expects me to endure this till I die a natural death, then fuck him, there's no way I'm doing that. I will keep trying to ctb till I get out.

I love the way you Said fuck him.

 

[MidnightCat]

I'm sorry you are thinking of going in such a painful way.

I'm Wiccan too, been for around 15 years in some shape of form.

I can only tell you what I believe happens when we go, but as you'll imagine it's just what I believe.

I don't really think you should be scared. I believe we reincarnate "to learn all lessons". You probably already learnt a lot in this life, you'll not need to learn that again and again.

I'm my mind, maybe the next set of lessons is being a happy house cat (as I believe to learn all lessons you need to be all the living things) and then you'll learn just other things. It may contain bad moments, but it may contain a great life too.

Also, I do believe we have time to relax in the afterlife. You decide when you're ready to come back, so no need to hurry.


I would hate for this comment to push you to ctb if I'm honest. But if you do ctb I would like you to be at peace.


Death itself is cold. That's why we should go and give her a warm hug when we go.

 

[Darkover]

there's no escaping hell plucked from the void of nothing into hell soon to return to the void of nothing and so the cycle repeats, there should just be nothing no matter no space no time just plan nothing yet here we all are the mystery of the universe perhaps the world is not made. Perhaps nothing is made. A clock without a craftsman, a run away process of life and death, nothingness is inherently unstable
Certain scientists believe that quantum mechanics suggests that nothing is inherently "unstable," that it's possible for little bubbles of space-time (something) to form spontaneously (out of nothing), and that if a thing is not forbidden by the laws of quantum physics, it is guaranteed to happen, Our only evidence is our own existence since i've lived once before whats to say it can't happen again nothing of you will remain everything you are is destined to dissolve into nothingness, but maybe rebirth is real maybe not i do hope that when i die thats the end for all time why would i ever want to exist in such a terrible machine as the human conidition

 

[sunsetting]

The (general) religion point of view on suicide feels more like an attempt to dissuade people from doing it than actually caring for an individual's feelings due to the nature of how the punishment is executed. In this shitty world we live in, suicide would probably be a lot more common if it wasn't a no no you can't do that cuz hell and stuff. I hope you find relief from your current condition.

 

[wr3ck3d]

Even if you get to reborn into a body that has to go through the same lessons doesn't mean that the experience will be the same. Maybe next time when you go through an experience that you disliked in this body, you get to enjoy in your new body

 

[Reiter]

There's no afterlife, when you die, it's lights out.

 

[Secrets1]

What if one of the main lessons or purposes you sought to gain from this lifetime was understanding and gaining empathy via depression? Or helping another soul experience extreme grief through your own sacrifice? Where suicide must be a distinct life path possibility from the beginning of the "planned lessons" because it happens.

I know I've learned more by staying alive the past 10 years compared to not. May not have been fun but lessons have been learned. So from a theory perspective I don't think it'd be the same life lessons or circumstances ever through reincarnation. And in that theoretical paradigm there would likely be some life lessons you intended to learn but did not. Those would need to be revisited if the intended understanding or experience was missed due to CTB.

Also the "pick the wrong religion" part doesn't hold up. Don't worry about it. It's a control tactic. How is a child who gets cancer & died in another region of the world but never heard of Jesus be damned to hell for eternity? How would a god who loves all their children allow for that? Its a bit too hypocritical for me to buy into. I asked a Bible Belt Christian about this and he said something like "well I think they go to a special place and aren't judged as harshly" and "we consider those other religions fake religions".

I'm mostly saying I don't know… and those who fear monger confidently are just unlikely to know either despite a different perspective