moralfag
chronic suicidist
- Nov 5, 2025
- 31
Please excuse my bad grammar in this post, my head has been hurting the whole day and it is hard to concentrate on writing.
I hate living in the real world. I hate it so much. I wish I could crawl into the internet and stay here forever. I never want to interact with someone in person ever again.
Today was my first day back to classes after break. As usual, I spent my entire break doomscrolling and numbing my feelings with consuming as much interesting media as possible (TV shows, books, art, anything). I got a little bit better. I interacted with a few people (over the internet) who were very pleasant towards me and had some great conversations, and it gave me some hope towards re-entering the real world. I thought for a moment that maybe people weren't so awful. Maybe I was exaggerating and I just needed to go outside and socialize more.
I will never make this mistake again. I'm so tired of getting my hopes up just to find out that nothing ever changes.
My first interaction with a person was getting spit on and yelled at down the school hallway. The reason? He thought the duck plush keychain on my backpack made me look like an "unlovable weaboo freak". It was a gift from my mother when we were still on good terms. I thought it was really cute. It reminded me of the good memories I had with her. I, however, immediately removed it once I got to class. It's still tucked away in the side pocket of my bag. I guess I really am a spineless loser.
The actual class went alright. I didn't say anything to anyone, and nobody said anything to me. I just had to endure listening to my classmates talk about how funny they thought torturing others was. The same classmates studying to become doctors talked about how hilarious rape victims were and how they would love to rape someone. The same classmates studying to become teachers talked about how funny it was to bully other students and how they should try to get as many people to kill themselves as they could.
It made me realize how truly awful humans are. I was ignorant because of the positive experiences I'd had online, and I completely forgot that at the end of the day people are still just sick human beings.
Nobody is exempt from this. The teachers who win "teacher of the year" awards at my school are the same ones that watched and laughed as my classmates would stab me with pencils and pens, the counselors that "want to help kids" are the same ones that laughed at me when I cried to them about my sister pointing a shotgun to her head and threatening to blow her brains out due to the trauma she received at school.
My rapist is a security officer who recently got a raise for his "good performance"; he has plenty of friends and support systems and it doesn't matter if he's a rapist because that's human.
My abuser is a nurse who "cares about her patients" and it doesn't matter that she beat me so bad I had to go to physical therapy to relearn how to walk and it doesn't matter that she's an abuser because that's human.
Nobody is innocent. I hate everyone. I just want to be left alone. Why is everyone so normal about such cruel things? I don't understandā¦
I apologize for the longer post. I just need somewhere to talk after today. I feel so drained. Much love to all of you, and thank you for reading this. I hope your life is going well
I hate living in the real world. I hate it so much. I wish I could crawl into the internet and stay here forever. I never want to interact with someone in person ever again.
Today was my first day back to classes after break. As usual, I spent my entire break doomscrolling and numbing my feelings with consuming as much interesting media as possible (TV shows, books, art, anything). I got a little bit better. I interacted with a few people (over the internet) who were very pleasant towards me and had some great conversations, and it gave me some hope towards re-entering the real world. I thought for a moment that maybe people weren't so awful. Maybe I was exaggerating and I just needed to go outside and socialize more.
I will never make this mistake again. I'm so tired of getting my hopes up just to find out that nothing ever changes.
My first interaction with a person was getting spit on and yelled at down the school hallway. The reason? He thought the duck plush keychain on my backpack made me look like an "unlovable weaboo freak". It was a gift from my mother when we were still on good terms. I thought it was really cute. It reminded me of the good memories I had with her. I, however, immediately removed it once I got to class. It's still tucked away in the side pocket of my bag. I guess I really am a spineless loser.
The actual class went alright. I didn't say anything to anyone, and nobody said anything to me. I just had to endure listening to my classmates talk about how funny they thought torturing others was. The same classmates studying to become doctors talked about how hilarious rape victims were and how they would love to rape someone. The same classmates studying to become teachers talked about how funny it was to bully other students and how they should try to get as many people to kill themselves as they could.
It made me realize how truly awful humans are. I was ignorant because of the positive experiences I'd had online, and I completely forgot that at the end of the day people are still just sick human beings.
Nobody is exempt from this. The teachers who win "teacher of the year" awards at my school are the same ones that watched and laughed as my classmates would stab me with pencils and pens, the counselors that "want to help kids" are the same ones that laughed at me when I cried to them about my sister pointing a shotgun to her head and threatening to blow her brains out due to the trauma she received at school.
My rapist is a security officer who recently got a raise for his "good performance"; he has plenty of friends and support systems and it doesn't matter if he's a rapist because that's human.
My abuser is a nurse who "cares about her patients" and it doesn't matter that she beat me so bad I had to go to physical therapy to relearn how to walk and it doesn't matter that she's an abuser because that's human.
Nobody is innocent. I hate everyone. I just want to be left alone. Why is everyone so normal about such cruel things? I don't understandā¦
I apologize for the longer post. I just need somewhere to talk after today. I feel so drained. Much love to all of you, and thank you for reading this. I hope your life is going well
