Help I want to better myself for the love of my life.

[pawzonthetrack]

i fell in love with this guy in november 2022.

i wanted to give life one more try, but then i met him and it changed everything. i was so happy and i always tried to spend time with him. he ended up telling me he has feelings for me in february 2023. he said he's never had feelings for somebody before and he's never had a girlfriend. he said he tried to deny his feelings but he finally accepted them and wanted me to be his girlfriend. he asked me on february 10th of 2023

i couldn't believe it at all

it felt so unreal that i was with someone that treated me with so much love and respect and kindness

as the months went on we did start to get comfortable and learn more about eachother. we had arguments but learned to better on our communication. it was hard but we wanted this to last because we both truly loved eachother

we didnt want anybody else we just wanted eachother

we got through so many problems and certain things we would say "im going to change" and neither of us saw change

i tried so hard to but there was just so many unresolved issues in my past before i had him so that affected my mental health and my actions so badly

i hated feeling like a burden around him.

i love everything about him but just a few days ago i had to leave the country. i thought it would be better for my mental health if i spent some time in this different country.

so far im regretting it but the worst thing i never expected to happen, happened.

only 2 days ago, i got upset that he was live-streaming with a girl. i told him i was upset about it but i didnt say it in the way i should've. i said it very immaturely and after he tried to calm me down he stopped replying

i was confused and then realized he had blocked me. Every where. on every platform.

i tried texting him on his number before i got blocked there but i only got a few words out to him before he blocked me there too.

he said he would stay strong during long distance. but this happened??

even tho i was blocked on his number i kept messaging him and pouring my heart out
i was so confused i didn't understand i just wanted answers

he left without a word

as i kept messaging him he finally unblocked me 1 day ago and messaged me. saying:

"after everything you put me through, im taking a long break
i dont know what will happen, but just know im taking a long break to focus on school and myself, especially my mental health as its been on a steady decline since a night ago
i had one of the hardest nights yesterday with nobody to talk to other than [his friend], my sister, and my mom
i dont know if i want to break up or not yet but ill decide once i come back
i feel like our relationship 50/50 has been unbalanced
i tried treating you like a queen but in return i get treated like garbage
you unnecessarily make yourself the victim by bringing other things up in the argument and shift the blame on me
your toxic and i dont like that
ive been trying so hard to make you happy and your always unpleased or do something i tell you not to that makes me uncomfortable
you give me so much attitude

your response to bringing things up in an argument was that its "not fair". You know how immature and childish that response was?

i was so dumbfounded as i read that text

anyways, ill see you whenever i decide i want to come back

im sorry that the lord didnt bring us together like you thought

when i come back, i hopefully wish you can change, but then again, the countless


"¡ will change" had never worked "



i had so many questions but i said nothing
he has acted so much more immature with me?? getting jealous over everything and not even trying to be better with communication. i was scared to tell him everything that he's done where i never got upset because i was scared of losing him

but i lost him anyway over this

during that time up till now ive been thinking

i want to change myself i want to actually better myself for him because i truly do love him and i know what the unresolved issues are from my past are and im going to try fix them. because all those unresolved issues are here in this different country im in. its going to be scary but i know that once i fix them i will feel better mentally and be better for when he comes back

i need help i need tips and advice.

i need help working on:

- my jealousy

- trust issues

- overthinking

- insecurity


i have so many things on my mind right now so im probably forgetting to add some important details but you can leave questions and i'll answer

im going to share more of my thoughts later on

 

[Life_and_Death]

i could be completely wrong however i feel its a bit of a red flag that he said

he said he's never had feelings for somebody before and he's never had a girlfriend

and then he

he was live-streaming with a girl

i obviously dont have the whole story but by this one thing, it sounds like he was probably lying to you and youre better off without him.

 

[pawzonthetrack]

i have met his family and his mom was so happy he got his first girlfriend so i knew he was telling the truth and the girl he went live with for literally only 2 minutes was this girl he was friends with for like years but they didnt talk much they were just in the same friend group and he would try introduce me but i was shy

he went on the live to only say hi and then left

the girl lives in a different country

but i did just now finish writing something to send him later in the day. i will probably post it injust have to censor some stuff like the locations and names and etc but yea :>

 

[tiger b]

I will say that if you do work on yourself, you might see things in a different light. It's important you do it for you. Sure, doing it for him might be a motivator, but you are very important in this relationship. It should be a two way street.

Giving him a break will give him a chance to miss you. If he doesn't then maybe it's time to move on? I wish you well.