I want to be saved.

[zeek]

I want to have the will to live, I want to feel real and in the moment, I want to create art and create something that truly resonates with my soul and being. But most of all I want to be saved. I want to have my salvation returned to me. I want to be held and comforted.

I have none of it, I am alone, I have never had a mutual friendship, I will never have someone who loves me as much as I do them. I will never have a friend I can trust with it all, or have a friend I can feel and touch. I have never had genuine human connection.

I want to rot, I want to have my soul detached from my body and live in a permanent limbo. I do not wish to wake up everyday and go through the motions of life.

But what after? after I kill myself is it really all over? or will I have to keep suffering. suffering in Hell?, suffering as a result of my own actions. going through the same process of killing myself everyday.

I don't know what I want, but I know I want to be saved. I want to be cherished, I want to be loved.

I want someone to control me and manage every aspect of my life, I want them to keep me alongside them forever.
It's not that I want to die, but I DON'T want to keep living and moving through my daily rituals. I want a break from it all. I want peace. I want to rot.

I want to be saved.

 

[zeek]

only one way to find out

2.8/10 terrible response

 

[fedupwithlife]

2.8/10 terrible response

sorry

 

[dekataclysm]

Same. My BPD fucking torments me and just makes everything worse.

 

[Cress]

I've created various aspects of art over the years But it never seems to last as a serious motivator. I remember thinking I wanted to do it as a simple record that I existed As each day there is a risk that I CTB.
I started animating wallpapers On steam using wallpaper engine and I was tremendously Passionate about it and I did several hundred pieces of work. Eventually I lost my passion for it.
Sometimes I'll get an alert that someone has left a comment and it's usually someone thinking me that they enjoyed the artwork that I was doing.

I started to learn to record my voice and do audio work as well as editing Over the past year. After posting my first video I Sorta lost my way again and ended up signing up for this website.

I'm just desperate for something to come along and save me as well. Constantly trying to find something to keep my mind off CTB. The whole time I'm dealing with Exhaustive medical treatment for my condition

I hope you're able to find something that is able to save you and make you want to continue to be here.

What sort of art would you want to create if you could?

 

[Enlighten]

I want to have the will to live, I want to feel real and in the moment, I want to create art and create something that truly resonates with my soul and being. But most of all I want to be saved. I want to have my salvation returned to me. I want to be held and comforted.

I have none of it, I am alone, I have never had a mutual friendship, I will never have someone who loves me as much as I do them. I will never have a friend I can trust with it all, or have a friend I can feel and touch. I have never had genuine human connection.

I want to rot, I want to have my soul detached from my body and live in a permanent limbo. I do not wish to wake up everyday and go through the motions of life.

But what after? after I kill myself is it really all over? or will I have to keep suffering. suffering in Hell?, suffering as a result of my own actions. going through the same process of killing myself everyday.

I don't know what I want, but I know I want to be saved. I want to be cherished, I want to be loved.

I want someone to control me and manage every aspect of my life, I want them to keep me alongside them forever.
It's not that I want to die, but I DON'T want to keep living and moving through my daily rituals. I want a break from it all. I want peace. I want to rot.

I want to be saved.

Hey OP, i'm sorry you feel that way. I would love to be your friend and listen to what you have to say. You matter as a person and don't let anybody tell you otherwise. It looks like i can't send you a private message because you just joined, but you can add me on discord if you want. My ign is gigag33rt. This applies for anyone reading this for that matter.

 

[dyingslowly]

I want to have the will to live, I want to feel real and in the moment, I want to create art and create something that truly resonates with my soul and being. But most of all I want to be saved. I want to have my salvation returned to me. I want to be held and comforted.

I have none of it, I am alone, I have never had a mutual friendship, I will never have someone who loves me as much as I do them. I will never have a friend I can trust with it all, or have a friend I can feel and touch. I have never had genuine human connection.

I want to rot, I want to have my soul detached from my body and live in a permanent limbo. I do not wish to wake up everyday and go through the motions of life.

But what after? after I kill myself is it really all over? or will I have to keep suffering. suffering in Hell?, suffering as a result of my own actions. going through the same process of killing myself everyday.

I don't know what I want, but I know I want to be saved. I want to be cherished, I want to be loved.

I want someone to control me and manage every aspect of my life, I want them to keep me alongside them forever.
It's not that I want to die, but I DON'T want to keep living and moving through my daily rituals. I want a break from it all. I want peace. I want to rot.

I want to be saved.

Isn't it something we all somewhat on the edge really desire. I know the feeling of being comforted and loved and I know how quickly you go from I wanna die to I wanna live forever. Too sad that feeling is only temporary. If you someone talk I am all ears.

 

[cosifantutti]

I want to have the will to live, I want to feel real and in the moment, I want to create art and create something that truly resonates with my soul and being. But most of all I want to be saved. I want to have my salvation returned to me. I want to be held and comforted.

I have none of it, I am alone, I have never had a mutual friendship, I will never have someone who loves me as much as I do them. I will never have a friend I can trust with it all, or have a friend I can feel and touch. I have never had genuine human connection.

I want to rot, I want to have my soul detached from my body and live in a permanent limbo. I do not wish to wake up everyday and go through the motions of life.

But what after? after I kill myself is it really all over? or will I have to keep suffering. suffering in Hell?, suffering as a result of my own actions. going through the same process of killing myself everyday.

I don't know what I want, but I know I want to be saved. I want to be cherished, I want to be loved.

I want someone to control me and manage every aspect of my life, I want them to keep me alongside them forever.
It's not that I want to die, but I DON'T want to keep living and moving through my daily rituals. I want a break from it all. I want peace. I want to rot.

I want to be saved.

I'm so sorry you feel this way. No-one deserves such suffering.

Although I don't believe in hell it's something I'm scared of. That's crazy cos hell is man made. Actually hell is on this earth. I hope you find peace in this life. When any of us die, whatever way, we will be at peace.