Venting i want to be remembered for my death

[cats333]

i know this may sound weird, but i do want to be remembered as someone who died too young. maybe its wrong to think that way but the way people think of me rn is just weird or "mid". im tired of being known just for my underlying neurodivergence making me "almost socially acceptable", im tired of not being pretty enough to be liked by guys, and not ugly enough for them to say it to my face. im the girl that guys laugh about in their friend group and makes jokes ab having found me pretty at some point, the ones that they use to mock their friends with when the topic of dating is brought up. i want to be known as the girl who died bc maybe then i could actually receive some type of love and acceptance, even if it comes from a place of pity and grief.

 

[Kore]

Hey I'm sorry that you're going through this, life truly can be cruel to us that aren't born quite as beautiful as others. I relate to a lot of the things you're saying :(

I do just want to point out that in death, you won't receive any of the love or acceptance that you crave - you won't receive anything. Whatever is thought about your death will be completely and utterly irrelevant, because… you'll be gone. You'll never get to see, hear, touch, 'experience' any form of the results of your death. I'm not trying to be negative, my point here is that you shouldn't ctb if this is your main reason, because you ultimately wont achieve what you're trying to do.

If you want to change the way others perceive you, AND experience that change, you'll have to do that in the waking world, in whatever way you choose to. I'm not saying that would be easy, or quick, I just… I guess I know some of what you've been through, and I think it would be a shame for you to go for the wrong reasons

I like the way you write, I find that beautiful. Beauty isn't always in appearance, there is far more to it, and from what I've seen, you (as a whole human, not just your face) are kinda beautiful :)

 

[cats333]

Hey I'm sorry that you're going through this, life truly can be cruel to us that aren't born quite as beautiful as others. I relate to a lot of the things you're saying :(

I do just want to point out that in death, you won't receive any of the love or acceptance that you crave - you won't receive anything. Whatever is thought about your death will be completely and utterly irrelevant, because… you'll be gone. You'll never get to see, hear, touch, 'experience' any form of the results of your death. I'm not trying to be negative, my point here is that you shouldn't ctb if this is your main reason, because you ultimately wont achieve what you're trying to do.

If you want to change the way others perceive you, AND experience that change, you'll have to do that in the waking world, in whatever way you choose to. I'm not saying that would be easy, or quick, I just… I guess I know some of what you've been through, and I think it would be a shame for you to go for the wrong reasons

I like the way you write, I find that beautiful. Beauty isn't always in appearance, there is far more to it, and from what I've seen, you (as a whole human, not just your face) are kinda beautiful :)

thank you so much for this <3 i really needed to hear it, but its not really my main reason for ctb, so although i guess it plays a part ill still ctb for myself. i know i might not get to see the results of what happens to me if i am successful, but its nice to think about being cared for even after death. im sorry to hear about you having gone through similar experiences and i hope those who are close to you know what a kind person you are

 

[Kore]

thank you so much for this <3 i really needed to hear it, but its not really my main reason for ctb, so although i guess it plays a part ill still ctb for myself. i know i might not get to see the results of what happens to me if i am successful, but its nice to think about being cared for even after death. im sorry to hear about you having gone through similar experiences and i hope those who are close to you know what a kind person you are

Okay, ig i do agree it is something of a comfort for the here and now, a part of me also hopes my memory will be thought of with love in mind :(
hope you're doing okay