Venting I want to be remembered as a failure

[RedPanda]

I'm just going to start off by saying that my brain is really messed up. All i want is to be remembered as a failure by everyone who knew me.Even though i have accomplished some great things in my life by starting my own business and helping thousands of people, i still want people to view me as a nobody. It might seem very strange.

Even my own father has no true idea about what i have achieved over the years or what i really do. I hide everything from him, i mean absolutely EVERYTHING. He is left in the dark but still seems proud of me for some reason which is odd. I get really really upset if he even talks to other people about me or praises me but i guess that's what parents do, they always have great things to say about their children...right?

I'm not sure what to categorize these feelings as because it might seem completely odd to most people. When i CTB i want people to always remember me as a failure, its my final wish. Nothing more. Even those i have helped and taught should still see me as a failure.

Anybody else just want to be remembered as a nobody, nothing, just a failure? If i could, my funeral's eulogies should be nothing but bad press and have terrible things said about me. I'm weird and messed up, i know.

 

[JoeFailure]

I'll probably be remembered as one. Just not by choice.

I guess it really is true that one persons garbage is another persons gold.

 

[Roger]

I think that you might enjoy, or at least find some affinity with, The Mayor of Casterbridge by Thomas Hardy.

Here's a taster from the final chapter,

"Upon the head of his bed he pinned a piece of paper, with some writing upon it," continued Abel Whittle. "But not being a man o' letters, I can't read writing; so I don't know what it is. I can get it and show ye."
They stood in silence while he ran into the cottage; returning in a moment with a crumpled scrap of paper. On it there was pencilled as follows: —

MICHAEL HENCHARD'S WILL
"That Elizabeth-Jane Farfrae be not told of my death, or made to grieve on account of me. "& that I be not bury'd in consecrated ground. "& that no sexton be asked to toll the bell. "& that nobody is wished to see my dead body. "& that no murners walk behind me at my funeral. "& that no flours be planted on my grave, "& that no man remember me. "To this I put my name.
"MICHAEL HENCHARD"

 

[Lady black]

I want to be remembered as the one who killed himself

 

[DogWalker]

My preference is complete erasure. I've also accomplished some truly amazing things in my life... but I'm my case they all got totally fucked and taken from me.

I want to be completely forgotten mostly because it would mean the least possible impact and pain. Over the years I've completely removed all my remaining friends. This was easy because all my friends were intertwined with my brother, mom, and their revolting co-dependent relationship. Both of whom I have now completely cut from my life... to my mothers much deserved agony. Much deserved from two decades of gaslighting and victim blaming me in favor of my psychopath brother.

I just regret getting involved with my wife because I love her deeply and she is a fantastic person. She is really the last person in my life... and she has started to notice it and get anxious/weirded out by it... feeling bad for me. My death would destroy her life. I also can't CTB bus until I'm done setting up a new business for her to live off of.

It is strange... because in day to day life I come across as an extremely happy, smiley, friendly person, along with a very strong, confident base personality. I think I can actually be all those things and still want to die. I think it would blow people away that I did it. But yeah, my hope would just be to make the least impact possible and just be forgotten as all humans who aren't historic leaders are forgotten... I'd just want to speed up the process.

 

[k75]

I wouldn't go so far as to say that, but I have been making an effort for awhile now to have as little impact on my surroundings as possible. I've kind of withdrawn and don't really insert myself into anyone else's life unless it can't be avoided. It wasn't a conscious thing... just sort of happened. My friends don't let me completely isolate, but other than that, my footprint is pretty small.

I think about it sometimes. I guess I just don't want to be obtrusive and would like to leave as small a mark as possible when im gone. I don't want people to think of me as a failure. I just don't want to be an issue in the first place.

 

[Mbound]

The way I see it is I'd rather be remembered as someone who might have had potential but didn't reach it than someone who was an undeniable failure. I still see myself as a failure though, I've squandered whatever potential I theoretically possessed at some point.

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

I would prefer to slip away without a trace, so I couldn't hurt anyone anymore, even through memories. It would be the kindest, for everyone, as then all the pain I've caused to others, and to myself, would disappear with my passing. But being remembered as a failure would be what I would desire if I had to be remembered at all, as it would only be truthful and be the best of what I feel I deserve. If I could, I would choose to be thought of as a 'funny' or 'pathetic' failure (like an utter joke) for people to laugh and cheer about, a 'good riddance, WGC!' for a day, and then forgotten soon after. It would be a mercy for me :,)

 

[glk]

This is so strange, but I can relate.
I try to disappoint everyone who trusts me on purpose, and I feel very displeased when they still insist that I am somehow good inside.
How come some little petty reasons to call me "good" or "kind" somehow outshine my odiousness?

 

[AnnonyBox]

Damnatio memoirae, damnation of memory, is all I want. I started erasing my social media a while ago to that end.

 

[pole]

relate 10000 percent. think we usually do it for the purpose of that emotional attachment. if people will percieve you as successful, they'll have a reason to talk about you more, praise you because you've helped and impacted so many people, have a reason to then care for you, look up to you. that emotional attachment would lead to heartbreak, sadness, pain to these very same people when ur gone, maybe that attention and praise is something you hate, maybe you just dont want people to praise you and see u as this good person because it leads to them caring and them caring is whats gonna lead them to be heartbroken over ur death when ur gone; maybe u dont want that? for others to care this much for u and suffer from heartache because of u when ur gone?

i do alot to help others, but quickly dismiss when people put these labels on me like im a good person, etc. iv pushed people away who cared about me, didnt wanna open up to people for them to feel pity for me, because it'll all lead to them caring about me, and i dont want anyone to care about me, especially have them suffer when im gone because they cared about me. rather them not care and see me as that one dude, than someone they knew and admired.