Venting i want to be hurt

[SEPULTURE]

im sorry in advance if this appears really obnoxious or rude

is it bad that i want to get hurt? its not like i havent before, but i want to get some super terrible trauma that changes me as a person. don't get me wrong, im not downplaying or romanticizing any horrible thing other people have gone through. rather, i wish it had happened to me instead so that they wouldnt have experienced it. this way, everyone would be happier. maybe its because if i get hurt, people may start paying attention to me more. theyll finally realize that im not actually ok and comfort me. maybe i dont want to be hurt after all...

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I think it's like what you said with your last few words where you don't want to be hurt after all but rather that you merely want to be comforted and, in your view, the only way to get that is via being more hurt. I think that's a valid view to have as it's been shown repeatedly that people only really care more about others when they done a failed suicide attempt. However, I think that people, for the most part, only really care if it gets to the levels of a suicide attempt. Personally, I think that it isn't worth it to intentionally hurt yourself with the chance of getting comfort as you may still not get any but the choice is yours. I know it's difficult and I wish there was an easier alternative but unfortunately life isn't so generous. I think that we all deserve comfort and care

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I get it. I still find myself wanting terrible and horribly traumatizing things to happen to me, too. Maybe it's because I feel like my feelings aren't valid without it and because I still hate myself, idk. I don't want to be comforted though. I hate being pitied.

 

[Mirrory Me]

Don't you think people could care otherwise? It's basically a risk to put yourself into more harm, so that (perhaps) someone else can safe you from yourself.

 

[shrobae]

the weird thing about trauma is that once its hit you, nothing else feels real except more trauma. I think i know what youre trying to get at with wishing it was you. for example, i feel so bad as a person that if i could "save" a good person from it then they could help other people. i don't know why i feel this way. I want to help people but it feels like when i try to be positive and do positive things im only rewarded with negative. it literally is just teaching me to not want to help and instead to sit here and let bad things happen.

edit: there is almost a really messed up excitement from the idea of something happening that you can FEEL

 

[coolgal82]

ngl same kinda but for me partially it's because i dont feel like valid in my issues because i havent been through any super bad events or anything (which i know is stupid but like my brain just kinda be like that?)

Literally almost attempted CTB just two nights ago and the spiral towards that started just because i saw a single post about someone with worse issues than mine. my brain just wants to invalidate me at every single turn in every way it can.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Literally almost attempted CTB just two nights ago and the spiral towards that started just because i saw a single post about someone with worse issues than mine. my brain just wants to invalidate me at every single turn in every way it can.

I relate. The same thing happens to me sometimes.

 

[sinivihrea]

i want to be hurt because i'm garbage and deserve it. but there's a number of reasons why someone would want to be hurt, even outside kink or SH to cope. even just to feel anything, physically, emotionally. it's not something someone should be judged for. being hurt is safer than being loved: is it really that strange that so many people find comfort in it?