Venting I want to be a baby again

[puella]

I want everything to start over from the beginning.
But it can't.

I wanted the doctor to shout, "It's a girl!"
But they said it was a boy.

I wanted a mom and dad who love each other.
But they fought constantly and loudly.

I wanted to feel safe and protected at home.
But my dad physically abused me and my mom.

So what now? My reaction must mean the answer is to cry over a McDonald's advertisement. Obviously I'm being stupid, but I've been able to do nothing but sob while looking at this. I have it downloaded to my phone looping.

Maybe when I CTB, this is the happy life I can be born into. I would give up on trying to fix this doomed situation and find the first way to die if I knew I could have that.

Edit: I don't think there's a good way to upload it here. It's a cute little animated video of a family eating McDonald's. With a young girl sitting on her dad's lap while her mom feeds her french fries.

 

[dyn00ss]

I want everything to start over from the beginning.
But it can't.

I wanted the doctor to shout, "It's a girl!"
But they said it was a boy.

I wanted a mom and dad who love each other.
But they fought constantly and loudly.

I wanted to feel safe and protected at home.
But my dad physically abused me and my mom.

So what now? My reaction must mean the answer is to cry over a McDonald's advertisement. Obviously I'm being stupid, but I've been able to do nothing but sob while looking at this. I have it downloaded to my phone looping.

Maybe when I CTB, this is the happy life I can be born into. I would give up on trying to fix this doomed situation and find the first way to die if I knew I could have that.

Edit: I don't think there's a good way to upload it here. It's a cute little animated video of a family eating McDonald's. With a young girl sitting on her dad's lap while her mom feeds her french fries.

I'm sorry, I feel "equal" it sucks to have been born in the wrong genre, I hope that one day you will find peace, virtual hug and comfort for you <3

 

[Jealous Blackheart]

I am wasted, losing time
On a foolish, fragile spine
I want all that is not mine
I want him but we're not right

In the darkness, I will meet my creators
And they will all agree, that I'm a suffocator

I should go now quietly
For my bones have found a place to lie down and sleep
Where all my layers can become reeds
All my limbs can become trees
All my children can become me
What a mess I leave
To follow
To follow
To follow
To follow

In the darkness, I will meet my creators
And they will all agree that I'm a suffocator, suffocator, suffocator

Oh love
I'm sorry if I smothered you
I'm sorry if I smothered you
I sometimes wish I'd stayed inside
My mother
Never to come out


You reminded me of this song. These are the lyrics to Smother by Daughter.

 

[puella]

I need a hug today.

 

[Lynx.]

I relate to everything you said - it's funny how many things would be better just by tweaking a few variables at birth: being born as a girl wouldn't magically solve all my problems, and it certainly wouldn't make life worth living, but it would be a much better start.
I'm sorry that you had to go through the horror of abuse from your family - every child should feel safe and happy inside their own home.

I need a hug today.

Yeah, I feel the same way...
If you ever need anyone to talk to or to vent - my DMs are always open.
Many hugs to you ♥

 

[puella]

Yeah, I feel the same way...
If you ever need anyone to talk to or to vent - my DMs are always open.
Many hugs to you ♥

Thank you for the kind words. I wish I could hug you right now.