Venting I wanna fucking die so bad, i dont understand anything

[SwanLakeDance]

I seriously want to fucking die, i always get ignore by someone i cares about..and they're not caring about me at all.. im always here when they need someone yet when i need someone they aren't here for me. and every method seems so fucking hard or maybe im just a fucking coward idiot who doesn't have gut to do shit. i wanna die so fucking bad, it's really hurt, despite taking zoloft and shit tons of medications, it won't get better for me. it's all ruined. i'm beyond repair. fucked up. i just wanted to say sorry for having depression and couldnt control my emotion. I just wanted to be important for once in my entire fucking worthless life. i just want that. sure im needy, but im always there when that someone need something, when they feels like shit. im always there trying to cheer them up. always everyday everytime despite im suffering from this fucking mental illness. it's so fucking hurt. its fucking hurt fucking hurt fucking hurt fucking hurt. i wanna die i wanna die i wanna fucking slith my throat and die like a goddamn trash, a piece of shit i am. i wanna fucking die i wanna fucking die. its god damn hurt it's so hurt i cant even describe my feelings properly. i feels as if the world is spinning, i cant even fucking cry. tears wont come out. everyone thought i overthink and being anxious. telling me to control my emotion to be patience. etc. but i do. i try to fucking hold back my feeling everyday. is it really that wrong..? for wanted to do something good and fun with someone you love and cares about..? is it that wrong to try to achieve happiness when your everyday life is a fucking hell? i dont get it.. why cant he understand me when i totally understand everything he vent and told me. why he acts as if im still fucking worthless.

 

[Rack.-]

It hurts me reading this, knowing that everything I want is just finding someone that loves you and cares about you just how you would care about em. I'm sorry you are feeling this way... Sending you love and hugs to wherever you are

 

[OceanBlue]

Sorry

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing certainly is so torturous, it's such a horrible world we exist in where there is all this endless suffering, it must be really tiring what you have to endure. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[flightlessbutterfly]

First of all, here, have a hug if you're comfortable with online affection.
Secondly, hello I am a butterfly(more of a moth, really.) here to keep you as sane as I possibly can.
Funeralcry is the sympathetic realist, I'm going to be the one who sits beside you in a large swingset hovering over the forest canopy.

Take a breath, love, you're having an online panic attack. If possible, I'd like you to simply block out this person for a day or two and focus on what YOU need. Even if not possible, the very least you can do for yourself is to maybe indulge in a cup of tea and press your palms against the cup because it's hot and it feels safe and nice to be indulging. It's okay to be needy, hell, it' okay to crave the feeling of happiness. I do it all the time. But sometimes you need to find a way to bring yourself temporary happiness if only to keep your mind sane and grounded for a few minutes.

Have a plush toy? Lie in your bed watching hour long videos with it in hand and just let your body go numb. Eat sweets for breakfast, lunch and dinner just for a day, grab a piece of paper and tear it apart by dragging a pen and destroying the page, whatever. Just let your mind wander for a moment, and you'll be fine.

 

[SwanLakeDance]

It hurts me reading this, knowing that everything I want is just finding someone that loves you and cares about you just how you would care about em. I'm sorry you are feeling this way... Sending you love and hugs to wherever you are

thanks so much, you too.. everything gone down hill after new year and it even worse when my best friend who used to understand me passed away, i can stop self blaming after that and couldnt stop feeling lonely and worthless ever since. im sending you love and hugs to you too, i wish things goes better for you

First of all, here, have a hug if you're comfortable with online affection.
Secondly, hello I am a butterfly(more of a moth, really.) here to keep you as sane as I possibly can.
Funeralcry is the sympathetic realist, I'm going to be the one who sits beside you in a large swingset hovering over the forest canopy.

Take a breath, love, you're having an online panic attack. If possible, I'd like you to simply block out this person for a day or two and focus on what YOU need. Even if not possible, the very least you can do for yourself is to maybe indulge in a cup of tea and press your palms against the cup because it's hot and it feels safe and nice to be indulging. It's okay to be needy, hell, it' okay to crave the feeling of happiness. I do it all the time. But sometimes you need to find a way to bring yourself temporary happiness if only to keep your mind sane and grounded for a few minutes.

Have a plush toy? Lie in your bed watching hour long videos with it in hand and just let your body go numb. Eat sweets for breakfast, lunch and dinner just for a day, grab a piece of paper and tear it apart by dragging a pen and destroying the page, whatever. Just let your mind wander for a moment, and you'll be fine.

thankyou so much for understanding me.. this is like ..something i rarely receive, you're really kind thankyou so much.. thankyou

Existing certainly is so torturous, it's such a horrible world we exist in where there is all this endless suffering, it must be really tiring what you have to endure. But anyway I wish you the best.

it's really tired and exhausting.. i feels sleepy and tired 24/7 and also sad sometime i couldnt help but hurt myself over and over again, thankyou i wish you the best in ya life too!

 

[Foxy]

thanks so much, you too.. everything gone down hill after new year and it even worse when my best friend who used to understand me passed away, i can stop self blaming after that and couldnt stop feeling lonely and worthless ever since. im sending you love and hugs to you too, i wish things goes better for you

thankyou so much for understanding me.. this is like ..something i rarely receive, you're really kind thankyou so much.. thankyou

it's really tired and exhausting.. i feels sleepy and tired 24/7 and also sad sometime i couldnt help but hurt myself over and over again, thankyou i wish you the best in ya life too!

I'm sorry that life is this way for you at the moment. I havn't really lost a real freind like that at all and don't plan to. You can message me if you want to talk about anything I guess. Same goes for everyone else here. While I'm not an armchair psychologist, I can at least talk with people more directly about their problems I hope. Thank you for posting this.

 

[steppenwolf]

Know the feeling. Your boy is a fool. In the words of the late great Al Jarreau:

'When you just give love,
'And never get love,
'You'd better let love... depart...'



Stay cool sister x